POEMS BY MRS. SANGSTER

Little Knights and Ladies

Verses for Young People. By Margaret E. Sangster. Illustrated. 16mo, Cloth, Ornamental, $1.25.

On the Road Home:

Poems. By Margaret E. Sangster. Illustrated. 16mo, Cloth, Ornamental, $1.25.

Home Fairies and Heart Flowers.

Twenty Studies of Children's Heads. With Floral Embellishments, Head and Tail Pieces, Initial Letters, etc., by Frank French. With Poems by Margaret E. Sangster. 4to, Cloth, $6.00. (In a Box.)

HARPER & BROTHERS, Publishers, New York

TOLD BY FLORENCE.

William J. Florence, the comedian, had a reputation for bright stories and practical jokes. The following one is said to have been told by him at a dinner one night, when the conversation turned on travelling theatrical companies:

"Years ago," said Florence, "I was in a small company skipping from town to town. We had met with extremely bad luck up to our landing in the town of D——. There we found the lowest ebb of all, for when the curtain rolled up there were just two persons in the audience, a young girl in an orchestra chair, and a young man in the front row of the balcony. We went on with the performance, however, possibly to warm ourselves more than anything else. According to my part, I was helping the heroine to escape the clutches of the villain, and in one of my lines I said, 'Have you noticed that even the bright moon is rising to light us on our way.' Before she had time to reply, the young man in the balcony called out, 'I am not so certain about the young lady downstairs, but I can see it all right.'"

A LITTLE TOO ECONOMIC.

A gentleman residing in New York recently hired a colored boy for a valet. The boy proved a valuable acquisition in everything except one, and that was his practice of economy. He was forever endeavoring to save money for his employer. One day he was sent to get some letters stamped and to post them. Upon his return the gentleman asked him if he had attended to it all right. The boy replied, "I's found a lot of gemmen getting stamps, and as they didn't charge them anything to put the letters in the slot, I saved you twenty cents, 'cause I slipped yours in without stamps." That colored boy was too economic, and he was dispensed with.

An awkward man attempted to carve a turkey, and in so doing pushed it from the platter to the floor.

"There, now, we've lost our dinner," wailed his wife.

"Oh no, we haven't; I've got my foot on it!"

Bobby. "Boo! hoo! hoo!" (fingering a big bump on his forehead.) "They do give things the most 'diculous names. I don't see what they call that bicycle a safety for."

CLASS IN NATURAL HISTORY.

Teacher. "Johnny, what do we call a creature with two legs?"

Johnny. "A biped, ma'am."

Teacher. "Name one."

Johnny. "A man, ma'am."

Teacher. "Are there any feathered bipeds?"

Johnny. "Chickens and ostriches, ma'am."

Teacher. "That's right. Willie, what is a quadruped?"

Willie. "A thing with four legs, ma'am."

Teacher. "Name one."

Willie. "An elephant."

Teacher. "Are there any feathered quadrupeds?"

Willie. "Yes, ma'am."

Teacher. "What?"

Willie. "A feather-bed, ma'am."

A "PUPIL OF THE CELEBRATED MASCAGNI."

Almost every boy and girl has heard of Pietro Mascagni, the composer of Cavalleria Rusticana, made so famous in the world through its beautiful intermezzo, and also through having the good fortune to be sung by some of the most brilliant artists of the nineteenth century. One day, when sitting in his study, an organ-grinder stopped below his window, and began grinding out the intermezzo from the Cavalleria so rapidly that it could hardly be told from a jig. Mascagni jumped up in a rage, and, rushing out, seized the handle of the organ, and played it slowly, as it should be, explaining meanwhile that he was the author, etc. This somewhat appeased the wrath of the organ-grinder, and before Mascagni had finished, a broad smile illuminated his face. Shortly afterwards Mascagni and some friends had the pleasure of passing the same organ-grinder, and thereupon his organ was a large sign that read: "Pupil of the Celebrated Mascagni."

RAILROAD REPARTEE.

A very smart young man wishing to supply amusement for a group of young ladies that accompanied him, accosted the conductor of a railroad train as follows:

"My dear conductor, what—er—do you call an up train!"

"Why, a train that blows up, explodes, goes to smash—anything of that sort."

"Ah, yes, to be sure. And—er—what do you call a down train?"

"Down train!—why, that's a train that goes down an embankment, or through a trestle-work; has some sort of a fall, you know."

The young ladies were laughing heartily at these answers, which embarrassed the young man, and desperately pointing to the train they were about to board, he asked,

"And where might this train be going?"

"Oh," replied the conductor, "we never agree to answer those questions beforehand."

KIND-HEARTED PRESIDENT FAURE.

Felix Faure, President of the French Republic, has made the hearts of many of the little girls of his country beat with joy. It is one of his practices to devote at least two mornings a week to visiting hospitals. His visits are not of the hasty order, but much the other way, as he spends time passing through the different wards, especially among the sick children. One of his favorite questions is to ask the little unfortunates what he can do for them, and in the case of little girls the answer is invariably une poupée (a doll). Then with a kind-hearted smile President Faure takes out his pad and pencil and writes down the child's desire. The next morning usually finds several boxes of dolls at the hospital, all of them very handsome. It is said that his generosity has already cost him over one thousand dolls since he has occupied the Presidential chair.