THE APRIL GOWK;

Ye worthy friends of April Gowk, That like a bit o' spree, Pray lay your jargon a' aside, And listen unto me; For love's intrigues disturb the wigs Of most o' men on earth; And so, of late, it caught the pate Of pious Parson Garth. This worthy man went soon to bed, Upon the last o' March, And what his mind was running on, 'Tis needless now to search; His rib asleep, down stairs he'd creep— When lo! to his surprise, A pair of boots, below the seat, Stood right before his eyes. He went to rouse his darling spouse, And said, "You plainly see There's some one here that wants to make An April Gowk o' me. Oh! dress yoursel', do take the bell, Your petticoat put on: They're now in quod—I hope to God It's not my brother John." He took a stick, and follow'd quick Unto the lasses' room: Come out! says she; Come out! says he, The Kitty is your doom! While on the bell she did play knell, Poor Johnny, pale, came forth, All in dismay, like potters' clay, Stood pious Parson Garth! A Chamber Council there was held, All in this naked plight; The dire alarm had brought a swarm O' guardians o' the night: In vain they strove to gain his love, His wrath for to appease, He swore he'd have their boxes search'd, And cried—Produce the keys! They nothing found that he could own— His heart more callous grew, He tore their caps, destroy'd their hats— Them on the floor he threw: Like pilgrims setting out, unshod, To prison they were sent, To dread their penance, like the sweep, Until they should repent. To free the girls from guilt and shame, And have the matter clear'd, Those sweetly serenading "Two- Foot Carpenters"[49] appear'd. Tho' Willy cannot get his boots, For them he does not care— They won the day!—"none but the brave Deserve to win the fair." Should you not know this worthy man— A man of steady gait, A pensive look affects as tho' He'd something in his pate: Ambition and presumption too In him have taken birth, And fix'd a stigma on his name— "The Hydra of the Garth!"