Volume 3 — A Dish of Pot Pourri
Reading edition
Put on your muzzle, father, here comes the dog catcher.
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Salesmanship
A man was hit by an automobile in front of the Whiz Bang News Stand at Sixth Street and Hennepin Avenue, Minneapolis, the other day. He arose rather dazed and ventured “Where am I?”
“Here you are, sir,” replied the book seller, “a map of Minneapolis for ten cents.”
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Doctors ought to get wise to themselves and hire some cabaret singers to entertain their prescription hounds in the waiting rooms.
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Mighty Obliging
Kiss me cute, kiss me cunning; kiss me quick, my daddy’s coming.
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Brother, ah’s tough; ah’s so tough mah shadow won’t walk down the street with me, an’ when ah gargles mah throat ah has to use carbolic acid an’ boilin’ water to even feel it.
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You must sleep well, you lie so easy.
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Beg Your Pardon
Our hired man Pete informs us that it wasn’t a six-foot tank of solid concrete that he dove into, as announced in our last issue, but that it was a six-foot tank filled with tapioca pudding instead.
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I’ve heard of a lot of absent-minded guys, but the one who scratched his hot cake and poured the syrup down his neck beats ’em all—What say?
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Whiz Bang’s Monthly Motto
Never look a blind pig in the eye.
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Peroxide Blues
He—You were a red head last night.
She—Now I’m a black head.
He—I’ll have to squeeze you.
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We know a certain “reformer” in Santa Ana who could make a fortune if he would sell his pictures for puzzles.
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A Little Cotton Tale
“Really, I seldom cross my feet in a street car.”
“I hardly ever wear silk ones either.”
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Heard in a Beanery
Waiter—“One stew for a bum! He has his own bread!”
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Our Monthly Special
Ashes to ashes, sand to sand; please show me a butcher that won’t weigh his hand.
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I know a man who refuses to shave until he gets a drink of good liquor. He is now tripping on his beard.
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Were you ever at sea?
No, madam, I came over from Ireland in a wagon.
How could you cross the ocean in a wagon?
Why, my good woman, I rowed over.
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They All Do That
I am wild, wild with glee; because I kissed my sweetheart, and she slapped me—That convinced me that she loved me.
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Question
Woman thinks that man is rude If he stares at skirt to knee, But, lady, do you wear it short Just for other girls to see?
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My girl’s name is Niagara. She falls for anybody.
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The Villain
They shot him with limburger cheese and then killed him for smelling bad.
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He—My father has a rabbit tattooed on his arm.
She—That’s nothing. My father has hares all over his chest.
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Memories of the Depot Man
Down on a depot platform, Bathed in the bleak wintry breeze, Shy long ago of its contents, With nothing inside it to freeze; Shy long ago of its contents, Drained of its last amber dreg, Bungless and beerless and friendless, Stands an empty eight gallon keg.
* * *
She—You married me for love and got it.
Old Foggie—You married me for money and got it.
She—I’ll tell the world I earned it.
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Truck Driver to Barber
Don’t put any of that powder on my face, see! What ya tink I am, a sissie?
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A fashion magazine reminds us that one way to get away from the city Bustle is to move to the Outskirts.
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A Home Run
While swimming someone stole his clothes, so he painted a number on his B. V. D.’s and ran home like a track man.
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Line Up For Mess, Boys
Cora, Cora, I adore you, And for home I hate to start, But the beans are ready, Cora, And the best of friends must part.