Volume 3 — Our Rural Mail Box

Bridget—Better put on your woolen socks, Bridget, or you will catch cold in your lungs.

* * *

Andy Gump—A continuous buzzing noise in your ears is not always a sign of serious mental trouble, or any other illness. It is probably the first indication that your wife needs a new hat.

* * *

Sweet Marie—You are mistaken, Marie. The Scottish Highlanders are not members of the Middlesex Regiment.

* * *

Weeping Winnie—Cheer up, Winnie. You are overdosed on pessimism and, in retrospection, I feel sure you have presented a very sad aspect to the cynics of humanity.

* * *

Queen Liz—Your singing lessons may keep the wolf away from the door, ’tis true, if the wolf hears you.

* * *

“You can’t pick me up—I’m not of that metal,” said the piece of glass to the bar magnet.

* * *

Naughty Nellie—Where does your lap go when you stand up?

* * *

Willie Zatso—It is considered bad manners for children to stick their elbows out when cutting their meat at dinner. You might make your father cut his mouth.

* * *

A knock-kneed man walked down the street. Said the right knee to the left knee, “If you let me get around this time I’ll let you get around next time.”

* * *

Warm Stuff

I saw a dog chasing a jackrabbit down the hill and it was so hot the dog and rabbit were both walking. (Lie down, Fido, you’re all wet.)

* * *

We Clipped This

“I’ve got that down Pat,” said Mrs. Flanigan, as she gave her son a dose of castor oil.

* * *

Bob—“You look sweet enough to eat.”

Gert—“I do! Where shall we go?”

* * *

Frank Adams in a recent Cosmopolitan story describes the modern dance thusly:

“If there wasn’t any music they would be arrested.”

* * *