OFF TO THE CONTINONG!
Reading edition
(A Foreword)
FACT!
The kind of figure which comes nearest to the ideal you have formed.
FANCY AND——
The kind of figure you see on posters inviting you to French seaside resorts.
Nothing is more calculated to give Englishmen a good conceit of themselves in the matter of international courtesy than a careful examination of the archives of Mr. Punch, such as was necessary in the preparation of the present volume. To anyone familiar with the anti-British attitude of the French comic press before these happier days of the Entente Cordiale, and of the German press at all times, the complete absence of all manner of ill-feeling from Mr. Punch's jokes about our neighbours across the Channel is little short of wonderful. Even in the days when the English people were the unfailing subject for every French satirist when he suffered from an unusual attack of spleen, our national jester seems never to have lost the good-humour with which he has usually surveyed the life of the Continent. Indeed, as the pages here brought together will readily prove, Mr. Punch has seldom, if ever, laid himself open to the charge of insularity in his point of view. Instead of showing a tendency to ridicule our neighbours on the Continent, he has been more inclined to pillory the follies of his own countrymen, and to contrast their behaviour on the Continent rather unfavourably with that of the natives. But, even so, there is nothing in these humorous chronicles of "Mr. Punch on the Continong" which will not amuse equally the travelling or the stay-at-home Briton and the foreigner, since each will find many of his national characteristics "touched off" in a way that is no less kindly than amusing. The fact that a considerable proportion of these pages are from the pen of George Du Maurier, himself a Frenchman by birth, is a reminder that long before the Governments of France and Great Britain had come into their present relationship of intimate friendliness, Mr. Punch had maintained his own Entente Cordiale!
WHERE SECOND THOUGHTS ARE BETTER
Scene—Boulevards, Paris
Professional Beggar (whining). "Ayez pitié, mon bon m'sieu. Ayez pitié! J'ai froid—j'ai bien froid!"
Le Bon Monsieur (irritably). "Allez au di——" (suddenly thinking that sunshine might be preferable) "aux Champs Elysées!"
"LOOK ON THIS PICTURE——
AND ON THIS!"
ON THE BOULOGNE PIER
(TWO ASIDES)
Young England. "Rummy style of 'at!"
La Jeune France. "Drôle de chapeau!"
MR. PUNCH ON THE CONTINONG
TIPS
(To a Friendly Adviser)
When starting off on foreign trips, I've felt secure if someone gave me Invaluable hints and tips; Time, trouble, money, these would save me. I'm off; you've told me all you know. Forewarned, forearmed, I start, instructed How much to spend, and where to go; Yet free, not like some folks "conducted." Now I shall face, serene and calm, Those persons, often rather pressing For little gifts, with outstretched palm. To some of them I'll give my blessing. To others—"service" being paid— Buona mano, pourboire, trinkgeld; They fancy Englishmen are made Of money, made of (so they think) geld. The garçon, ready with each dish, His brisk "Voilà, monsieur" replying To anything that one may wish; His claim admits of no denying. The portier, who never rests, Who speaks six languages together To clamorous, inquiring guests, On letters, luggage, trains, boats, weather. The femme de chambre, who fills my bain; The ouvreuse, where I see the acteur. A cigarette to chef de train, A franc to energetic facteur. I give each cocher what is right; I know, without profound researches, What I must pay for each new sight— Cathedrals, castles, convents, churches. Or climbing up to see a view, From campanile, roof, or steeple, Those verbal tips I had from you Save money tips to other people. Save all those florins, marks or francs— Or pfennige, sous, kreutzer, is it?— The change they give me at the banks, According to the towns I visit. I seem to owe you these, and yet Will money do? My feeling's deeper. I'll owe you an eternal debt— A debt of gratitude, that's cheaper.
The Cleaner (showing tourists round the church). "Voilà le Maître-autel, m'sieu' et 'dame."
British Matron. "Oh, to be sure, yes. You remember, George, we had French beans, à la Maître Autel for dinner yesterday!"