Chapter XLVI · A MOURNFUL PROCESSION.

I was sitting before my comfortable library fire in midwinter, 1854, and had been reflecting upon the mutability of human affairs generally, and the uncertainty of Shanghae-ism more particularly, when I finally dropped into a gentle slumber in my easy-chair, where I dozed away an hour, and dreamed.

My thoughts took a very curious turn. I fancied myself sitting before a large window that opened into a broad public street, in which I suddenly discovered a multitude of people moving actively about; and I thought it was some gala-day in the city, for the throng appeared to be excited and anxious. "The people" were evidently abroad; and the crowds finally packed themselves along the sidewalks, leaving the wide street open and clear; and I could overhear the words "They're coming!" "Here they are!"

I looked out, and beheld an immense gathering of human beings approaching in a line that stretched away as far as the eye could reach,—a dense mass of moving mortality, that soon arrived, and passed the window, beneath me. I was alone in the room, and could ask no questions. I could only see what occurred before me; and I noted down, as they passed by, this motley procession, which moved in the following

Order of March.

Escort of Indescribables.

Hatless Aid. [ Chief Marshal in Black. ] Bootless Aid.

Police. Two Ex-Mormons in White Tunics. Police.

Calathumpian Band.

Whig Office-holders. { The "Know Nothing Guards," with guns enough for all useful purposes. } Democrat Expectants.

The "Ins." [ Collector and Postmaster. ] The "Outs."

U.S. Marshal. { The "National" Democracy, two deep, in one section. } U.S. Dist. Att'y.

Banner. Motto—"We know of Burns that Russia Salve can't cure."

"Aids to the Revenue." [ Marshal. ] Drawbacks on the Revenue.

Kaleb Krushing. [ The Man who Fainted in Mexico. ] Jorge ah! Poll.

"Fanny Fern," Flanked by a company of disappointed Publishers, twenty-four deep, in twelve sections.

Banner. Motto.—"She's a brick!"

Aids. [ Marshal. ] Aids.

President of the "N.E. Mutual Admiration" Hen Society.

Fat Marshal. [ The Great Show Man. ] Lean Marshal.

Band, playing the "Rogue's March."

Marshal. Ghost of Joice Heth. Marshal.

Aids, of Quaking Shakers. { A Fejee Mermaid, astride the Woolly Horse. } Aids, The Happy Family.

Aids, Their readers { Invited Guests. The Three Historians, Burnham, Prescot, and Bancraft. } and "admirers."

Escort in the rear, with charged bayonets.

Police. { A genuine "Cochin-China" Rooster, succeeded by the man who knew him to be such! } Police.

Marshal. Pea Wilder. { The entire United States American National Agricultural Society, in a one-horse buggy. } Marshal. w. ESS king.

[The good this association had accomplished was borne along by a stout "practical farmer," in a small thimble; the records of its doings were inscribed on a huge roll of paper, 16,000 yards long, carried upon a truck drawn by twelve yoke of "pure" Devon oxen.]

Banner.—Motto: "Ourselves and those who vote for us."

Aid, Naval Store Keeper. { An ex-U.S. Navy Agent who left that office without having made money out of his place! Banner.—Motto: "Poor, but honest." } Aid, U.S. Sub-Treasurer.

One hundred and twenty-five Marshals. { The Mass. Hort. Improvement Society, en masse, with several full bands of music, on "seedling" accompaniments, etc. Banner. Motto: "Cuss the Concord Grape." } Twenty-five hundred and one gold-medal seekers.

No Aids. { The man who voluntarily gave up his office under the National government, solus, on horseback, with Banner.—Motto: "Few die, and none resign." } No friends.

The defunct New England Hen Society. { "The Young 'Un," in his own barouche, drawn by four "superb dapple-grey Shanghaes." } His vanquished Competitors.

Banner.—Motto: "Who's afraid?" } Music. { Banner.—Motto: "Not this child!"

Police. { Hen Men who had Mistaken their Calling, twenty-eight deep, in four hundred sections. } Police.

Aids, 24 Constables. { Grain Men, with their bills, in seventy sections, sixty-four deep. } Aids, All in a row.

Band, playing "Hope told a flattering tale."

Tree-venders and Horticulturists, { The great-grandson of the man who set out an orchard of dwarf Pear-trees (in a barouche). He was 102 years old, and believed he should see fruit on those same trees "next season"! } with thumbs on their noses.

Pall Bearers. [ HIS COFFIN, behind. ] Heirs to his estate.

Aids, 12 Respectable Physicians. { Believers that Cochituate Water is WHOLESOME (in a chaise). } Aids, Board of Commissioners.

15 Marshals. { Chicken Fanciers who didn't buy their eggs of me, and who expected they would hatch! (Four thousand strong.) } 15 Marshals.

Aids, the Conductors. { A body of Express Agents, who never shook up the eggs intrusted to them (though they occasionally shook down their employers). } Aids, the Brakemen.

Band.—Air: "O, I never will deceive you!"

Flanked by the Subscribers for that "Double Harness," { "My friend The President," In the carriage presented to him by "the people," drawn by that "superb pair of $1500 horses" which we read of in the papers. } and the "mourners" who didn't obtain fat offices.

Motto: "I'll see you in the Fall." { Banners. } Motto: "Save me from my friends!"

Full Band.

Aid, Brass & Co. { The Hatch Grey Shanghae Express Co., with the latest news from Nantucket and "Marm Hackett's Garden." Motto: "Important, if true!" } Aid, The "Colonel."

Aid, Two Presidents. { Holders of Second Mortgage R.R. Bonds, 24 deep, in 2400 sections. Banner. Motto: "There's a good time coming." } Aid, One Treasurer.

Aids, 5 Regular Doctors. { The owner of the first "Brahma Pootra" fowls in America, with a map of India on the seat of his pantaloons. } Aids, Faculty of Ripum College.

Aid, Lucy Brick. { The original members of the "Women's Rights Convention." Band.—Air: "Why don't the men propose?" } Aid, Abby Fulsome.

Aids, The First Premium Fowls { The "wreck of Burnham's character" caused by the powerful newspaper assaults of one The Bee Minur, A.SS. } Aids, The "Porte-Monnaie I owe 'em Company."

Banner.—Motto: "Don't he feel bad!"

No aid for him! { The Poultry Fancier who had found out the exact difference between a "Cochin-China" and a "Shanghae." } Too far gone!

Unpaid Compositors. { Delinquent subscribers to northern Farmers, twelve deep, and three miles long! } Disappointed "Press Gang."

Marshal. [ The "editor," suffering from a severe attack of roup. ] Marshal.

David. { Dr. Bangit, with the unsold copies of his Poultry-Book, in a huge baggage-wagon, drawn by 14 horses. } Goliah.

Aids, 15 Sisters of Charity. { A battalion of victims to the Hen Fever, who had bought eggs that "didn't hatch" and who were waiting patiently to have their money returned! } Aids, 15 friends to the Insane Poor.

Marshal and Deputy Sheriff. { My legal friend (on a mule) who promised to spend a thousand dollars in prosecuting me for selling him Shanghae eggs for Cochin-Chinas! } Jail Keeper and 4 Constables.

Aid, Barnam. { Fat Johnny Jiles, with the head of a pure "Black Spanish" crower on a salver. } Aid, Burnum.

Marshals. { The men who didn't take the first premiums (when I was round) at the Poultry-Shows (in deep mourning). } Marshals.

Aids, A "Cabinet" of Curiosities. { The political remains of Frank Pierce, in a toy wheelbarrow, with Banner, on a "sharp stick." Motto: "Veto." } Aids, His own Opinions!

Aid, Editor of the Northum Farmer. { Victims who purchased Minor's "Patent Cross-grained Collateral Beehives," with Motto: "Burned child dreads the fire." } Aid, Gen. Bangit, of the "Nauvoo Legion."

Aids, The Sellers. { Customers for "Ozier Willow, in two sections, one man deep. Banner.—Motto: "I rather guess not!" } Aids, The Victims.

Marshals. { A huge concourse of "Copper Stock" and "Agewuth Land" owners, in deep sables. } Marshals.

Full Band.—Air: Dead March.

Banner.—Motto: "You're sure to win—if you don't lose!"

☞ A smooth-skinned pure "Suffolk" Pig, imported. ☜

Twenty-four Sewing Machines, "warranted."

Aid, Secretary. { President of the "Porte-Monnaie I owe 'em Company," as Richard III. on horseback. } Aid, Treasurer.

Nine "Bother'em Pootrums," rampant.

The few unlucky Buyers. { The identical lot of "pure-bred" fowls that Bangit, Plarsterd, Minor, Humm & Co., imported (over the left) "for the Southern market," in 1853! } The Believers in this story!

The Hen that lays two eggs a day!

Treasurer of the "Mut. Adm'n Society."

Defunct Hucksters, in a tip-cart.

Four empty Hen-Coops, on wheels.

☞ Breeders of pure Alderney cattle! ☜ who furnish Pedigrees with long tails.

An effigy of the Last Man that will buy Shanghae chickens (in a strait-jacket).

Police and Aids. { Purchasers of Live Stock who bought of my competitors; with Banner. Motto: "We got more than we bargained for!" } Sheriff and posse.

The Hen-Men who "pity Poor Burnham."

My Own Cash Customers, 10,000 strong!

Cavalcade.

"THE PEOPLE," Music, And the rest of Mankind, etc.

The scene was closing! That immense concourse of humbugs and humbugged had passed on, and I was alone once more. But, a moment afterwards, I saw the head and face of a comical and good-humored looking Yankee (just beneath the window), who was in the act of puffing into the air a huge budget of bubbles, that danced and floated in the atmosphere for a brief moment, and which, bursting, suddenly awoke me. Here is a sketch of the finale.