XVIII. THREE CHANCES FOR A WIFE.

When a man has three chances for a wife, it is, indeed, a hard mischance if he should fail. The following is one of those cases which might have occurred down east, but I am rather doubtful if a similar event was ever known in any other part of the world. But let me give the experience of the gentleman, who had three chances, in his own language:

“I once courted a gal by the name of Deb Hawkins. I made it up to get married. Well, while we was going up to the deacon’s, I stepped my foot into a mud puddle, and spattered the mud all over Deb Hawkins’ new gown, made out of her grandmother’s old chintz petticoat. Well when we got to the deacon’s, he asked Deb if she would take me for her lawful wedded husband?

“ ‘No,’ says she, ‘I shan’t do no such thing.’

“ ‘What on airth is the reason?’ says I.

“ ‘Why,’ says she, ‘I’ve taken a mislikin’ to you.’

“Well, it was all up with me then, but I give her a string of beads, a few kisses, some other notions, and made it all up with her; so we went up to the deacon’s a second time. I was determined to come up to her this time, so when the deacon asked me if I would take her for my lawfully wedded wife, says I:

“ ‘No, I shan’t do no such thing.’

“ ‘Why,’ says Deb, ‘what on airth is the matter?’

“ ‘Why,’ says I, ‘I have taken a mislikin’ to you now.’

“Well there it was all up again, but I gave her a new apron, and a few other little trinkets, and we went up again to get married. We expected then we would be tied so fast that all nature couldn’t separate us, and when we asked the deacon if he wouldn’t marry us he said:

“ ‘No, I shan’t dew any such thing.’

“ ‘Why, what on airth is the reason? says we.

“ ‘Why,’ says he, ‘I’ve taken a mislikin’ to both on you.’

“Deb burst out cryin’, the deacon burst out scoldin’, and I burst out laughin’, and sich a set of reg’lar busters you never did see.”