Act I.

Oh dear, I’m having such an awful time!

What’s that?

Oh yes, you always say, “What’s that?” Oh dear!

Yes, here my knights would make a charge.

Oh dear, oh dear, oh dear, what can I do?

I’m sure I don’t know. What’s the matter dear?— These knights would steal up in the dark, and then—

And then they’d all be killed, I surely hope.

My dear, but what an odd remark to make.

Well, you’d say odd things, too, if you were me.

“If you were I ,” my dear, you should have said. You are so careless in these little things, I can’t imagine what your school was like.

I never went to school, I’ve told you that. A nice old wizard taught me everything.

Ah, yes, arithmetic, and things like that—

No, elementary magic! nothing dull Like spelling, writing, and arithmetic. We used to have a lesson every day: Transforming things, stones into little cakes With icing,—useful things like that we learned. (She turns back to her work.) Oh dear, I simply can not get this straight!

What is that you want to do my dear?

I’m copying the baby’s Christening list To give the steward—so he’ll know the names Of all the people that I’ve asked to come. And now I cannot read the names myself. I wrote them in a hurry. I don’t know Who is invited now—or who is not. The thing is in a simply awful mess, And now it’s getting late, and all the guests Will be there in a minute! Dear, oh dear!

The writing is a bit like beetle tracks—

Oh hurry, do, it’s really awfully late.

Let’s see whom you’ve asked first. What names are these?

Those are my cousins, you remember them, They gave us that enchanted silver bowl When we were married.

Yes, oh yes, of course. The Fairy of the Golden Isles—I see— The Fairy of the Silver Rivers, and The Fairy of the Crystal Mountains. Yes, I do remember them now, perfectly. Nice fairies, too. How stupid to forget. Who are all these?

They’re the more common guests Who’ll just come in for tea this afternoon, After our ceremonies all are through.

Ah, Cinderella and the Prince, I see. Bluebeard? (very angrily.) I don’t see why you asked that man!

His wife is my best friend.

She won’t be, long. Who’se this? Aladdin?

Yes, he’s visiting.

King Cole—I hope he comes. Perhaps he’ll stay And smoke a pipe after the rest have gone. (reading hurriedly.) Fairy of hum te-hum-te-hum te-hum, King of the hum te-hum te-hum te-hum, Queen hum-te-de, King tum te tum te tum, Te tum-te tum—King of the Pearly-gates. Prince of the Pomegranate Garden-tum-te-tum— My gracious, but you’ve surely asked a lot.

Yes, it’s the biggest party ever held In all the kingdoms. Baby should be proud. (She looks in the cradle.) That all this great big party’s just for her, Just for her Christening. Oh the sweetum’s thing. See—see—the duckie!

Shsh—don’t wake her up. (He looks at the list again.) What’s this name here that seems to be scratched out?

Why I don’t know, I’m sure. What can it be?

It looks like “Stable Calves”—it can’t be that, Now can it? That’s an awfully funny name It seems to me, for any fairy. Why, The “Fairy of the Stable Calves”—Oh no! I’m sure we don’t know anyone like that.

I know—it’s “Fairy of the Sable Caves”!

Gadzooks! Aunt Fairy of the Sable Caves!

I’m ’fraid I’ve done a simply dreadful thing! What shall I do! I wrote that name down last, And scribbled it so badly, that, well, that When I sent all my invitations off I couldn’t read her name, and so I thought That it was something that had been scratched out, And so, and so—

Odds-bodkins! zounds! gadzooks! Then do you mean she wasn’t asked at all?

Such language isn’t necessary dear.

Well, I forgot—I’m sorry—but my sweet,— You didn’t send her invitation off? Aunt Fairy of the Sable Caves left out! Zounds, she’ll be simply raving when she hears! Her temper’s worse than twenty bottles bees!

It’s just a social error, dear, that’s all. I’m awfully sorry—’cause she is your aunt, But then, to tell the truth, I never did, I never could have liked her, very much.

She surely has a frightful temper. Zounds! I wouldn’t have offended her for worlds! It’s just your carelessness again my dear. She may be very horrid over this. If you would only be more careful, pet.

Oh yes, I’ll try. I truly will. Oh dear!

I wonder if there’s anything to do. A note apologizing? It’s too late. Well, well. We’ll simply make the best of it.

Oh everything is just too horrible. I’d rather be a rabbit or a toad, Or anything alive (sob) except a queen.

There, there, my dear, there, there, now stop, you must. You’ll wake the baby. Stop! your eyes will be All red and puffy for the Christening. Get up and put your crown on straight, at once. And put some powder on your nose. Now come— Or else you know you’ll be a perfect sight.

I am one anyway, so I don’t care.

Get up I say. Now do be sensible.

Oh, great and glorious ruler of this realm, Oh fair and beauteous queen of all the land, A guest awaits, in thy reception hall, And rests her from her journey.

What’s the name?

“The Fairy of the Golden Isles,” oh king.

I haven’t even time to fix my hair (she fixes it). You should have told me it was getting late. (She dabs her face with a little powder puff.) My eyes look better now I think, don’t you?

There, that’s the last old tear—no one would know You’d ever cried in all your life. That’s fine!

Now, is my crown on straight?

Oh yes, it’s fine. How is my collar? Is it very mussed?

No, not a bit. (She looks in cradle.) The baby’s still asleep. Just see how sweet! (She sits down primly on the divan.) I think we’re ready now.

Give this unto the steward, boy. But first Announce the Fairy of the Golden Isles.

I’m sure I hope the banquet is all right.

Everything came except the pomegranates, And rainbow fish instead of golden carp! (Annoyed.)

Well, we can do without them, I suppose.

I hope those young spring peacocks won’t be tough, And that the Roc’s egg omelette isn’t flat.

Ouch—Ouch! (putting finger in mouth.)

Oh dear, whatever have you done?

I’ve pricked it like the very mischief, dear.

Pricked it—what on?

On something sharp, of course.

Oh I’m so sorry! Let me see it, do.

It’s bleeding! Ouch!

Here, do it up with this. (She winds it around his finger.) I wonder if that page has hidden tacks Beneath our cushions.

If he has—I’ll just—

Oh great and gracious king of all this realm.

Stop that—come here—no, nearer, on your knees. (The Page obeys, terrified.) Tell me the truth now sirrah—did you put Tacks underneath these cushions? If you did I’ll send you to my deepest dungeon dark Beneath the castle moat, and for a month, Feed you on bread and water. Now, the truth!

Oh no great ruler; no, I never did.

Then tell me what it was that pricked my hand.

Mayhap, oh king, you pricked your hand on this. (He holds up the little knight, and the King touches its spear gingerly.)

I guess that’s it. They’re spilled all over here. The spear is awfully sharp. Here, hide them quick. Pick that one up before the guests arrive. (He sweeps knights into his hand and gives them to the Page.)

Just stick them underneath the throne.

That’s right. What was it now, you were about to say.

Oh kind and gracious ruler of this land, Oh thrice fair beauteous and lovely queen, The Fairy of the Golden Isles is now Approaching, up the gold and marble stairs.

We will receive our cousin, with all joy.

I go, oh king, benign and bounteous.

I only hope the baby stays asleep. She’s apt to yell so awfully when she wakes.

The Fairy of the Golden Isles is come.

All welcome cousin, on this Christening day, All welcome for our daughter and ourselves.

All welcome cousin of the Golden Isles. Our hearts dance like the golden blooms of spring To see you here.

And mine rejoices, too. Sings, and is glad, like wind-kissed daisy fields. Sings, and is glad on this glad Christening day.

Now don’t you want to see our baby? Why! How well you’re looking! What a lovely dress!

Oh what a darling! Why you never said How awfully sweet she was.

She is quite sweet.

We seem to like her rather well, you know.

Well, I should think you would (to the Queen). She’s beautiful! I think she looks exactly like you, dear.

Oh no, she looks exactly like the king— Except the beard—of course. (Tweaks his beard.)

You flatter me.

Oh great and glorious ruler of this realm, Oh fair and beauteous queen of all the land, Oh radiant Fairy of the Golden Isles— The Fairy of the Crystal Mountains comes.

We will receive her here at once.

Yes—yes.

My dear, your baby simply is too sweet!

The Fairy of the Crystal Mountains, sire.

All welcome cousin, on this Christening day. All welcome for our daughter and ourselves.

Thou of the Crystal Mountains—welcome thrice. Our hearts dance like the crystal mists that waft About your mountain tops, to welcome you.

Mine dances too, like glad nymphs in the mists, Dances and sings on this glad Christening day. (Changing her manner, and getting up.) Now let me see the baby, I can’t wait! (All look in cradle.) Oh what a darling! Isn’t she too, too dear! She looks exactly like the King, I think.

I think she looks exactly like the Queen.

Oh great and glorious ruler of the realm, Oh fair and beauteous queen of all this land, Oh radiant Fairy of the Golden Isles, Fair Fairy of the Crystal Mountains, lo The Fairy of the Silver Rivers comes.

All welcome cousin, on this Christening day. All welcome for our daughter and ourselves.

All welcome—Fairy of the Silver Streams. Our hearts dance like glad ripples on thy waves To see thee here.

Mine dances, too, like sunlight on the waves, Dances and sings, on this glad Christening day.— And I have brought a gift to give thy babe.

And so have I—

And I—

I thought I’d wait Until the others came, so we could dance Our magic gift dance as we give our gifts.

Why, that’s a good idea—(looks in cradle.) How sweet she is! I don’t know which I think she looks like more.

Her mother.

No, her father.

Like you both. My, she’s the loveliest baby that I’ve seen.

I’m glad you like her. But I’d like to know Just where you got your dresses. Why, my dears, They’re wonderful! they’re simply exquisite!

We got them for to-day—we think they’re nice.

I hate to interrupt this pleasant chat. But all our other guests will be here soon.

And we must dance our dance and give our gifts. (Goes to cradle.) We’ll have to pull it out a little way, It’s much too close against the wall to dance.

Lo—this golden glowing toy Is the ball of mirth and joy, As a Christening gift I leave thee. Keep it, and no harm will grieve thee. (She puts it in the cradle and kisses the baby.)

Lo, this crystal globe, before Thy feet I lay. Deep wisdom’s lore Is hid therein—Long-bearded sages Have sought this secret of the ages. (She puts it in the cradle and kisses the baby.)

The mirror of beauty I give to thee, Thy face will greet thee happily, The fairest face in all the land—

I crave thy pardon sire, but I fear!

What is the matter boy? What is all this? What do you mean by interrupting us?

Another guest, a dreadful, cross, cross guest! Her eyes are flashing—oh she’s coming now.

What can it be?

Well, what’s the matter? Are you all struck dumb? I s’pose you don’t remember who I am, Or else perhaps you’re overcome with joy At seeing me. Oh close your foolish mouths. (They close their mouths sheepishly.) Well, since I’ve come, what have you got to say, Now for yourselves?

We’re awfully sorry—it—

Oh yes, of course, it was an oversight— You “wouldn’t mean to do it for the world”— I know those old excuses all by heart. It doesn’t change the matter—not a bit. You’re giving a tremendous Christening, And I, and I—you’ve simply “overlooked.” No, I was not invited—not a word! Left out! the Fairy of the Sable Caves! While these poor silly, frilly fairies here, (She points to three Fairies who shudder and cling together.) Are given posts of honor. Yes, that’s right. You’re scared, I’m glad, no one can slight me twice. You’ll all be sorry, good and sorry, too. Show me the baby.

There she is, in there.

That ugly baby! looks just like you both. (looking at the King’s hand.) What’s that old rag around your finger for?

I pricked it, badly.

Pricked it? Pricked it—humph!

We’re very sorry, it was all my fault.

It doesn’t matter now whose fault it was, You should have thought of that before.

Oh please!

Oh you will rue the day you slighted me—(She faces the audience, waving her arms and weaving a spell.) Oh evil spirits of the blackest night! Oh ghosts and goblins, ghouls and specters drear— Oh wraiths who haunt dim starlit country roads— Demons and trolls who dwell in dungeon moats— Come near⁠[5]—come near and weave a spell with me, Come near and make a Christening present drear, A Christening present for this sleeping child.

You shall not hurt my daughter! I forbid.

Back, back, or I will turn you into stone. (She compels him to step back.) Hark to the spell I lay upon this child: For sixteen years these silly spells shall last—(pointing to three fairies.) She shall be happy, wise, and beautiful— Dance in the sunlight—sing and laugh and play— And then—and then—draw near, ye elves of doom, Draw near ye spirits of my cave’s deep gloom, Upon a distaff sharp your child shall prick Her finger, till it bleeds; and pale and sick She’ll grow—(beckoning) imps from my cobweb tangled sky! Pale, wan, and ill and then your child will—

No—oh no—not that—have mercy—oh—I pray!

Good-bye, I hope you’ll have a pleasant day.

Stop crying now, there’s something I can do. Her power equals mine and so I can’t Destroy her evil charms entirely. But I can make them less, less, horrible. Give me your hands. (The three Fairies join hands over the cradle.) Now close your eyes and wish. Wish that the words I say will all come true. The Princess shall not die, she shall not die, But fall asleep instead, and sleep and sleep, Sleep for a hundred years, until at last, A prince shall break the spell by kissing her, And she shall wake again to life and joy.

Well, I can’t tell you how obliged I am, You’re too—too kind—I—well—I simply can’t.

We have no words, we feel, far, far too much. I don’t believe in evil spells at all, Only in good ones, never bad ones. (To King) But I’ll never have a distaff in this house.

We’ll be on the safe side. Ho page—attend! (The Page hurriedly comes before him.) Proclaim to all my people in the land, That from this time no distaff may be brought Within my castle walls, on pain of death. And he who disobeys me—dies at once.

I go—oh sire! (He goes out.)

Oh, I simply can’t Go on and have the party after this.

You must, now pull yourself together, dear, And make it a success; smile, grit your teeth!

Don’t look so sad my dears, it’s over now, We’ll all forget it for the afternoon.

Oh great and glorious rulers of this realm, The Christening guests await thee, all without.

Then let us go to them. Come on, my dear.

We’ll take the princess then. Come sweetums, come, Come to your Christening, sweet. Come, everyone. (The Page lifts up the cradle, as he does so the Queen turns to the Fairies.) Forget that wicked charm, it mustn’t spoil Our lovely Christening party, and besides, All evil spells are nonsense; so my dears, We’ll simply never think of it again.