THE GATHERER.
Reading edition
A snapper up of unconsidered trifles. SHAKSPEARE.
JACK SHEPPARD.
When this notorious felon was under sentence of death, the Right Hon. Charles Wolfran Cornwall, then Speaker of the House of Commons, was strongly solicited to apply to his majesty for a pardon, as he was related to him. "No," said Mr. Cornwall, "I should deserve public censure if I attempted to contribute to the prolongation of the life of a man who has so frequently been a nuisance to society, and has given so many proofs that kindness to him would be cruelty to others. Were my own son to offend one-tenth part so often as he has done, I should think it my duty rather to solicit his punishment than his pardon."
C.C.
EPITAPH
On S—— E——, an intelligent and amiable boy, who was unfortunately drowned while bathing.
Though gentle as a dove, his soul sublime, For heav'n impatient, would not wait for time; Ere youth had bloom'd his virtues ripe were seen, A man in intellect! a child in mien! A hallow'd wave from mercy's fount was pour'd, And, wash'd from clay, to bliss his spirit soar'd.
A HOLY HERMIT.
A hermit, named Parnhe, being upon the road to meet his bishop who had sent for him, met a lady most magnificently dressed, whose incomparable beauty drew the eyes of every body on her. The saint having looked at her, and being himself struck with astonishment, immediately burst into tears. Those who were with him wondering to see him weep, demanded the cause of his grief. "I have two reasons," replied he, "for my tears; I weep to think how fatal an impression that woman makes on all who behold her; and I am touched with sorrow when I reflect that I, for my salvation, and to please God, have never taken one-tenth part of the pains which this woman has taken to please men alone."
BUNGLING TRANSLATION.
At a country village in Yorkshire, was an old established cobbler, who cracked his joke, loved his pipe and lived happy. In short, he was a sober and industrious man. His quiet, however, was disturbed by an unexpected opposition in his trade, at the same village, and to add to his misfortune, the new comer established himself directly opposite to the old cobbler's stall, and at the same time to show his learning and probity, painted in large letters over his door, "Mens conscia recti." To conceive the meaning of this, the poor cobbler laboured night and day, but unsuccessfully; he at last determined that this "consciarecti" was a new sort of shoe made for men's use; he therefore painted over his door, "Men's and Women's consciarecti," where it remains still.
A schoolboy reading Cassar's "Commentaries" came to translate the following passage thus: "Caesar venit in Gallia summa diligentia." "Caesar came into Gaul on the top of the Diligence."
O.O.
VERY BAD.
A wag, who "will be the death of us," says he bought a cake the other evening:—"It is thundering weight," observed the baker: "I hope it will not lighten before I get it home," was the equivocal reply.
Q.
IMPROMPTU
On hearing a Watchman cry the hour on Tuesday morning, September 29, the last of his duty.
"Farewell! mine occupation's gone," He sung in "half-past five;" Here ends his call, his beat is done, How then can he survive.
TOM.
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