Volume 1 — FROM THE LIPS OF ANANIAS.

A Collection of Gems that Would Have Made the Late Baron Munchausen Get Up and Leave the Room in Despair.

A LION'S GRATITUDE.

John Burroughs, the naturalist, was laughing about the story, widely published not long since, of a wild duck that got a salt-water mussel caught on its tongue and had intelligence enough to fly from the salt to the fresh water, where it dipped the mussel, sickening it through osmosis, and thus causing it to loosen its firm grip.

"I believe that story of the duck that understood the theory of osmosis," said Mr. Burroughs. "I believe it as implicitly as I believe the story of the crippled lion and the young lieutenant.

"A young lieutenant, during an African campaign, came one day upon a badly crippled lion. The great brute limped over the tawny sand on three paws, holding its fourth paw in the air. And every now and then, with a kind of groan, it would pause and lick the injured paw piteously.

"When the lion saw the young lieutenant it came slowly toward him. He stood his ground, rifle in hand. But the beast meant no harm. It drew close to him; it rubbed against him with soft feline purrs; it extended its hurt paw.

"The lieutenant examined the paw and found that there was a large thorn in it. He extracted the thorn, the lion roaring with pain, and he bound up the wound with his handkerchief. Then, with every manifestation of relief and gratitude, the animal withdrew.

"But it remembered its benefactor. It was grateful. And in a practical way it rewarded the young man.

"This lion ran over the regiment's list of officers, and ate all who were the lieutenant's superiors in rank. Thus, in a few weeks the young man, thanks to the astute animal, became a colonel."—Chicago Inter-Ocean.

THE KANSAS BRAND.

News comes from southern Kansas that a boy climbed a cornstalk to see how the sky and clouds looked and that now the stalk is growing faster than the boy can climb down.

The boy is clear out of sight.

Three men have taken a contract for cutting down the stalk with axes to save the boy a horrible death by starving, but the stalk grows so rapidly that they can't hit twice in the same place. The boy is living on green corn alone and has already thrown down over four bushels of cobs.

Even if the corn holds out there is still danger that the boy will reach a height where he will be frozen to death. There is some talk of attempting his rescue with a balloon.—Topeka Capital.

A REMINISCENCE.

"It has been so wet for the last three or four years," remarked Truthful James, "that a good many people have forgot how dry it used to be.

"I remember one year when the Missouri River was dusty all the way down from Kansas City to the Mississippi. Of course the river was running all the while, but the water in it got so dry that it turned to dust and blew away. I took a boat down the river at that time, but it was so dusty on the boat that you couldn't see the hind end of it when you was standing on the front end. It was a little the worst I ever see. My mouth got so much grit and dust in it that I could strike a match on the roof of it any time.

"One day the boat got stuck in fifteen feet of Missouri River water. It was so dry and dusty that the wheel couldn't turn. What did we do? Well, sir, we went out and hired a farmer to haul fresh well water for fifteen miles to mix with the river water until it was thin enough to run the boat through."—Kansas City Journal.

TO "FOOL" HIS COWS.

Frank Leidgen, who lives northeast of town, came in one day this week in search of green eye-glasses for his cattle. Of course our men who deal in glasses were forced to give it up as a hard proposition. When asked why he wanted his cattle to wear them, Leidgen replied:

"When in the pasture the green glasses will make the grass look green and the cattle will think it is spring and the pasture green."

It is true that it had not rained in this part of Oklahoma for some time, and the grass is very dry. We have patents on everything we can think of but patent eye-glasses for cows.

Can't some one accommodate the gentleman?—Frederick (Oklahoma) Free Press.

SQUIRREL BECAME WOOD.

The following story is given us by a gentleman whose veracity we would not doubt:

About six years ago in the fall a hunter shot a squirrel, which lodged between two small twigs, the size of a lead pencil. This being near the man's house, he watched the squirrel each week.

The first spring the twigs grew, and the squirrel remained in the position it lodged.

The second year the twigs, which had grown to be the size of a man's fingers, died; so did the limb die.

The third year no change, but during the fourth year the tail of the squirrel dropped off, and the man noticed no change the fifth, but the sixth year he secured the limb and squirrel and found, to his surprise, that the squirrel had become a white oak bump.

Under the microscope could be seen the hairs in the wood. The places for the eyes and ears were perfect, and where the chin and forelegs had touched the twig it grew to them. The legs were intact, but the feet had disappeared. The body of the squirrel had grown to be about four inches in diameter.

What puzzled the gentleman who gave us this is, through what process could the dead animal become wood? As proof of the story, we can furnish the name of the man who has the "freak of nature" in his possession, and who watched it from the time it first lodged.—Smith's Grove (Kentucky) Times.

THE REAL WASHINGTON.

By Max Adeler.

"You say," I remarked to the old negro who drove the hack, "that you were General Washington's body-servant?"

"Dat's so! Dat's jes so, mossa. I done waited on Washington sence he was so high—no bigger 'n a small chile."

"You know the story then about the cherry-tree and the hatchet?"

"Know it? Why, I was dar on de spot. I seen Mossa Gawge climbe de tree atter de cherries, and I seen him fling de hatchet at de boys who was a stonin' him. I done chase dem boys off de place meself."

"Do you remember his appearance as a man? What he looked like?"

"Yes, indeedy. He was a kinder short, chunky man; sorter fat and hearty-lookin'. He had chin whiskers and mustache and spectacles. Mos' generally he wore a high hat; but I'se seed him in a fur cap wid ear-warmers!"

"You were not with him, of course, when he crossed the Delaware—when he went across the Delaware River?"

"Wid him? Yes, sah; I was right dar. I was not more'n two feet off'n him as he druv across de bridge in his buggy! Dat's a fac'. I walked 'longside de off hind wheel ob dat buggy all de way."

"You saw him then when he fought the British at Trenton?"

"Sho's you're born I did! I held Mossa Gawge's coat an' hat while he fought the British at dat werry place. Mossa Gawge clinched him and den dey rassled and rassled, and at first he frew Mossa Gawge, and den Mossa Gawge flung him, and set on him and done hammered him till he cried 'nuff! Mossa Gawge won dat fight. I seed him wid me own eyes! An' I come home wid him in de kyars!"

"You weren't with him, though, when he shot the apple off the boy's head?"

"Who wa'n't wid him? I wa'n't? I was de only pusson dar 'ceptin' one white man. I loaded Mossa Gawge's revolver and han'ed it to him, and picked up de apple an' et it soon as he'd knocked it off. Nobody can't tell dish yer old niggah nuffin' 'bout dat circumstance."

"You knew all of the general's relations, too, I suppose? Martin Luther, and Peter the Hermit, and the rest?"

"Knowed um all. Many and many's de time I done waited on de table when Mossa Gawge had um to dinner. I remember dem two gemmen jes' 's well 's if I'd a seen um yesterday. Yes, sah; an' I druv 'em out often!"

"I've frequently seen pictures of Washington in which he is represented sitting upon a white horse. Did he really ride a white horse, or don't you recall the color of his horse?"

"Why, bress your soul; 'call de color ob de hoss—'call de color ob it? Do you see dish yer nigh hoss dat I'm a drivin' now, right yer? Well, dat's de werry hoss Mossa Gawge used to ride. He lef it to me in his will!"

Just then we reached the station, and I dismounted from the hack and paid Washington's body-servant for his service. No doubt a longer conversation with him would have revealed other new and startling facts relating to the Father of His Country.