Volume 2 — Our Rural Mail Box
Reading edition
Will Wright—Certainly not, Will; the Rev. “Golightly” Morrill writes only of things he has seen—not his personal experiences.
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Rev. Numm—We have mislaid our best recipe, but whatever you use, don’t forget the raisins.
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Della K. Tessen—No, Della, he was no gentleman.
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Lew Dikrus—When Gus was that way he shaved his head and burned his clothes.
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Cora Gate—Slap his face the next time.
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Iva Byte—Yes, all men are like that.
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Gracey—No, Gracey, I don’t walk in my sleep. I take carfare to bed with me.
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A NATIONAL BIRD IS THE EAGLE—WITH THE STORK A CLOSE SECOND.
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Essence of Joy, By Gum
By L. J. Messenger
Please kiss me, dear, the youth insisted, As ’round her waist, his arms he twisted. I will, says she, if you’ll agree To buy some chewing gum for me. So the youth was wise and bought the gum, And told his dearie he wanted one. All right, he heard her softly sigh, The gum for me you’ll ne’er deny. Now this is a thing I’ve never done, Kisses, my dear, I always shun, But I know I’ll like them as well as you, If they’re as good as the gum I chew. So she sat right down upon a chair, She chewed her gum and fussed her hair, And the nearer she came to the “bargained fun” The faster she chewed her chewing gum. Suddenly she chewed with all her might, And placed her arms around him tight, She swallowed her gum, and cried, “Don’t miss. I love my gum, but oh, djer kiss.”
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His First Offense
In New York City, all those who are sent to jail for thirty days are required to take a bath. A bath attendant upon noticing that Ike Kabibble’s person was none too clean, suddenly exclaimed:
“Hey, there, you guy! Did you ever take a bath before?”
“Vell,” Abe replied, “I nefer vas arrested before.”
* * *
She said to him beneath the tree, “Well, I’ll love you if you love me.” The kiss he gave with love did burn, She gave him ditto in return.