MUDDLED METAPHORS
Reading edition
By a Moore-ose Melodist
Oh, ever thus from childhood's hour, I've seen my fondest hopes recede! I never loved a tree or flower That didn't trump its partner's lead.
I never nursed a dear gazelle, To glad me with its dappled hide, But when it came to know me well, It fell upon the buttered side.
I never taught a cockatoo To whistle comic songs profound, But, just when "Jolly Dogs" it knew, It failed for ninepence in the pound.
I never reared a walrus cub In my aquarium to plunge, But, when it learned to love its tub, It placidly threw up the sponge!
I never strove a metaphor To every bosom home to bring But—just as it had reached the door— It went and cut a pigeon's wing!
Tom Hood, Jr.