ACT V.

Mat. I'll not refuse my uncle's courtesy, But go and see his house. I should before Have done that duty to him, but I thought My visits were not welcome, since he liv'd So close and privately. Theo. Sweet cousin, you'll find A happy alteration in my father, And that there dwells a kind and honest soul Within his breast. Though wretched avarice, The usual fault of age, has heretofore Too much kept back the good expressions Of such-like thoughts, he now will make amends To all the world; and has begun already With his poor neighbours. Mat. Cousin, I shall be Too bad a guest at this sad time, and bring Nothing but sorrow to my uncle's house. Theo. You'll be yourself a welcome guest to him; And I shall think our roof exceeding happy, If it may mitigate that killing grief, Which your so solitary life too much Has nourish'd in you. Cousin, feed it not: 'Tis a disease that will in time consume you. I have already given the best advice, That my poor knowledge will afford, to ease Your troubled thoughts. If time, which Heaven allows To cure all griefs, should not have power to do it: If death of father, mother, husband, wife, Should be lamented still, the world would wear Nothing but black: sorrow alone would reign In every family that lives, and bring Upon poor mortals a perpetual night. You must forget it, cousin. Mat. Never can I Forget my love to him. Theo. Nor do I strive To teach you to forget that love you bear To his dear memory; but that grief which lies Wrapp'd in amongst it, and turns all to poison, Making it mortal to that soul that tastes it— 'Tis that, sweet cousin, which I hope that time May by degrees extinguish. Will you please To walk along? My father long ere this Expects us, I am sure, and longs to see you. [Exeunt.

Eug. I blame you not at all, that by the law And virtue of your places are requir'd To apprehend me. Officer. We are sorry, sir, we were enforc'd to seize you. Eug. But I wonder What curious eye it was that search'd so far Into my secret walks, that did discover This dark abode of mine, and envied me My solitary sorrow: such a life, As I enjoy'd, a man might well afford To his most great and mortal enemy. Officer. 'Twas a plain fellow, sir, that brought us hither In the king's name, and left us when we had you. But, sir, we wish you all the good we may. Eug. I thank you, friends: I cannot tell at all Whom to suspect; nor will I further vex My thoughts in search of such a needless thing. I call to mind what once my Theodore Told me by way of a surmise; but, sure, It cannot be so foul. Shall I entreat you To carry me to old Sir Argent Scrape, My kinsman? I would only speak with him, Before I go to prison: and let one, If you can spare a man, go run for me To Master Earthworm's house, and bid his son Meet me with old Sir Argent; he lies now At my Lady Covet's house. I have about me What will reward your pains, and highly too. Officer. It shall be done, as you would have it, sir. Eug. I dare not send to fair Artemia: The sight of her and of so dear a sorrow As she would show, would but afflict me more. Perchance I may come safely off; till then I would conceal this accident from her. But fame is swiftest still, when she goes laden With news of mischief: she too soon will hear, And in her sorrow I shall doubly suffer. Thus are we fortune's pastimes: one day live Advanc'd to heaven by the people's breath, The next, hurl'd down into th' abyss of death.

Euph. But are you sure 'tis hereabouts he lives? Ha! who is that? 'Tis he, and in the hands Of officers! Cousin, the mischief's done Before we come. Art. O my dear Eugeny! Eug. Artemia too! Ah me! she swoons! Help, help! Look up, my love! There is no fear at all For me; no danger: all is safe, and full Of hope and comfort. Euph. She begins to come Unto herself again. Eug. But pray, sir, tell How came you hither, noble Euphues? Euph. I never knew the place; but now, by her Instructions, found it out. I came to bear Her company, and her intent of coming Was to inform you of a danger near— Of such a monstrous mischief, as perchance You scarce can credit. Old Sir Argent Scrape, By me and by another gentleman, Was overheard to say that he had scouts, And had laid certain plots to apprehend His kinsman Eugeny, just before th' assizes. Besides, what further means he did intend, Closely to work your death, he then declar'd To the old covetous lady, whom he came A suitor to. Eug. Prophetic Theodore, how right thou wert! Euph. This thing, when I had heard, I told it her, and we with speed made hither; But ere we came, the mischief was fulfill'd. Eug. I thank you, sir, for this discovery: Howe'er I speed, pray pardon me, if I Shall by the hand of justice die your debtor. How soon from virtue and an honour'd spirit Man may receive what he can never merit! Be not thou cruel, my Artemia; Do not torment me with thy grief, and make Me die before my time: let hope a while Suspend thy sorrow; if the worst should fall, Thy sorrow would but more enfeeble me, And make me suffer faintly for thy sake. Art. If worst should fall, my love (which heaven forfend), How could I choose but suffer? Euph. I will hope Your safety yet may well be wrought; and knowing Sir Argent's mind, you know what ways to trust. Art. Good cousin, help us with thy counsel now, If thou dost love my life. Euph. Fear it not, cousin: If I may aid you, sir, in anything, You shall command it. Eug. Sir, I cannot thank you So much as it deserves: this timely favour, If not in life, yet shall at least in death Endear me to you. Art. Do not name that word, My dearest love! Euph. You must be speedy, sir, In all your courses now. Eug. Then let me beg That you would meet me at my Lady Covet's. I'll ring Sir Argent Scrape so loud a peal, As shall, perchance, awake his bed-rid soul, And rouse it, though so deeply sunk in dross— Drown'd and o'erwhelm'd with muck. Go you together, And leave me to my way. Art. Farewell, dear love! [Exeunt severally.

Bar. Madam, 'tis sure; I know your ladyship Is so possess'd. Lady W. I think he loves me well, And will not now start back from marrying me. Bar. That is the happy hour he only longs for; But if so strange a thing should come to pass, Which yet I think impossible, that this Your marriage should break off, I will give back Into your hand this bond, which I receiv'd; And 'tis worth nothing, madam, as you know By the condition. Lady W. True, I fear it not; But I durst trust you, if 'twere otherwise. Bar. He waits the hour, when you will please to tie The happy knot with him. Lady W. He shall no longer Wait for it now: I'll go confirm him. Bar. But think not, gentle madam, that I shark[19] Or cheat him in it: I have to a sum Greater than this from him as good a title As right can give, though my unhappy fortunes Made me forbear the trial of my title, While his old crafty father was alive. He held from me a farm of greater value, As all the neighbours know: I then forbore it, And will do still, since by an easier way I may have satisfaction. But here comes One that has lost a marriage.

Lady C. Tell me, Trusty, what say the feoffees? Trusty. They'll say nothing, madam; Make me no answer, but that they know how To manage their own fortunes. Lady C. All the world Conspires against me; I am quite undone! Trusty. I promise you truly, madam, I believe They mean little better than plain knavery. Lady C. Ay, 'tis too true. Lady W. How does your ladyship? I was in hope to-day we should have seen you A joyful bride. Lady C. Ah, madam! 'twas my folly To dream of such a thing; 'tis that has brought me To all this sorrow, and undone me quite. Lady W. I hope not so. But, madam, I confess The marriage could have done you little good: One of your years, and then a man so old! Lady C. O, do not mention it; I am justly punish'd. Lady W. Pardon me, madam; I must make so bold As leave you for a while. Come, Master Barnet, Shall we go see the party? Bar. I wait you, madam. [Exeunt. Lady C. My sorrow will not leave me. But, alas! 'Tis a deserved punishment I suffer For my unjust oppressions; I detain'd Scudmore's estate injuriously, and had No conscience to restore what was not mine, And now all's ta'en away! What then I would not, I cannot now perform, though I desire.

Free. Fear not, Artemia, there shall no means Be left untri'd to save the gentleman. I did approve thy choice, and still will do, If fortune will consent. My Lady Covet, Are you sad still? Lady C. Never had any woman A greater cause of sorrow, Master Freeman; For I protest it does not trouble me So much, that by this cheat I lose the power Of my estate, as that I lose all means Of charity or restitution To any person whom I wrong'd before. Free. Why, then, you make a true and perfect use Of such a cross, and may hereafter take True comfort from it. Lady C. If my conscience Were satisfi'd, I could forsake the rest.

Euph. My cousin, I perceive, has made more haste Hither than I; but I have seen a pageant That, in the saddest time, would make one laugh. Free. What, prythee? Euph. I have seen your neighbour Earthworm In such a mood, as you would wonder at, And all that ever knew him heretofore. He is inveighing 'gainst Sir Argent Scrape For being so basely covetous, as thus For hope of lucre to betray his kinsman: A thing that he himself would scorn as much, He does protest, as can be. Free. I have known It otherwise. What may not come to pass, When Earthworm is a foe to avarice? Euph. But he, they say, has made it good in deeds. Free. He has been so exceeding bountiful Now to our poor, and vows to be so still, That we may well believe he is quite chang'd, And strives to make amends for what is pass'd. He has, they say, a brave and virtuous son, Lately come home, that has been cause of all. Euph. It well may be: I know young Theodore. Uncle, he is of strange abilities; And to convert his father was an act Worthy of him.

Ser. Madam, Sir Argent Scrape would take his leave Of you. Lady C. When it pleases him. Sir Arg. Get me my litter Ready presently; I will be gone. Madam, I now am come to give you loving thanks For my good cheer, and so bid you farewell. But let me tell you this, before we part: Things might have been carried another way For your own good; but you may thank yourself For what has happened now. Lady C. If you suppose It had been for my good to marry you, You are deceiv'd; for that, in my esteem (Though once I was so foolish to give way To that ridiculous motion), had brought with it As great a misery as that which now Is fall'n upon me. Sir Arg. How! as great a misery As to be beggar'd? Lady C. Yes, sir, I'll assure you, I am of that opinion, and still shall be. But know, Sir Argent, though I now want pow'r To give you that which you still gap'd for, wealth, I can be charitable, and bestow Somewhat upon you that is better far. Sir Arg. Better than wealth! what's that? Lady C. Honest counsel. Let my calamity admonish you To make a better use of your large wealth, While you may call it yours. Things may be chang'd; For know, that hand that has afflicted me, Can find out you. You do not stand above it. Sir Arg. I hope I shall know how to keep mine own. Euph. I do begin to pity the poor lady. Free. This has wrought goodness in her. Who are these?

My neighbour Earthworm? Lord! how he is chang'd! Earth. 'Twas basely done, and like a covetous wretch, I'll tell him to his face: what care I for him? I have a purse as well as he. Euph. How's this? Earth. Betray a kinsman's life to purchase wealth! O, detestable! Euph. O miraculous change! Do you not hear him, uncle? Earth. Master Freeman, happily met. Free. Sir, I am glad to see you. Earth. I have been long your neighbour, sir, but liv'd In such a fashion, as I must endeavour To make amends hereafter for, and strive To recompence with better neighbourhood. Free. It joys me much to see this change in you. Earth. Pardon my boldness, madam, that I make This intrusion. Lady C. Y'are welcome, Master Earthworm. Euph. Let me be bold, then, noble Theodore, To claim our old acquaintance. Theo. I shall think it My honour, worthy sir, to hold that name. Earth. Is that Sir Argent Scrape in the chair yonder? Free. Yes, sir. Earth. O, fie upon him! But soft, He will be told on't now. [Eugeny brought in. Sir Arg. Ha! Eugeny! Why have they brought him hither? Eug. I am come. Methinks these looks of mine, inhumane wretch! Though I were silent, should have power to pierce That treacherous breast, and wound thy conscience, Though it be hard and senseless as the idol Which thou ador'st, thy gold. Sir Arg. Is this to me, kinsman, you speak? Eug. Kinsman! Do not wrong That honest name with thy unhallowed lips. To find a name for thee and thy foul guilt, Has so far pos'd me, as I cannot make Choice of a language fit to tell thee of it. Treacherous, bloody man! that has betray'd And sold my life to thy base avarice! Sir Arg. Who? I betray you? Eug. Yes; can you deny it? Lady C. I'll witness it against him, if he do. 'Twas his intent, I know. Euph. And so do I: I overheard his counsels. Earth. Out upon him, Unworthy man! Euph. I could e'en laugh to hear Old Earthworm chide. Eug. But think upon the deed, Think on your own decrepit age, and know That day, by nature's possibility, Cannot be far from hence, when you must leave Those wealthy hoards that you so basely lov'd, And carry nothing with thee, but the guilt Of impious getting: then, if you would give To pious uses what you cannot keep, Think what a wretched charity it is; And know, this act shall leave a greater stain On your detested memory, than all Those seeming deeds of charity can have A pow'r to wash away: when men shall say In the next age: this goodly hospital, This house of alms, this school, though seeming fair, Was the foul issue of a cursed murder, And took foundation in a kinsman's blood. The privilege that rich men have in evil, Is, that they go unpunish'd to the devil. Sir Arg. O! I could wish the deed undone again. Ah me! what means are left to help it now? Free. Sure, the old man begins to melt indeed. Eug. Now let me turn to you, my truer friends, And take my last farewell.

Euph. My noble chaplain! What pranks comes he to play now? I had thought His business had been done. Fruit. Health to you, madam! Lady C. How can you wish me health, that have so labour'd To ruin me in all things? Fruit. No, good madam; 'Twas not your ruin, but your good I sought: Nor was it to deprive you of your means, But only rectify your conscience. Free. How's this? Euph. Another fetch! this may be worth the hearing. Fruit. Madam, you convey'd away To three good honest men your whole estate. Lady C. They have not prov'd so honest: I had thought I might have trusted them. Fruit. Then give me hearing. They, by the virtue of that deed possess'd, Have back again convey'd it all to you. Lady C. Ha! Fruit. Madam, 'twas done before good witnesses, Of which your steward here was one. Trusty. Most true. Fruit. And all the other are well-known to you. Here is the deed. Free. Let me peruse it, madam. Lady C. Good Master Freeman, do.

Euph. What plot is this? Fruit. One manor only they except from hence. Which they suppose you did unjustly hold From the true heir: his name was Scudmore, madam. Lady C. I do confess I did unjustly hold it; And since have griev'd me much, that while I might, I made not restitution. Fruit. He was poor, And by the law could not recover it; Therefore this means was taken. By this deed They have convey'd it hither, where it ought Of right to be: are you content with this? And all the rest of your estate is yours. Lady C. With all my heart. Free. Madam, the deed is good. Lady C. For that estate which justly is pass'd over To Scudmore's heir, I am so well content, As that, before these gentlemen, I promise To pay him back all the arrearages Of whatsoever profits I have made. Fruit. I thank your ladyship. Now know your chaplain, That wanted orders. [Discovers himself. Lady C. Master Scudmore living! Euph. My friend, how couldst thou keep conceal'd so long From me? Scud. Excuse it, noble Euphues. Art. O happiness beyond what could be hop'd! My Eugeny is safe, and all his griefs At quiet now. Eug. Is this a vision, A mere fantastic show, or do I see Scudmore himself alive? then let me beg Pardon from him. Scud. Long ago 'twas granted: Thy love I now shall seek. But though awhile For these my ends I have conceal'd myself, I ever meant to secure thee from danger. Eug. What strange unlook'd-for happiness this day Has brought forth with it! Scud. To tell you by what means I was most strangely cur'd, and found a way How to conceal my life, will be too long Now to discourse of here; I will anon Relate at large. But one thing much has griev'd me, That my too long concealment has been cause Of so much sorrow to my constant love, The fair Matilda. Sir, she is your niece, Let me intreat my pardon, next to her, From you. Earth. You have it. Go, good Theodore, And bring her hither, but prepare her first: Too sudden apprehension of a joy Is sometimes fatal. Theo. I'll about it gladly. [Exit. Sir Arg. Dear cousin Eugeny, if I yet may be Thought worthy of that name, pardon my crime, And my whole life, how short soe'er it be, Shall testify my love to be unfeigned. Eug. I do forgive you freely. Now to you, Grave sir, in whose rich bounty it must lie, To make me happy in conferring on me So bright a jewel as Artemia, 'Tis your consent I beg. Free. You have it freely; Her heart I know she gave you long ago, And here I give her hand. Eug. A richer gift Than any monarch of the world can give: Bless'd happiness? Gently my joys distil,[20] Lest you do break the vessel you should fill.

Euph. Here comes another couple to make up The day's festivity. Joy to you, madam! Lady W. Thanks, noble Euphues. Dot. We have tied the knot, That cannot be undone: this gentleman is witness Of it. Bar. Yes, I saw it finish'd. Lady W. Mistress Artemia, as I suppose, I may pronounce as much to you? Art. You may as much as I shall wish your ladyship.

Scud. Here comes the dearest object of my soul, In whom too much I see my cruelty, And chide myself. O, pardon me, dear love, That I too long a time have tyranniz'd Over thy constant sorrow. Mat. Dearest Scudmore, But that my worthy cousin has prepar'd My heart for this, I should not have believ'd My flattering eyes. Scud. To know brave Theodore, Next to enjoying thee, was my ambition; Which now affinity hath bless'd me with. Eug. His friendship, worthy Scudmore, is a treasure. Theo. I shall endeavour to deserve your loves. Earth. Come, leave your compliments at all hands now, And hear an old man speak. I must intreat This favour from all this noble company, Especially from you, good Master Freeman, Although this be your daughter's wedding-day, That you would all be pleas'd to be my guests, And keep with me your marriage festivals. Grant my request. Free. 'Tis granted, sir, from me. Eug. And so, I think, from all the company. Earth. Then let's be merry: Earthworm's jovial now, And that's as much as he desires from you. [To the Pit.