Volume 104 — VALENTINE VERSES.
Reading edition
(An Apology accompanying a Purse.)
Do you like it? I wonder! Or think you it's stupid To send such a commonplace gift as a Purse? Do you sigh for the tinsel, and gauze, and the Cupid, And the wonderful sentiments written in verse? Well, suppose I had sent them. You'd murmur, "How pretty!" Then not see them again as you put them away. Shall I candidly tell you I thought 'twere a pity Just to send you a gift that would last for a day? But consider the times and the seasons—how many! When a purse—something in it—will save you from fuss. When you're posting a letter (to me), or a penny You may want for a paper, a tram, or a 'bus. When you've done with the purse, as you carefully lock it, And look with all proper precaution to see That the gold is still there, as it goes in your pocket, Let a thought or two, sweetheart, come straying to me. I've explained as I could. Do you still go on sighing For the commoner Valentine—tinsel and gauze, With the pictures of wonderful cherubim flying In a reckless defiance of natural laws? If you do—well, forgive me. Don't think me unkind. You Know I'd not treat yourself in so heartless a style, And so let this gift, as you use it, remind you Of one whom you won, my dear, outright, with your smile.
Sir William Harcourt suggests that "Parish Councils will do everything for the distressed Agriculturists." Sir William should advertise the remedy out of his Farmercopœia—"Try Parish's Food for Agricultural Infants in distress."
A Meery Jest.—Said the Ameer to an English friend, "Yes, I am uncertain of my position. I Am 'eer to-day and gone to-morrow."
THE OLD WOMAN AND HER PIG.
"DOG, DOG, BITE PIG, PIG WON'T GET OVER STILE, AND I SHAN'T GET HOME (-RULE) TO-NIGHT."