The Grecian chief his jacket put on, Though there was not a single button, Either of horn, or metal cast, Remain'd upon't, to make it fast. Yet, as they could not do without him, He tied it with a cord about him; Not a grand swashy green or red cord, But an old rotten piece of bed-cord; Then don'd a pair of piss-burnt brogues on, And went to lead his ragged rogues on;— Whilst Hector, ever bold and steady, Soon got his trusty Trojans ready. For signal, two celestial strumpets Employ their tongues instead of trumpets. Jove thunder'd too, but all the sound In their superior noise was drown'd; For such a din they made at starting, His thunder sounded just like farting. And now, whilst Agamemnon mauls 'em, And with his crab-tree cudgel galls 'em, Jove call'd for Iris, to direct her To go and caution bully Hector To let this Grecian bruiser roam, Till some chance knock should send him home. Then Hector makes a woeful rout. And kicks the Grecians all about; Whome'er he hit, he surely dropp'd him, Till Diom. and Ulysses stopp'd him; Stopp'd for a while, but 'twas not much, For Diomede soon got a touch, Which made the bully limp away, And leave Ulysses in the fray, Who got, unless the poet lies, A broken rib and two black eyes; When Menelau, and Ajax stout, Came apropos to help him out. Hector for Ajax went to seek, But found his nob too hard to break. Whilst thus each other's bones they whack Paris—had almost lam'd their quack; Nestor at this, without delay, Drives both himself and quack away. Achilles, who was looking out To see what work they were about, Sends his companion to inquire What made old grizzle-beard retire. The threshold he had scarce set foot on, When Nestor seiz'd him by the button; In that condition did he hold him, Till he had two long stories told him, How cocks and bulls, when he was young, Would fight like devils all day long. But still the aim of this old whelp Was but to gain Achilles' help, Or, if he would not come to blows, To lend Patroclus his thick clothes. Patroclus then his best legs put on, Glad he'd so well releas'd his button, And met Euryp'lus as he went Limping along to reach his tent; Though he just then was running faster Than penny-postman, this disaster Stay'd him till he had spread a plaster.