CLERICAL OUTCOMES.

To the Editor of "The St-nd-rd."

Sir,—Allow me to mention, under all reserve, that I frequently preach a sermon of Jeremy Taylor's, or the Judicious Hooker's, to my congregation, with excellent effect, and hitherto without any discovery on their part of the origin of the discourse. I, of course, alter the old-fashioned phrases, and bring the sermons up to date, so to speak. This plan saves the inconvenience of having to pay for sermons, which I could not do in cash in these days of clerical destitution, only in sermon paper, which I fear would not be accepted. If I am accused of "cribbing sermons," I deny the charge with indignation. I don't crib Jeremy, I adapt him. Does every dramatist, who adapts from the French, acknowledge the fact? Not at all! Neither does—

Yours unblushingly,

Borrowed Plume-age.

Sir,—My congregation is a rustic one. I have tried them with my own sermons, but my pewrents suffered so severely in consequence, that I have been obliged to give them up. Last Sunday (following the advice of a lay friend of mine in Town, in whom I have much confidence) I preached one of Prebendary Sheepshanks' "Crampton Lectures" to them, and the farmers and labourers seemed much impressed. There was, in fact, hardly an open eye in Church during the hour and a half that the delivery lasted. The Charity-School children, too, who sat through the whole of it, only had to be physically admonished by their teacher about once in every half-minute. When an old village dame afterwards assured me that "she didn't know I was that larned," I felt—momentarily—rather like a wolf in Sheepshanks' clothes. But I intend going through the course.

Yours, &c.,

Pastor Ignotus.

SPORTING ANSWERS.

Country House.

Tyro.—You are quite right—a four-in-hand is worth two in the bush, which, as you justly observe, no good wine needs. To handle the reins correctly, proceed as follows. Divide the sum-total of all the reins measured to a millimètre by half a forefinger, no allowance being made for chalk-stones, or stiff knuckles. Multiply the quotient by the off-wheel-rein, and add the near leader's blinkers to the result. Then pass your left thumb under your right middle finger, taking care at the same time to tie the off-leading-rein round your neck in a sailor's knot. Add six yards of whipcord to the near leader's shoulders, subtract yourself from the box, and send us your doctor's bill, for purposes of comparison.

Who's Who?—(1) Roundabout Sammy is a very promising horse, by Engineer, out of Little Joker. He was not bred in France, for, though there is a Parisian accent about some of his neighs, there is a distinctly British look about his nose. He is a trifle cobby, no doubt, but he is a capital feeder, and should go well in a double harness, with 84 'Pommery, his constant stable companion. (2.) Peat Moss Litter is not generally used for soup, or table decorations. (3.) The appearance you refer to is probably rubinosis brandiginiata. It is due to the absorption of liquor per haustum. The snakes you sent us are indigenous to the hill-country of Del Trementi.

HOW RAPID CONVERSIONS ARE MADE.

Lady Circe. "What, you don't appreciate Wagner, Mr. Jones? You must let me Play you a little of Parsifal."

[Does so, and Jones, who has no ear for Music whatever, becomes an ardent and aggressive Wagnerite on the spot, and remains so for the rest of his life!