Chapter IV

Of his forsaking the church of Rome.

A VARIETY of incidents contributed to this part of his conduct. He was first deeply concerned about the weighty affair of his own salvation; and then began to think seriously of the influence which his religious connexions might have thereon, which prepared him for attending to whatever he at any time either read, or had spoken to him on this head.

That which outwardly contributed most thereto was the instance of his brother, of whom he had learned Latin. “A man (to use his own words) of tolerable learning, and designed for a Popish priest. But seeing many errors among them, he renounced popery.”

About the eighteenth year of his age, while he was a strict observer of the Romish church, this brother (whose relinquishing it was some years before) began frequently to discourse with him concerning the principles of the Romanists. But “I strenuously (says he) though ignorantly withstood him; alledging in my defence the traditions and canons of the church, while he, on the contrary, appealed to the law, and to the testimony. He often said to me, My brother why do you not read God’s word? Lay aside prejudice, and let us reason together.”

“To the same purpose spake another person in the neighbourhood, one Mr. Philip Geyer, a Protestant, and well versed in controversy. Mr. Walsh, you are a sober young man (so indeed I was generally thought to be, though God knows I was drunk with enmity against him) and what pity it is that you do not read the holy scriptures? Why will you suffer yourself to be deceived by the Pope and his fraternity.”

Reasonings of this kind, which were occasionally made use of with him from time to time, together with hearing the scriptures frequently read in his brother’s school, put him at length upon a diligent consideration of both sides of the question. But as it generally happens in like cases, an attachment to old sentiments, the prejudices of education, shame, or fear of man, with a variety of other considerations, kept him for some time in strong suspense. His breast was moved with contrary, and therefore conflicting passions. He revolved in his mind, and rejected many a thought on the head, and again resumed and embraced them. Thus halting between two opinions, he complains of the “Corruption of his heart and prejudice of his education, which were as smoke upon his soul, so dimming his understanding that he could see nothing clearly.”

“I had (continues he) a custom of repeating frequently as I walked by the way, some prayers, or articles of faith which I had learned in my childhood. And walking one day in September, 1748, in a pleasant field, I was ruminating deeply on what my opponents urged against the doctrine of the church of Rome. I said in my heart—Perhaps all is not right. Peradventure I have been imposed upon. But then how shall I know? How can I be certainly assured whether the priest has led me in the right way?—Immediately it ♦occurred to my mind, that on God alone, I could safely venture my salvation, and that without doubt, he would lead me by his counsel, if I asked wisdom of him.”

“Then I cried unto the Lord God, and said—All things are known to thee, and thou seest that I want to worship thee aright. Shew me the way wherein I ought to go, nor suffer me to be deceived by men.”

The Lord who apprehended, and instructed Saul, when he enquired of him in astonishment, What wilt thou have me to do?¹ Attended to, and answered his prayer; which he did not cease then, to pour out before him. The Father of lights, and the giver of wisdom to all that ask it, did, according to the adorable methods of his working, instruct and determine his choice in this particular.

¹ Acts ix.

To this time and occasion may be referred what he has more than once told me, determined him with respect to the Popish doctrine of merit, and had much influence on his entirely renouncing the communion of that church: namely, the deep impression on his mind of those words of St. Paul, If righteousness come by the law, then Christ is dead in vain. This passage he assured me he had not remembered ever to have read, or heard; and that afterwards, when he met with it (Galatians ii. 21.) it was to him like life from the dead. Truly, O God, Thy word is a light, and by taking heed thereto, this young man’s way was cleansed.

Soon after this, he resolved to stand no longer in desponding hesitation, halting between two opinions. “Therefore, (says he) going to my brother and the other persons who used to converse with me on this head, and providentially meeting the two principal ones together, I determined now, once for all, either to convince, or be convinced by them; for I had an unfeigned desire to save my soul.”

“Proposing therefore my design, they desired me to bring a bible, and with it Nelson’s feasts, and fasts of the church of England. Accordingly, we began reading, and conversing, and continued together till midnight.” The result of which was, he now determined no longer to resist conviction. “I was (says he) constrained to give place to the light of truth. It was so convincing that I had nothing more to say. I at length confessed the weakness of my former reasonings, and the strength of those which were opposed to me!”

“About one o’clock in the morning I retired to my lodging, and according to my usual custom went to prayer: but now, only to the God of heaven, I no more prayed to any angel or spirit. For I am deeply persuaded that there is ♦but one God, and one Mediator between God and man, even the man Christ Jesus. Therefore I resolved no longer to suffer any man to beguile me in a voluntary humility, in worshiping either saints or angels.¹ These latter I considered as they are represented, Ministring spirits sent forth to minister for them who shall be heirs of salvation.² But with regard to any worship being paid to them, one of themselves said, See thou do it not, worship God.³ God only.

¹ Colossians ii. 18.

² Hebrews i. 14.

³ Revelation xix. 10.

“All my sophisms on this head were entirely overthrown by a few hours candid reading the holy scriptures, which now became as a lantern to my feet, and a lamp to my paths, directing me in the way wherein I should go. I could see no manner of authority either in the old Testament or the new for invocating any saint, or apostle whatsoever. God, the triune God, is, alone, the proper object of prayer, and of all divine worship.” He is likewise a jealous God (Exodus xx. 5.) and will not give his glory to another, before his glorious Majesty the hosts of heaven, angels and authorities, principalities and powers, thrones and dominions, vailing their faces, fall down in lowly prostrations, while they adore him (whom all should adore!) that sitteth upon the throne, and the Lamb, that liveth for ever ♦and ever.”

Not many days after, he fell into discourse with his father on the head, and informed him, that he was minded to forsake the church of Rome, being clearly convinced she was not that infallible, or pure church he once esteemed her, “but rather (to use his words) an harlot, who had committed spiritual and vile adultery. My father (adds he) was much provoked, and produced his strong reasons to overthrow all I had said. I dared not but listen to him, which I did with much attention. But the more he argued, the more was I confirmed in my former resolution.”

Being now fully satisfied, and deliberately determined, he resolved to omit no becoming method of testifying the same. And accordingly (having no temporal interest to serve thereby, as may be undeniably plain to every one) he, without farther delay, publickly and in form, renounced his former communion; abjured the errors of the church of Rome, and thence forward regularly attended the service of the church of England.

He was greatly delighted with the prayers. (As was, St. Austin at his first attendance, with the service of the Church in general. Confess., book 9, chapter 6. His heart melted with divine sweetness, and his eyes flowed down with tears of love.) A certain providence seemed to direct the very matter of the first sermon which he heard there. “The first text (says he) I heard preached on at church, was He that believeth and is baptized, shall be saved: but he that believeth not, shall be damned, (Mark xvi. 16.)

“Yet, alas! How little did I know of believing? Being taught, and accustomed to call by the name of faith, the peculiar principles of the church of Rome. But I have now learned a better lesson, and know that rightly to believe, is one of the greatest things in the world.”

“And now that I have left the church of Rome, I nevertheless declare that I think there are many sincere souls among them. For I bear them witness, that they have a zeal for God, tho’ not according to knowledge. Many of them have justice, mercy, and truth; and may (notwithstanding many errors in sentiment, and therefore in practice, thro’ invincible ignorance) since as is God’s majesty, so is his mercy, be dealt with accordingly.”

There have been doubtless, and still are among them, some burning and shining lights; persons who (whatever their particular sentiments may be) are devoted to the service of Jesus Christ, according as their light and opportunities admit. And in reality, whatever opinions people may hold, they are most approved of God, whose tempers and behaviour correspond most with the model of his holy word. This however, can be no justification of avowed unscriptural tenets, such, as has been often proved, are many of those of the church of Rome.

“It may be asked then, ‘Why did I leave their communion, since I thought so favourably of them:’ I answer, because I was abundantly convinced, that as a church, they have erred from the right way, and adulterated the truths of God with the inventions and traditions of men; which the scriptures, and even celebrated writers of themselves abundantly testify. God is my witness herein, that the sole motive which induced me to leave them, was an unfeigned desire to know the way of God more perfectly, in order to the salvation of my soul. For altho’ I then felt, and do yet feel my heart to be as the prophet speaks, deceitful, and desperately wicked with regard to God; yet I was sincere in my reformation, having from the holy Spirit an earnest desire to save my soul, and prepare to meet my God.

“If it should be still asked, ‘But could I not be saved, supposing I had never left the church of Rome?’ I answer, If I had never known the truth of the scriptures concerning the way of salvation, nor been convinced that their principles were anti-scriptural, then I think I might have been saved in her communion, the merciful God making allowance for my invincible ignorance. But now, since God hath enlightened my mind, and given me to see the truth as it is in Jesus, if I had still continued a member of the church of Rome, I could not have been saved.

“With regard to others, I say nothing. I know that every man must bear his own burden, and give an account of himself to God. To their own master, both they and I must stand or fall. But love however, and tender compassion for their souls, constrain me to pour out a prayer to God in their behalf.

“All souls are thine, O Lord God, and thou willest all to come to the knowledge of the truth and be saved. For this end thou did give thy only begotten Son, that whosoever believeth in him, might not perish, but have everlasting life. I beseech thee therefore O eternal God, shew thy tender mercies upon those poor souls who have been long deluded by the god of this world, the pope, and his clergy. Jesus, thou lover of souls and friend of sinners, send to them thy light, and truth, that they may lead them, and call those straying sheep, now perishing for lack of knowledge, to the light of thy word, which is able to make them wise to salvation through faith, which is in thee!”