Act 3 — PORTRAIT OF A GENTLEMAN IN SLIPPERS

A COMEDY IN ONE ACT

CHARACTERS

King Hilary XXIV. Otho (his body-servant). Princess Amaril. The Stranger.

A room in the King’s Palace—once upon a time

It is mid-morning, and His Majesty (aged 30, shall we say?) is being shaved by OTHO in one of the rooms in his Palace. It is not his bedroom, for he does not sleep there; nor is it a reception room, though he is soon to receive his Chancellor. Let us call it his dressing-room, and assume that a man, so fond of posing as he, will spend much of his time within it.

He is all the Kings that there have been in fairy-tales and history. All the stories which have been told of the condescension of Kings were first told of him. When the workman’s little child falls down in front of the King’s carriage; when the intoxicated reveller, unaware of his identity, treats him as a boon-companion and a fellow-republican; when the sentry challenges him at the Palace gates, and refuses to let him pass; in these and a hundred emergencies none so conventionally royal as HILARY. He sees himself always as the hero of a royal story, or as sitter for a royal portrait.

At the moment he is the King condescending to his faithful servant—one of his favourite poses. We must assume that he is wearing his crown—or will as soon as OTHO has finished with him. In those days they always did.

OTHO. There! As pretty a shave as ever your Majesty has had.

KING. I am indebted to you, good Otho.

OTHO. It is a pleasure to deal with a beard like your Majesty’s. (Sponging his face) A beard so—so—if I may use the phrase⁠——

KING. You have my permission.

OTHO. So responsive. A beard like your Majesty’s, which, in a manner of speaking, meets the razor half-way⁠——

KING. I don’t know that I am interested in the assignations of my beard.

OTHO. As your Majesty pleases. (He prepares to spray the royal face) If you will condescend to close your Majesty’s eyes⁠——

KING (closing them). Gladly. I was fast wearying of the pattern of the ceiling. It has a sort of⁠——

OTHO. If it were also your Majesty’s pleasure to close the mouth—Thank you, your Majesty. (He sprays him) The towel. (He hands it.)

KING (dabbing his face). You are the only man in my kingdom who dare tell me to shut my mouth. It is an unusual privilege. You have no children?

OTHO. No, your Majesty, nor likely to.

KING. If I were sure of that, I should make the privilege hereditary. It would be an appropriate reward for your services.

OTHO (gracefully). The pleasure and privilege of serving your Majesty⁠——

KING. Is enough? Is that what you were about to say?

OTHO. To tell truth, your Majesty, I proposed to leave the sentence in the air, as a simple expression of loyalty. There were difficulties in the way of finishing it.

KING. Wise Otho.

OTHO. One must live.

KING. True. (With a yawn) And we must marry, it seems.

OTHO. It is generally expected of a King.

KING. So much is expected of a King. He has nothing to do but to fulfil expectations.

OTHO. The approaching ceremony is a matter of the utmost rejoicing, your Majesty.

KING. Another simple expression of loyalty?

OTHO. Not only on my lips this time, your Majesty, but in the hearts of your devoted subjects.

KING. Ah! (He permits himself a faint smile) Now, Otho, here is a question for you. See how you answer it.

OTHO. I will answer it truthfully, your Majesty.

KING. Can loyalty and truth be combined?

OTHO. By one who has made it his particular study, your Majesty.

KING. Come, then! Is it for my sake that the people most rejoice, or for the sake of Her Royal Highness?

OTHO. For both, your Majesty. But in their great loyalty they do not lose sight of the fact that the day is proclaimed a national holiday.

KING (on his dignity). Otho!

OTHO. (bowing). Your Majesty!

KING (recovering his sense of humour). You are a good fellow, Otho. (He laughs.)

OTHO. Thank you, your Majesty. Your Majesty will understand how devoted I am to your Majesty’s service.

KING. A good fellow. But there are moments when I weary of being called Your Majesty more than three times in a sentence. Particularly when, as now, in undress. (Graciously) After all, Otho, I am only a man like yourself.

OTHO. It is very condescending of your Majesty.

KING. “Of you.”

OTHO (surprised). Of me?

KING. No, no!... Well, well, call me what you like.

OTHO. Thank you, your Majesty. It is, I assure your Majesty, no trouble to me at all.

KING. You will hardly believe it, but that was not in my mind at the moment.

OTHO. Naturally, your Majesty.... (He busies himself professionally.)

KING. So our good people rejoice at the marriage?

OTHO. Men and women, your Majesty, young and old. Indeed, some of the old women, in a spirit of loyal anticipation, have already named the first baby for your Majesty.

KING (airily). Boy or girl?

OTHO. They have taken the liberty of anticipating a beautiful young Prince of the name of Rollo.

KING. Remind me when the time comes.

OTHO. Thank you, your Majesty.

KING. Rollo—it is as good a name as any other.

OTHO. The people will be much gratified by your Majesty’s choice.

KING. What more can a King desire, my good Otho?

OTHO. It depends a little on the King, your Majesty.

KING (ironically). Their gratification would not be lessened by the fact that any such happy event might be made the occasion for another national holiday?

OTHO. Speaking as one who will probably not be participating in it, I should imagine not, your Majesty.

KING. Otho!

OTHO (bowing). Your Majesty!

KING (recovering his sense of humour). You are irresistible. I give you the day now. Make your arrangements. I regret that I cannot guarantee the weather.

OTHO. Your Majesty is gracious as ever to his humble servant. I shall take the liberty of anticipating King’s Weather.

KING. That should be easy to a man who has already anticipated the baby.

(There is a knock at the door.)

A VOICE. May I come in?

OTHO. Her Royal Highness.

KING (loftily). See to it, Otho.

(Amaril comes in, as pretty as a princess in a story-book. The only fault that we can find in her is that she has a sense of humour. Poor girl.)

PRINCESS. But I am in. (She curtseys) Good morning!

KING (royally). We are delighted to see your Royal Highness. (He advances towards her.)

PRINCESS (kissing his hand). Your Majesty!

KING (raising her to her feet and kissing her formally on the cheek). Princess! (He leads her to a couch.) You wish to see me?

PRINCESS. Do I? I suppose I do. Is it too early—or too late? Are you at business—or at rest? To come to a point, have I chosen the wrong moment, or are you glad that I am here?... How difficult for you to answer!

KING. Leave us, Otho.

OTHO (bowing). Your Majesty! Your Royal Highness!

[He goes out.

PRINCESS. Well?

KING (stiffly). No moment is the wrong moment for your Royal Highness, no hour too early, nor too late.

PRINCESS. And yet⁠——?

KING. And yet?

PRINCESS. You are the King, and I should have craved audience?

KING. Five minutes ago I was being shaved.

PRINCESS (happily). I wish I had seen you.

KING. So that even were I not the King⁠——

PRINCESS. And even were we already married⁠——

KING. I should have wished to know that your Royal Highness⁠——

PRINCESS. “Your Majesty” in that case.

KING. —that your Majesty were coming.

PRINCESS. I understand. I have been forward, ill-bred, unroyal.

KING. My dear Amaril! (But he looks a little uncomfortable.)

PRINCESS (after a pause). Hilary!

KING. Yes?

PRINCESS (anxiously). I may call you Hilary—before we are married?

KING. It is for your Royal Highness to call me whatever she is pleased to call me.

PRINCESS (smiling). I used to call you Toto. Do you remember?

KING. I beg you not to call me Toto in front of the Chancellor. He would undoubtedly resign.

PRINCESS. Do you remember?

KING (stiffly). We were very young in those days.

PRINCESS. We are not very old now.

KING (wearily). I am a hundred and nine. Or is it a hundred and ten?

PRINCESS. I think I could make you younger than that.... We used to kiss when we were children. Do you remember?

KING (gracefully). It is a privilege which is still granted to me from time to time.

PRINCESS (shaking her head). Oh, no! It is not a privilege ... which is granted ... from time to time. It just happens.... Do you remember how it happened that first time?

KING. How does it happen with children? They are told to kiss each other good-night. Did I have my mouth wiped for me first? I forget.

PRINCESS (smiling to herself). We were playing in the gardens. You said you wanted to practise rescues, and you asked me if I minded falling into the pond, so that you could jump in and save me. And I said I would. And I fell in ... and a gardener jumped in after me and pulled me out. And I taunted you, and said you had been afraid, and that I should have drowned if the gardener hadn’t saved me. And you said you were just going to jump, only your foot slipped; and I said, No, you were a coward, and the gardener was a much braver man, and I would tell my father, and he would let me marry the gardener when I grew up. And I put my tongue out, and kept saying “Coward!” And suddenly you smacked my face—oh, with all your strength—and cried that you weren’t a coward, you weren’t, you weren’t, and you burst into tears ... and then your arms were round my neck and you kissed me, and sobbed, “Don’t marry the gardener. My foot did slip, really—but I promise you it will never slip again.” And so we clung to each other, and cried together. And I promised you that I would marry you, not the gardener.... And that is why I am marrying you to-morrow—because I promised.... (There is a silence between them.)

KING (coldly). I struck you, I betrayed you, I was a coward; and you choose this moment to remind me of it.

PRINCESS (distressed). Oh no, Hilary, no!... It was just the little boy I loved. I wanted to remind you of him.

KING. Do you think I need to be reminded? Do you think I am not ashamed? A coward!

PRINCESS. No, no, your foot slipped.

KING (bitterly). And a liar!

PRINCESS. Oh, let me say it did! Let me find excuses for you!

KING. We can be honest with each other now.

PRINCESS (sadly). Am I going to lose that little boy?

KING. I want you to know me as I am. Yes, you were right to remind me of what I was, but you will have nothing to fear from me in the future. That I can promise you. I shall not betray you again.

PRINCESS. I was not frightened, Hilary.

KING. Even now, if you were afraid—if you wished to return to your own country—even now⁠——

PRINCESS. Do you want me to go?

KING (formally). How can you ask me?

PRINCESS (wistfully). How can you not answer?

KING (gallantly). Your Royal Highness has made me the proudest man in my Kingdom—and her most devoted subject.

PRINCESS (with a sigh). And I once called him Toto!

KING. I think we may assume that Toto is dead.

PRINCESS (sadly). I think we may.

KING. But Hilary remains.

PRINCESS. Toto the First is dead. Long live Hilary the Twenty-fourth!

KING. And Long live the Queen!

PRINCESS (with a sigh). So long as it doesn’t seem long. (She gets up) Have I permission to leave your Majesty?

KING (smiling). My reluctant permission. (He comes to her.)

PRINCESS. Reluctantly I avail myself of it. (She kisses his hand. He raises her and kisses her cheek.)

KING (whispering as he kisses her). Don’t marry the gardener!

PRINCESS (turning to him eagerly). Toto! (But he is the King again. She says coldly) I beg your pardon, Hilary. (She moves away.)

KING. Otho!

OTHO (coming in). Your Majesty! (He opens the door for the PRINCESS) Your Royal Highness!

[She goes out.

KING. Is the Chancellor here?

OTHO. Not yet, your Majesty. But there is a sort of person outside who craves admittance into your Majesty’s presence.

KING. What sort of person?

OTHO. Just a sort of person, your Majesty.

KING. What does he want?

OTHO. What he actually said was: “I want to see the King.”

KING. And that is what you call “craving admittance”?

OTHO. Another form of it, your Majesty. I fancy that he brings a gift for your Majesty’s gracious consideration.

KING (doubtfully). H’m!

OTHO (helpfully). The gift appears to be about two feet by one.

KING (ironically). One deduces that it is neither a horse nor a diamond.

OTHO. Of which your Majesty has already a sufficiency.

KING. Why is it that you wish me to see him?

OTHO. I assure your Majesty that I know nothing of him. Yet there is an air about him....

KING (resigned). Well, let him come. (He seats himself regally.)

OTHO. Yes, your Majesty.

(He goes out and returns with the STRANGER. The STRANGER has something wrapped up, two feet by one, under his arm. He bows to the KING.)

KING. Otho! (OTHO, who was going, remains.) You wish to see me?

STRANGER. I wish to see your Majesty.... I have already had the privilege of seeing your Majesty’s body-servant.

KING (coldly). Well, now you see us both.

STRANGER. It would seem to be so, your Majesty, but, alas! it is not. In my great humility, my eyes keep resting upon the humble countenance of your Majesty’s servant.

KING. If you have anything to say, you may say it in front of him. He does not talk.

STRANGER. You mean that your Majesty does not listen.

KING (after a pause). Leave us, Otho.

OTHO. Your Majesty!

[He goes.

KING (coldly). Well?

STRANGER. I have a marriage gift for your Majesty.

KING. Which my servant may not see?

STRANGER. Your Majesty would wish to see it first.

KING. Is it so very alarming?

STRANGER. It is just a mirror.

KING. And what shall I see there?

STRANGER. Your Majesty will see—himself.

KING (picking up the hand-mirror). What else do I see in this?

STRANGER. Your Majesty sees only the King.

KING (with a sigh). True, they are different. The mirror does not show what the skilled painter can show. The portrait of me in my coronation robes which the Court Painter⁠——

STRANGER (smilingly). Oh, your Majesty, the Court Painter!

KING (coldly). You are in error, sir. I ordered him on this occasion to paint me as I really am. The man beneath the King.

STRANGER (thoughtfully). The Court Painter has an extravagant wife and many children.

KING. Well?

STRANGER. I think he painted the King.

KING (warningly). You are a brave man.

STRANGER. I have neither wife nor children.

KING. And a foolish one. There are men, and not Kings only, whose secret selves are hidden from the world. So much is true. Indeed, with a King it must be so. His life is so public that he must needs build himself a private life in which he may take refuge. There are men, yes, and Kings, whose secret selves are hidden even from themselves. They know not of what they are capable. Sometimes I wish that I were one of them. For, oh! my friend, if ever there was a man who knew himself, and was weary of himself, it is I.

STRANGER. Now, where have I heard that said?

KING. And so, if your mirror be truly as you say it be, I shall greet the face which I see there as that of an old friend; the face of a lonely man; a man who wishes what he will never achieve—to be loved for himself, as he is, with all his faults.

STRANGER. I seem to have heard that said too.

KING (with a sentimental sigh). With all his faults!

STRANGER. What particular faults were you thinking of, your Majesty?

KING (warming to it). I have, perhaps, an impetuosity which I do not show my people; a nature capable of more passion than I will let be seen. At heart I am indolent; I would gladly spend my day listening to music, or in contemplation of nature. I am rash; it may be that I jump to conclusions too quickly. Extravagant, yes; those who really knew me would say, “Recklessly so.” Ah yes, sir, there is indeed a very humble fellow beneath the King.

STRANGER. He sounds an attractive fellow.

KING (with a sigh). I would that I could think so.

STRANGER. I have often noticed that the faults to which humble people most readily confess are those which, in less humble men, would be regarded as virtues.

KING (coldly). Explain yourself.

STRANGER. I have yet to meet a man who says: “Alas, I know myself! I know that I am a liar and a coward.”

KING (rising furiously). Sir!

STRANGER. But I have met many who say: “Alas, I am full of faults! My generosity is extravagance; my courage, recklessness; my chivalry, mere foolishness!”

KING (grimly). Of your generosity and chivalry I know nothing, but certainly your courage has the appearance of recklessness.

STRANGER. How so, your Majesty?

KING. You are at my mercy.

STRANGER. I am content to be so. To every man there comes a time when life has no longer the charm which once he found in it ... and even to a King there must come a day when the sudden death of another man loses its first beauty.

KING (sulkily). I suffer no man to call me coward.

STRANGER. I call your Majesty nothing. It is the mirror which will tell your Majesty the truth.

KING. You think I am afraid to look?

STRANGER. If your Majesty knows himself, he has no reason to be afraid.

(He begins to unwrap it.)

KING (hesitating). Why do you bring it to me now?

STRANGER. Your Majesty is to be married to-morrow.

KING. But what of that?

STRANGER. A man can hide from himself what he cannot hide from his wife. Within a year Her Majesty will know what you will never know, unless you have seen it here—the truth about yourself.

KING. Is it well that I should know?

STRANGER. A wife should have no secrets from her husband.

(He stands the mirror on the table.)

KING (suspiciously). This is some trick. (He comes slowly to the mirror, looking doubtfully at the STRANGER as he comes.)

STRANGER. No trick, your Majesty.

(The KING stands in front of the mirror. Suddenly he starts back in horror.)

KING (furiously). It is a trick!

STRANGER. No, your Majesty.

(The KING looks more closely. He moves his head, his hands, his eyes ... and watches himself, fascinated.)

KING (in a low voice). It is no trick.

STRANGER. What does your Majesty see?

KING (his eyes still on the mirror, and beckoning with his hand). Look!

STRANGER (not moving). What does your Majesty see?

KING (slowly). Cruelty, cowardice, deceit, vanity, cunning, arrogance⁠——

STRANGER. It is a catalogue of the lesser virtues.

KING. Treachery, meanness, false humility⁠——

STRANGER. False humility. One must avoid that.

KING. Never have I seen such a face.

STRANGER. It is remarkable how most of us carry it off.

KING. And this man—can I call him a man?—this monster is to be married to-morrow.... Poor girl!

STRANGER (calmly). Doubtless she knows.

KING (turning to him). How can she know? Until two days ago, we had not met since we were children.

STRANGER. True. I was forgetting. It is thus that royalty marries.

KING. She must know.

STRANGER. She will find out.

KING. But it will be too late.

STRANGER. Is it not too late now?

KING. No! No! She must see! She must be warned!

STRANGER. Is it a marriage of love, then?

KING (in a low voice). I love her.... Can a King love? But I do love her.

STRANGER. Let her see, then.

KING (still at the mirror). Yes, yes! (He rings a bell.)

OTHO (coming in). Your Majesty!

KING. Otho! Here! (He beckons him to the mirror.)

STRANGER (warningly). Your Majesty! (He shakes his head.)

KING (taking the hint). Otho, ask Her Royal Highness if she can give me a moment of her time.

OTHO (withdrawing). Yes, your Majesty.

KING. You are right. Otho must not know the truth about me.

STRANGER (with a smile). I was not thinking of that, your Majesty. I was thinking that it would be unwise for you to know the truth about Otho.

KING. Unwise?

STRANGER. The world is at an end if we lose our illusions about our friends. It is a small matter that they should lose theirs about us.

KING (haughtily). Otho is my servant.

STRANGER. Yet if he is not your friend, who is?

KING (sadly). True. A King can have no friends.

STRANGER. Which is an excellent reason why he should seek one in the woman he marries. Perhaps it would be better not to show the mirror to Her Royal Highness.

KING. My mind is made up. It is her right.

STRANGER. Then may I suggest that your Majesty stands a little to one side of the mirror, and avoids looking into it, lest he should see Her Royal Highness there.

KING (angrily). Do you dare to suggest⁠——

STRANGER. Your Majesty would see nothing but truth and goodness in her face; yet—what is a woman if she has no secrets from us?

OTHO (announcing). Her Royal Highness!

(The STRANGER covers the mirror again.)

PRINCESS (coming in). Your Majesty wanted me?

STRANGER. Have I your Majesty’s permission to retire?

KING (regally). We are indebted to you for your gift.

STRANGER (bowing). Your Majesty is most gracious.

[OTHO takes him off.

PRINCESS. Nice-looking man.... Is it a present, Hilary?

KING. Come here, Amaril.

PRINCESS (coming). Yes?

KING (taking her by the shoulders and looking at her). You will be brave? But I can see that you are brave.

PRINCESS. What is it? Are you trying to frighten me? What has happened? Why are you so strange?

KING (bitterly). Strange—yes. (After a pause) Amaril, what do you really know of me?

PRINCESS. Nothing, Hilary.

KING. You see the King, wearing his crown—and his mask. But what do you know of the man beneath?

PRINCESS. Nothing, Hilary.

KING. Yet you are willing to marry me?

PRINCESS. We have not much choice in our world.

KING. If I could show you the real man; if the sight of him filled you with horror; would you have the courage, even at this hour, to leave him and go back to your own country?

PRINCESS. I am not a coward, Hilary. I would have the courage to leave him, if I wished to leave him—and I would have the courage to stay with him, if I wished to help him.

KING (bitterly). No, you are not a coward. But what am I?

PRINCESS. I think you are a little morbid about yourself sometimes.

KING. And I have reason to be.

PRINCESS. You have a picture of yourself to show me. Is that it?

KING. A mirror in which you shall see me as I really am.

(He takes the cover off.)

PRINCESS. Ah!

KING. When you have seen it, you will know ... and I shall not see you again. (He motions her to stand in front of it.) Come!

PRINCESS (not moving). Is it so terrible?

KING. To me, yes. To you, also, when you have seen it.

PRINCESS. Yet you are willing to show it to me?

KING (with dignity). It is only fair to your Royal Highness. As a man of honour⁠——

PRINCESS. As a man of honour you are prepared to throw away your chance of happiness with me?

KING (heroically). As a man of honour I must.

PRINCESS. It is happiness? You still wish me to marry you?

KING. If your Royal Highness could stoop so low. But I am ashamed to ask.

PRINCESS (her temper rising). At least, then, I shall see in the mirror the portrait of a man of honour. There will be humility also, and shame. Is it so terrible a picture? (The KING says nothing. She goes on scornfully) Or shall I see none of these things? Is His Majesty still posing, still wearing his crown and mask, still making a portrait of himself for his own delight?

KING (regally). Madam, you go too far!

PRINCESS (exhibiting him to the world). Portrait of King Hilary the Twenty-Fourth on his royal dignity: “Madam, you go too far.” One more portrait for your private gallery! Portrait of the King condescending royally to his body-servant: “Amuse me, good Otho. I am aweary of this world.” Portrait of the King graciously accepting marriage gifts from strangers: “Sir, we thank you. We Kings are lonely men....” Portrait of the King discovering that he is full of evil and resolving to enter a monastery—portrait of the King deciding that for the sake of his beloved people he will remain outside—portrait of the⁠——

KING (furiously). You dare to say these things to me?

PRINCESS. I dare to say these things to you! I am not a false, dressed-up coward like—that man! (In her anger she has been walking up and down, and now finds herself enough in front of the mirror to see the KING’S face in it. She points scornfully at it as she says, “That man.” Then suddenly her expression changes; she looks in amazement at the mirror—at the KING—at the mirror again.) Toto!

KING (staggered). What?

PRINCESS (turning eagerly to him). Toto! My darling! You’ve come back to me!

KING. What madness is this?

PRINCESS (to the mirror). My ugly little, stupid little, vain little, bad little, funny little Toto! (She goes to him and throws her arms round him.) My darling, why didn’t you tell me?

KING (with dignity). Really, Amaril, this is most⁠——(He tries to disengage himself.)

PRINCESS (soothing him). There, there!

OTHO (outside). Your Majesty?

KING (frantically). Amaril!... Enter, Otho!

(OTHO comes in, as the PRINCESS slips away from the KING. The latter hastily covers the mirror.)

OTHO. Your Majesty, the Chancellor is without.

KING (very regal). We will receive him, Otho. (He seats himself.)

PRINCESS (with immense dignity). Have I your Majesty’s leave to withdraw?

KING (offering a royal hand). Your Royal Highness!

PRINCESS (kissing it). Your Majesty!

(OTHO conducts her out by the one door, and returns to the other for the Chancellor. The KING assumes the portrait of “Hilary XXIV. receiving his Chancellor in audience.” Just as his expression is at its best, the PRINCESS pops her head in at the door.)

PRINCESS (in a babyish sing-song voice). To-to!

(He turns angrily. She blows a kiss to him and disappears again.)

OTHO (announcing). His Excellency the Chancellor!

(The KING awaits him regally.)