Volume 1 / Act 2 — SCENE II.—A Hall in Sir Giles's house.

Enter Sir Giles Overreach, Greedy and Marall.

Sir G. Spare for no cost, let my dressers crack with the weight Of curious viands. Greedy. Store indeed's no sore, sir. Sir G. That proverb fits your stomach, Mr. Greedy. Greedy. It does indeed, Sir Giles. I do not like to see a table ill spread, Poor, meager, just sprinkled o'er with salads, Slic'd beef, giblets, and pigs' pettitoes. But the substantials—Oh! Sir Giles the substantials! The state of a fat Turkey now, The decorum, the grandeur he marches in with. Then his sauce, with oranges and onions, O, I declare, I do much honour a chine of beef! O lord! I do reverence a loin of veal! Sir G. You shall have your will, Mr. Greedy. And let no plate be seen, but what's pure gold, Or such, whose workmanship exceeds the matter That it is made of; let my choicest linen Perfume the room; and when we wash, the water With precious powders mix, to please my lord, That he may with envy wish to bathe so ever. Mar. 'Twill be very chargeable. Sir G. Avaunt, you drudge! Now all my labour'd ends are at the stake, Is't time to think of thrift? Call in my daughter. Exit Marall. And, master of justice, since you love choice dishes, And plenty of 'em—— Greedy. As I do indeed, sir. Almost as much as to give thanks for 'em— Sir G. I do confer that province, with my power Of absolute command, to have abundance, To your best care. Greedy. I'll punctually discharge it, And give the best direction. [Sir Giles retires.]—Now am I, In mine own conceit, a monarch, at the least, Arch president of the boil'd, the roast, the baked; I would not change my empire for the great Mogul's, Mercy on me, how I lack food! my belly Is grown together like an empty satchell. What an excellent thing did Heaven bestow on man, When she did give him a good stomach! It is of all blessings much the greatest. I will eat often and give thanks When my belly's brac'd up like a drum, and that's pure justice. Exit. Sir G. It must be so. Should the foolish girl prove modest, She may spoil all; she had it not from me, But from her mother: I was ever forward, As she must be, and therefore I'll prepare her. Margaret! Enter Margaret. Marg. Your pleasure, sir? Sir G. Ha! this is a neat dressing! These orient pearls, and diamonds well plac'd too! The gown affects me not; it should have been Embroider'd o'er and o'er with flowers of gold; But these rich jewels and quaint fashion help it. How like you your new woman, the Lady Downfall'n! Marg. Well for a companion: Not as a servant. Sir G. Is she humble, Meg? And careful too, her ladyship forgotten? Marg. I pity her fortune. Sir G. Pity her! trample on her. I took her up in an old tatter'd gown (E'en starv'd for want of food), to serve thee; And if I understand she but repines To do thee any duty, though ne'er so servile, I'll pack her to her knight, where I have lodg'd him, In the country, and there let them howl together. Marg. You know your own ways; but for me, I blush When I command her that was once attended With persons not inferior to myself In birth. Sir G. In birth! Why, art thou not my daughter, The blest child of my industry and wealth? Why, foolish girl, was't not to make thee great, That I have run, and still pursue those ways That hale down curses on me, which I mind not? Part with these humble thoughts, and apt thyself To the noble state I labour to advance thee; Or, by my hopes to see thee honourable, I will adopt a stranger to my heir, And throw thee from my care; do not provoke me. Marg. I will not, sir; mould me which way you please. Enter Greedy. Sir G. How! interrupted? Greedy. 'Tis matter of importance. The cook, sir, is self-will'd, and will not learn From my experience. There's a fawn brought in, sir, And for my life, I cannot make him roast it With a Norfolk dumpling in the belly of it: And, sir, we wise men know, without the dumpling 'Tis not worth three pence. Sir G. 'Would it were whole in thy belly, To stuff it out; cook it any way—pr'ythee, leave me. Greedy. Without order for the dumpling? Sir. G. Let it be dumpled Which way thou wilt: or, tell him I will scald him In his own cauldron. Greedy. I had lost my stomach, Had I lost my mistress's dumpling; I'll give ye thanks for't. Exit. Sir G. But to our business, Meg; you have heard who dines here? Marg. I have, sir. Sir G. 'Tis an honourable man. A lord, Meg, and commands a regiment Of soldiers; and what's rare, is one himself; A bold and understanding one; and to be A lord, and a good leader in one volume, Is granted unto few, but such as rise up, The kingdom's glory. Enter Greedy. Greedy. I'll resign my office, If I be not better obey'd. Sir G. 'Slight, art thou frantic? Greedy. Frantic! 'twould make me frantic and stark mad, Were I not a justice of peace and quorum too, Which this rebellious cook cares not a straw for. There are a dozen of woodcocks, For which he has found out A new device for sauce, and will not dish 'em With toast and butter. Sir G. Cook, rogue, obey him. I have given the word, pray you, now, remove yourself To a collar of brawn, and trouble me no farther. Greedy. I will; and meditate what to eat at dinner, For my guts have been in the kitchen this half hour. [Exit. Sir G. And, as I said, Meg, when this gull disturb'd us, This honourable lord, this colonel, I would have thy husband. Marg. There's too much disparity Between his quality and mine, to hope it. Sir G. I more than hope it, and doubt not to effect it. Be thou no enemy to thyself; my wealth Shall weigh his titles down, and make you equals. Now for the means to assure him thine, observe me; Remember he's a courtier, and a soldier, And not to be trifled with; and therefore, when He comes to woo you, see you do not coy it. This mincing modesty hath spoil'd many a match By a first refusal, in vain after hop't for. Marg. You'll have me, sir, preserve the distance that Confines a virgin? Sir G. Virgin me no virgins. I will have you lose that name, or you lose me; I will have you private; start not, I say, private. Marg. Though you can dispense With your honour, I must guard my own. This is not the way to make me his wife. My modest breeding yielded up so soon, Cannot but assure him, I, that am light to him, will not hold weight When tempted by others: so in judgment, When to his will I have given up my honour, He must, and will, forsake me. Sir G. How! forsake thee? Do I wear a sword for fashion? or is this arm Shrunk up, or wither'd? Does there live a man Of that large list I have encounter'd with, Can truly say I e'er gave inch of ground, Not purchas'd with his blood that did oppose me? Forsake thee when the thing is done! he dares not. Though all his captains, echoes to his will, Stood arm'd by his side, to justify the wrong, Spite of his lordship, I will make him render A bloody and a strict account; and force him, By marrying thee, to cure thy wounded honour; I have said it. Enter Marall. Mar. Sir, the man of honour's come, Newly alighted. Sir G. In, without reply, And do as I command, or thou art lost. Exit Margaret. Is the loud music, I gave order for, Ready to receive him? Mar. 'Tis, sir. Sir G. Let 'em sound A princely welcome. [Exit Marall.) Roughness awhile leave me; For fawning now, a stranger to my nature, Must make way for me. Enter Lovell, Allworth, Marall, and Greedy. Lov. Sir, you meet your trouble. Sir G. What you are pleased to style so is an honour Above my worth and fortunes. Allw. Strange! so humble. Sir G. A justice of peace, my lord. [Presents Greedy to him. Lov. Your hand, good sir. Greedy. This is a lord; and some think this is a favour; But I had rather have my hand in my dumpling. [Aside. Sir G. Room for my lord. Lov. I miss, sir, your fair daughter, To crown my welcome. Sir G. May it please my lord To taste a glass of Greek wine first; and suddenly She shall attend my lord. Lov. You'll be obey'd, sir. [Exeunt all but Sir Giles. Sir G. 'Tis to my wish; as soon as come, ask for her! Why, Meg! Meg Overreach! Enter Margaret. How! Tears in your eyes? Hah! dry 'em quickly, or I'll dig 'em out. Is this a time to whimper? Meet that greatness That flies into thy bosom; think what tis For me to say, my honourable daughter: No more but be instructed, or expect— He comes. Enter Lovell and Greedy. A black-brow'd girl, my lord. Lov. As I live, a rare one! Sir G. That kiss Came twanging off, I like it: quit the room. Exit Greedy. A little bashful, my good lord: but you, I hope, will teach her boldness. Lov. I am happy In such a scholar: but—— Sir G. I am past learning, And therefore leave you to yourselves: remember— Exit Sir Giles. Lov. You see, fair lady, your father is solicitous To have you change the barren name of virgin Into a hopeful wife. Marg. His haste, my lord, Holds no power o'er my will. Lov. But o'er your duty—— Marg. Which forc'd too much may break. Lov. Bend rather, sweetest: Think of your years. Marg. Too few to match with yours: Lov. Do you think I am old? Marg. I am sure, I am too young. Lov. I can advance you. Marg. To a hill of sorrow; Where every hour I may expect to fall, But never hope firm footing. You are noble; I of low descent, however rich. O my good lord, I could say more, but that I dare not trust these walls. Lov. 'Pray you, trust my ear, then. Enter Sir Giles Overreach, listening. Sir G. Close at it! whispering! this is excellent! And, by their postures, a consent on both parts. Enter Greedy. Greedy. Sir Giles! Sir Giles! Sir G. The great fiend stop that clapper! Greedy. It must ring out, sir, when my belly rings noon. The bak'd meats are ran out, the roast turn'd powder. Sir G. Stop your insatiate jaws, or I shall powder you. Greedy. Beat me to dust, I care not; In such a cause as this I'll die martyr. Sir G. Disturb my lord, when he is in discourse? Greedy. Is't a time to talk When we should have been munching? Sir G. Peace, villain! peace! shall we break a bargain Almost made up? Vanish I say. Thrusts Greedy off. Lov. Lady, I understand you: Overreach. Rest most happy in your choice. Believe it, I'll be a careful pilot to direct Your yet uncertain bark to a port of safety. Marg. So shall your honour save two lives, and bind us Your slaves forever. Lov. I am in the act rewarded, Since it is good; howe'er you must put on An amorous carriage towards me, to delude Your subtle father. Marg. I am bound to that. Lov. Now break off our conference,—Sir Giles Where is Sir Giles?

Enter Sir Giles Overreach, Greedy, Allworth, and Marall.

Sir G. My noble lord; and how Does your lordship find her? Lov. Apt, Sir Giles, and coming, And I like her the better. Sir G. So do I too. Lov. Yet, should we take forts at the first assault, 'Twere poor in the defendant. I must confirm her? With a love-letter or two, which I must have Deliver'd by my page, and you give way to't. Sir G. With all my soul.—A towardly gentleman! Your hand, good Mr. Allworth; know my house Is ever open to you. Allw. 'Twas still shut till now. [Aside. Sir G. Well done, well done, my honourable daughter, Thou'rt so already: know this gentle youth, And cherish him, my honourable daughter. Sir G. What noise? Greedy. More stops Before we go to dinner! O my guts! Enter Lady Allworth and Wellborn. Lady. A. If I find welcome, You share in it; if not, I'll back again, Now I know your ends! for I come arm'd for all Can be objected. Lov. How! the Lady Allworth? Sir G. And thus attended! Mar. No, I am a dolt; the spirit of lies had entered me! Lovell salutes Lady Allworth, who salutes Margaret. Sir G. Peace, patch, 'Tis more than wonder, an astonishment That does possess me wholly. Lov. Noble Lady, This is a favour to prevent my visit, The service of my life can never equal. Lady A. My lord, I laid wait for you, and much hop'd You would have made my poor house your first inn: And therefore, doubting that you might forget me, Or too long dwell here, having such ample cause, In this unequal beauty, for your stay; And fearing to trust any but myself With the relation of my service to you, I borrow'd so much from my long restraint, And took the air in person to invite you. Lov. Your bounties are so great, they rob me, madam, Of words to give you thanks. Lady A. Good Sir Giles Overreach! [Salutes him. How dost thou, Marall? Lik'd you my meat so ill, You'll dine no more with me? Greedy. I will when you please, And it like your ladyship. Lady A. When you please, Mr. Greedy; If meat can do it, you shall be satisfied; And now, my lord, pray take into your knowledge This gentleman; howe'er his outside's coarse, Presents Wellborn. His inward linings are as fine and fair As any man's. Wonder not I speak at large: And howsoe'er his humour carries him To be thus accoutr'd; or what taint soe'er, For his wild life has stuck upon his fame; He may, ere long, with boldness rank himself With some that have condemn'd him. Sir Giles Overreach, If I am Welcome, bid him so. Sir G. My nephew! He hath been too long a stranger: 'faith you have. Pray let it be mended. [Lovell conferring with Wellborn. Mar. Why, sir, what do you mean? This is rogue Wellborn, monster, prodigy, That should hang or drown himself, no man of worship, Much less your nephew. Sir G. Well, sirrah, we shall reckon For this hereafter. Mar. I'll not lose my jeer, Though I be beaten dead for it. Wellb. Let my silence plead In my excuse, my lord, till better leisure Offer itself, to hear a full relation Of my poor fortunes. Lov. I would hear and help them. [Bell rings. Sir G. Your dinner waits you. Lov. 'Pray you, lead, we follow. Lady A. Nay, you are my guest? Come, dear Mr. Wellborn. [Exeunt all but Greedy. Greedy. Dear Mr. Wellborn! so she said; Heav'n! aven! If my belly would give me leave, I could ruminate All day on this: I have granted twenty warrants To have him committed, from all prisons in the shire, To Nottingham jail! and now, dear Mr. Wellborn! And my good nephew!—But I play the fool To stand here prating, and forget my dinner. Enter Marall. Are they set, Marall? Mar. Long since; pray you a word, sir. Greedy. No wording now. Mar. In troth, I must: my master, Knowing you are his good friend, makes bold with you, And does entreat you, more guests being come in Than he expected, especially his nephew, The table being too full, you would excuse him, And sup with him on the cold meat. Greedy. How! no dinner After all my care? Mar. 'Tis but a penance for A meal; besides, you have broke your fast. Greedy. That was But a bit to stay my stomach. A man in commission Give place to a tatterdemallion! Mar. No big words, sir. Should his worship hear you—— Greedy. Loose my dumpling too; And butter'd toasts and woodcocks? Mar. Come, have patience, If you will dispense a little with your justiceship, And sit with the waiting woman, you'll have dumpling, Woodcock, and butter'd toasts too. Greedy. This revives me: I will gorge there sufficiently.

Enter Sir Giles Overreach, as from dinner.

Sir G. She's caught! O woman! she neglect my lord, And all her compliments apply to Wellborn! The garment of her widowhood laid by, She now appears as glorious as the spring. Her eyes fix'd on him; in the wine she drinks, He being her pledge, she sends him burning kisses, She leaves my meat to feed upon his looks; And, if in our discourse he be but nam'd, From her a deep sigh follows. But why grieve I At this? It makes for me; if she prove his, All that is hers, is mine, as I will work him. Enter Marall. Mar. Sir, the whole board is troubled at your rising. Sir G. No matter, I'll excuse it; pr'ythee, Marall, watch an occasion to invite my nephew To speak with me in private. Mar. Who, the rogue, The lady scorn'd to look on? Sir G. Hold your peace! My good lord, Excuse my manners.

Enter Lovell, Margaret, and Allworth.

Lov. There needs none, Sir Giles; I may ere long say father, when it please My dearest mistress to give warrant to it. Sir G. She shall seal to it my lord, and make me happy. Marg. My lady— Enter Wellborn and Lady Allworth. Lady A. My thanks, Sir Giles, for my entertainment. Sir G. 'Tis your nobleness To think it such. Lady A. I must do you a farther wrong, In taking away your honourable guest. Lov. I wait on you, madam: farewell good Sir Giles. Lady A. Nay, come, Mr. Wellborn, I must not leave you behind, in sooth, I must not. Sir G. Rob me not, madam, of all joys at once. Let my nephew stay behind: he shall have my coach, And, after some small conference between us, Soon overtake your ladyship. Lady A. Stay not long, sir. Lov. You shall every day hear from me, By my faithful page. [To Margaret. Allw.'Tis a service I am proud of.

[Exeunt Lovell, Lady Allworth, Allworth, and Marall.

Sir G. Daughter, to your chamber. [Exit Margaret. You may wonder, nephew, After so long an enmity between us, I shall desire your friendship. Wellb. So I do, sir: Tis strange to me. Sir G. But I'll make it no wonder; And, what is more, unfold my nature to you. We worldly men, when we see friends and kinsmen, Past hope, sunk in their fortunes, lend no hand To lift 'em up, but rather set our feet Upon their heads, to press 'em to the bottom; As I must yield, with you I practis'd it: But now I see you in a way to rise, I can and will, assist you. This rich lady (And I am glad of't) is enamour'd of you. Wellb. No such thing: Compassion, rather, sir. Sir G. Well, in a word, Because your stay is short, I'll have you seen No more in this base shape; nor shall she say, She married you like a beggar, or in debt. Wellb. He'll run into the noose, and save my labour! [Aside. Sir G. You have a trunk of rich clothes, not far hence, In pawn; I will redeem 'em: and, that no clamour May taint your credit for your debts, You shall have a thousand pounds to cut 'em off, And go a freeman to the wealthy lady. Wellb. This done, sir, out of love, and no ends else— Sir G. As it is, nephew. Wellb. Binds me still your servant. Sir G. No compliments; you are staid for: ere you've supp'd, You shall hear from me. My coach, knaves! for my nephew: Tomorrow I will visit you. Wellb. Here's an uncle In a man's extremes? how much they do belie you, That say you are hard hearted! Sir G. My deeds, nephew, Shall speak my love; what men report, I weigh not.

[Exeunt.