Volume 2 — Pasture Pot Pourri
Reading edition
I can’t place you, but your breath smells familiar.
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A Cold One
It isn’t the cough that carries you off, It’s the coffin they carry you offin.
* * *
Never steal a watch, because a lawyer will eventually get the case and you the works.
* * *
I want a girl and I want her bad.
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Gus’s Favorite Song
The old gray mare she sits on the whipple tree; Sits on the whipple tree; sits on the whipple tree; The old gray mare, she sits on the whipple tree, All the whole day long.
* * *
Is your boss broadminded?
I should say so; he was out with two last night.
* * *
Pat and Mike staggered weakly to the rail of the pitching liner. “Begorra,” said Pat, “Oi don’t blame Christ for walking.”
* * *
If ignorance is a blister, don’t be an abscess.
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Girls, whatever you do—don’t get married. Bring your children up the same way.
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Women can do things manly, And do them without a frown, But when she starts to climb a tree, It’s time to call her down.
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Love is like hash—you must have confidence to enjoy it.
* * *
No, Geraldine, just because a cranky woman is sometimes called an old cat is no reason you should refer to a voting woman as a poll cat.
* * *
Now Mary had a swarm of bees, She loved their buzzing lives; They also loved their Mary, ’cause Their Mary had the hives.
* * *
Our motto for May: “You’re a million miles from nowhere when you hold her dainty hand.”
* * *
Since the Dutch Room Raid
Here’s to San Diego—the best town all around; Here’s to dear old Boston—the city of the sound; Here’s to good Chicago that once was up-to-date; And here’s to Minneapolis—she’s been so dead of late.
* * *
We lost our good spirit when they took away our booze.