THE DOCTOR,
Reading edition
&c.
VOL. V.
LONDON: LONGMAN, REES, ORME, BROWN, GREEN AND LONGMAN. 1838.
LONDON: PRINTED BY W. NICOL, PALL-MALL.
PRELUDE OF MOTTOES.
See here, see here, a Doctor rare, Who travels much at home; Come take his pills,—they cure all ills, Past, present, and to come. Take a little of his nif-naf, Put it on your tif-taf. THE BISHOPRICK GARLAND.
Quod virgo proba, quod stolata mater, Quod purus positâ severitate Jam post pulpita perlegat sacerdos. T. L. ON SIR WM. KILLIGREW'S SELINDRA.
I entered on this work certainly with considerable materials, and since engaging in it, in reading, in thinking, in correcting and improving, I have proportioned my labours to my undertaking. Every step I advanced, I did but more clearly see how much farther I might go. Here too readers and some writers may be reminded of the effect produced by finding a pleasure in your employment, some burdens are sweet; you lose the sense of weight by the deceptions of fancy and occasional rests; and in proportion as your journey becomes more agreeable, you are in danger of growing more dilatory.
GEORGE DYER.
Si tu tombes entre les mains de ceux qui ne voyent rien d'autruy que pour y trouver sujet de s'y desplaire, et qu'ils te reprochent que ton Docteur est ennuyeux; responds leur qu'il est à leur choix de lui voir ou ne lui voir point.—Si tu te trouves parmy ceux qui font profession d'interpreter les songes, et descouvrir les pensées plus secrettes d'autruy, et qu'ils asseurent que * * est un tel homme et * * une telle femme; ne leur respond rien; car ils sçavent assez qu'ils ne sçavent pas ce qu'ils disent: mais supplie ceux qui pourroient estre abusez de leurs fictions, de considerer que si ces choses ne m'importent, j'aurois eu bien peu d'esprit de les avoir voulu dissimuler et ne l'avoir sceu faire. Que si en ce qu'ils diront, il n'y a guere d'apparence, il ne les faut pas croire; et s'il y'en a beaucoup, il faut penser que pour couvrir la chose que je voulois tenir cachée et ensevelie, je l'eusse autrement desguisée.
ASTRÉE—MUTATIS MUTANDIS.
I would not be in danger of that law of Moses, that if a man dig a pit and cover it not, he must recompense those which are damnified by it; which is often interpreted of such as shake old opinions, and do not establish new as certain, but leave consciences in a worse danger than they found them in. I believe that law of Moses hath in it some mystery and appliableness; for by that law men are only then bound to that indemnity and compensation, if an ox or an ass, (that is such as are of a strong constitution and accustomed to labour) fall therein; but it is not said so, if a sheep or a goat fall: no more are we if men in a silliness or wantonness will stumble or take a scandal, bound to rectify them at all times. And therefore because I justly presume you strong and watchful enough, I make account that I am not obnoxious to that law; since my meditations are neither too wide nor too deep for you.
DONNE'S LETTERS.
Such an author consulted in a morning sets the spirits for the vicissitudes of the day, better than the glass does a man's person.
SIR RICHARD STEELE.
The Load-stone of Attraction I find out, The Card of Observation guides about, The Needle of Discretion points the way. DUTCHESS OF NEWCASTLE.
—βροτοὶ παύσασθε μάταιοι. Ῥεμβομενοι σκοτίη και ἀφεγγέϊ νυκτὶ μελαίνῃ· Καὶ λίΠετε σκοτίην νυκτὸς, φωτὸς δὲ λάβεσθε· Οὗτος ἰδοὺ παντεσσι σαφὴς, ἀπλάνητος ὑπάρχει. Ἐλθετε, μὴ σκοτίην δὲ διώκετε, καὶ γνόφον αἰεί· Ἠελίȣ γλυκυδερκὲς ἰδοὺ φάος ἔξοχα λάμπει. SIBYLLINE VERSES.
Of things that be strange Who loveth to read In this book let him range His fancy to feed. RICHARD ROBINSON.
At ego tibi sermone isto— Varias fabulas conseram, auresque tuas Benevolus lepido susurro permulceam. APULEIUS.
Whoso doth attempt the Author's works to read Must bring with him a stayed head, and judgement to proceed; For as there be most wholesome hests and precepts to be found, So are there rocks and shallow shelves to run the ship aground. ARTHUR GOLDING.
I am studying the art of patience:—to drive six snails before me from this town to Moscow, neither use goad nor whip to them, but let them take their own time. The patientest man i' the world match me for an experiment!
WEBSTER.
He says and he says not, cares and he cares not, he's king and he's no king; his high-born soul is above this sublunary world; he reigns, he rides in the clouds and keeps his court in the Horizon: he's Emperor of the Superlative Heights, and lives in pleasure among the Gods; he plays at bowls with the Stars, and makes a foot-ball of the Globe; he makes that to fly far, far out of the reach of Thought.
HURLOTHRUMBO.
Lo libres fo be faitz, e de bos motz complit; E sil voletz entendre, li gran e li petit Podon i mot apendre de sen e de bel dit; Car aisel qui le fe nal ventre tot farsit, E sel que nol conoish, ni nol a resentit. Ja no so cujaria. CANSOS DE LA CROZADA CONTR ELS EREGES DALBREGES .
Something oddly The book-man prated; yet he talked it weeping. FORD.
We content ourselves to present to thinking minds, the original seeds from whence spring vast fields of new theories, that may be further cultivated, beautified and enlarged. Truth however being of a coherent nature, it is impossible to separate one branch from another and see it in all its beauty. I beg therefore my readers not to judge of the work by parcels, but to continue to the end, that so they may see the connection of every part with the whole. Scattered rays do not always enlighten; but when reunited they give a mutual lustre to each other.
THE CHEVALIER RAMSAY.
I must be allowed my freedom in my studies, for I substitute my writings for a game at the tennis-court or a club at the tavern. I never counted among my honours these opuscula of mine, but merely as harmless amusements. It is my partridge, as with St. John; my Cat, as with Pope St. Gregory; my little dog, as with St. Dominic; my lamb, as with St. Francis; (my pig, he might have said as with St. Antony,) my great black mastiff as with Cornelius Agrippa; and my tame hare, as with Justus Lipsius.
CATHERINOT. As quoted and translated by D'ISRAELI.
To ignorants obdurde, quhair wilfull errour lyis, Nor zit to curious folks, quhilks carping dois deject thee, Nor zit to learned men, quha thinks thame onelie wyis, But to the docile bairns of knowledge I direct thee. JAMES 1st.
Albeit I have studied much and learned little, yet I have learned to glean some handfulls of corn out of the rankest cockle; to make choice of the most fragrant flowers of humanity, the most virtuous herbs of philosophy, the most sovereign fruits of government, and the most heavenly manna of divinity; to be acquainted with the fairest, provided for the foulest, delighted with the temperatest, pleased with the meanest, and contented with all weather—greater men may profess and can achieve greater matters: I thank God I know the length, that is the shortness of my own foot. If it be any man's pleasure to extenuate my sufficiency in other knowledge, or practise to empeach my ability in words or deeds, to debase my fortune, to abridge my commendations, or to annihilate my fame, he shall find a cold adversary of him that hath laid hot passions awatering, and might easily be induced to be the invective of his own non proficiency.
GABRIEL HARVEY.
CONTENTS.
CHAPTER CXXXVII.
DIFFERENCE OF OPINION BETWEEN THE DOCTOR AND NICHOLAS CONCERNING THE HIPPOGONY, OR ORIGIN OF THE FOAL DROPT IN THE PRECEDING CHAPTER.
———his birth day, the eleventh of June When the Apostle Barnaby the bright Unto our year doth give the longest light. BEN JONSON.
CHAPTER CXXXVIII.
DOUBTFUL PEDIGREE OF ECLIPSE. SHAKESPEAR (N. B. NOT WILLIAM) AND OLD MARSK. A PECULIARITY OF THE ENGLISH LAW.
Lady Percy. But hear you, my Lord!
Hotspur. What say'st thou, my lady?
Lady Percy. What is it carries you away?
Hotspur. Why my Horse, my love, my Horse.
SHAKESPEAR.
CHAPTER CXXXIX.
FACTS AND OBSERVATIONS RELATING TO ONOMATOLOGY.
Moreover there are many more things in the World than there are names for them; according to the saying of the Philosopher; Nomina sunt finita, res autem infinitæ; ideo unum nomen plura significat: which saying is by a certain, or rather uncertain, author approved: Multis speciebus non sunt nomina; idcirco necessarium est nomina fingere, si nullum ante erit nomen impositum.
GWILLIM.
CHAPTER CXL.
HOW THERE AROSE A DISPUTE BETWEEN BARNABY AND NICHOLAS CONCERNING THE NAMING OF THIS COLT, AND OF THE EXTRAORDINARY CIRCUMSTANCES THAT ENSUED.
Quoiqu'il en soit, je ne tairai point cette histoire; je l'abandonne à la credulité, ou à l'incredulité des Lecteurs, ils prendront à cet égard quel parti il leur plaira. Je dirai seulement, s'ils ne la veulent pas croire, que je les defie de me prouver qu'elle soit absolument impossible; ils ne le prouveront jamais.
GOMGAM.
CHAPTER CXLI.
A SINGULAR ANECDOTE AND NOT MORE SAD THAN TRUE.
Oh penny Pipers, and most painful penners Of bountiful new Ballads, what a subject, What a sweet subject for your silver sounds! BEAUMONT and FLETCHER.
CHAPTER CXLII.
A DEFECT IN HOYLE SUPPLIED. GOOD ADVICE GIVEN, AND PLAIN TRUTH TOLD. A TRIBUTE OF RESPECT TO THE MEMORY OF F. NEWBERY, THE CHILDREN'S BOOKSELLER AND FRIEND.
Neither is it a thing impossible or greatly hard, even by such kind of proofs so to manifest and clear that point, that no man living shall be able to deny it, without denying some apparent principle such as all men acknowledge to be true.
HOOKER.
CHAPTER CXLIII.
A FEEBLE ATTEMPT TO DESCRIBE THE PHYSICAL AND MORAL QUALITIES OF NOBS.
Quant à moi, je desirerois fort sçavoir bien dire, ou que j'eusse eu une bonne plume, et bien taillée à commandement, pour l'exalter et louër comme il le mérite. Toutesfois, telle quelle est, je m'en vais l'employer au hazard.
BRANTOME.
CHAPTER CXLIV.
HISTORY AND ROMANCE RANSACKED FOR RESEMBLANCES AND NON-RESEMBLANCES TO THE HORSE OF DR. DANIEL DOVE.
Renowned beast! (forgive poetic flight!) Not less than man, deserves poetic right. THE BRUCIAD.
CHAPTER CXLV.
WILLIAM OSMER. INNATE QUALITIES. MARCH OF ANIMAL INTELLECT. FARTHER REVEALMENT OF THE COLUMBIAN PHILOSOPHY.
There is a word, and it is a great word in this Book,1 ἐπι το αὐτο,—In id ipsum, that is, to look to the thing itself, the very point, the principal matter of all; to have our eye on that, and not off it, upon alia omnia, any thing but it.—To go to the point, drive all to that, as also to go to the matter real, without declining from it this way or that, to the right hand or to the left.
BP. ANDREWS.
1The New Testament which the Preacher had before him.
CHAPTER CXLVI.
DANIEL DOVE VERSUS SENECA AND BEN JONSON. ORLANDO AND HIS HORSE AT RONCESVALLES. MR. BURCHELL. THE PRINCE OF ORANGE. THE LORD KEEPER GUILDFORD. REV. MR. HAWTAYN. DR. THOMAS JACKSON. THE ELDER SCALIGER. EVELYN. AN ANONYMOUS AMERICAN. WALTER LANDOR, AND CAROLINE BOWLES.
——Contented with an humble theme I pour my stream of panegyric down The vale of Nature, where it creeps and winds Among her lovely works with a secure And unambitious course, reflecting clear, If not the virtues, yet the worth of brutes. COWPER.
CHAPTER CXLVII.
OLD TREES. SHIPS. FIGURATIVE LANGUAGE. LIFE AND PASSIONS ASCRIBED TO INANIMATE OBJECTS. FETISH WORSHIP. A LORD CHANCELLOR AND HIS GOOSE.
Ce que j'en ay escrit, c'est pour une curiosité, qui plaira possible à aucuns: et non possible aux autres.
BRANTOME.
CHAPTER EXTRAORDINARY.
PROCEEDINGS AT A BOOK CLUB. THE AUTHOR ACCUSED OF ‘LESE DELICATESSE,’ OR WHAT IS CALLED AT COURT ‘TUM-TI-TEE.’ HE UTTERS A MYSTERIOUS EXCLAMATION, AND INDIGNANTLY VINDICATES HIMSELF.
Rem profecto mirabilem, longeque stupendam, rebusque veris veriorem describo.
HIERONYMUS RADIOLENSIS.
CHAPTER CXLVIII.
WHEREIN A SUBSTITUTE FOR OATHS, AND OTHER PASSIONATE INTERJECTIONS IS EXEMPLIFIED.
What have we to do with the times? We cannot cure 'em: Let them go on: when they are swoln with surfeits They'll burst and stink: Then all the world shall smell 'em. BEAUMONT and FLETCHER.
CHAPTER CXLIX.
A PARLOUS QUESTION ARISING OUT OF THE FOREGOING CHAPTER. MR. IRVING AND THE UNKNOWN TONGUES. TAYLOR THE WATER POET. POSSIBLE SCHEME OF INTERPRETATION PROPOSED. OPINIONS CONCERNING THE GIFT OF TONGUES AS EXHIBITED IN MADMEN.
Speak what terrible language you will, though you understand it not yourselves, no matter! Chough's language, gabble enough and good enough.
SHAKESPEARE.
CHAPTER CL.
THE WEDDING PEAL AT ST. GEORGE'S, AND THE BRIDE'S APPEARANCE AT CHURCH.
See how I have strayed! and you'll not wonder when you reflect on the whence and the whither.
ALEXANDER KNOX.
CHAPTER CLI.
SOMETHING SERIOUS.
If thou hast read all this Book, and art never the better, yet catch this flower before thou go out of the garden, and peradventure the scent thereof will bring thee back to smell the rest.
HENRY SMITH.
CHAPTER CLII.
ODD OPINIONS CONCERNING BIOGRAPHY AND EDUCATION. THE AUTHOR MAKES A SECOND HIATUS AS UNWILLINGLY AS HE MADE THE FIRST, AND FOR THE SAME COGENT REASON.
Ya sabes—pero es forzoso Repetirlo, aunque lo sepas. CALDERON.
CHAPTER CLIII.
MATRIMONY AND RAZORS. LIGHT SAYINGS LEADING TO GRAVE THOUGHTS. USES OF SHAVING.
I wonder whence that tear came, when I smiled In the production on't! Sorrow's a thief That can when joy looks on, steal forth a grief. MASSINGER.
CHAPTER CLIV.
A POET'S CALCULATION CONCERNING THE TIME EMPLOYED IN SHAVING, AND THE USE THAT MIGHT BE MADE OF IT. THE LAKE POETS LAKE SHAVERS ALSO. A PROTEST AGAINST LAKE SHAVING.
Intellect and industry are never incompatible. There is more wisdom, and will be more benefit, in combining them than scholars like to believe, or than the common world imagine. Life has time enough for both, and its happiness will be increased by the union.
SHARON TURNER.
CHAPTER CLV.
THE POET'S CALCULATION TESTED AND PROVED.
Fiddle-faddle, dont tell of this and that, and every thing in the world, but give me mathematical demonstration.
CONGREVE.
CHAPTER CLVI.
AN ANECDOTE OF WESLEY, AND AN ARGUMENT ARISING OUT OF IT, TO SHOW THAT THE TIME EMPLOYED IN SHAVING IS NOT SO MUCH LOST TIME; AND YET THAT THE POET'S CALCULATION REMAINS OF PRACTICAL USE.
Questo medesimo anchora con una altra gagliardissima ragione vi confermo.
LODOVICO DOMINICHI.
CHAPTER CLVII.
WHICH THE READER WILL FIND LIKE A ROASTED MAGGOT, SHORT AND SWEET.
Malum quod minimum est, id minimum est malum.
PLAUTUS.
CHAPTER CLVIII.
DR. DOVE'S PRECEPTORIAL PRESCRIPTION, TO BE TAKEN BY THOSE WHO NEED IT.
Some strange devise, I know, each youthful wight Would here expect, or lofty brave assay: But I'll the simple truth in simple wise convey. HENRY MORE.
CHAPTER CLIX.
THE AUTHOR COMPARES HIMSELF AND THE DOCTOR TO CARDINAL WOLSEY AND KING HENRY VIII. AND SUGGESTS SUNDRY SIMILES FOR THE STYLE OF HIS BOOK.
I doubt not but some will liken me to the Lover in a modern Comedy, who was combing his peruke and setting his cravat before his mistress; and being asked by her when he intended to begin his court? he replied, he had been doing it all this while.
DRYDEN.
CHAPTER CLX.
MENTION OF ONE FOR WHOM THE GERMANS WOULD COIN A DESIGNATION WHICH MIGHT BE TRANSLATED A ONCE-READER. MANY MINDS IN THE SAME MAN. A POET'S UNREASONABLE REQUEST. THE AUTHOR OFFERS GOOD ADVICE TO HIS READERS, AND ENFORCES IT BY AN EPISCOPAL OPINION.
Judge not before Thou know mine intent; But read me throughout, And then say thy fill; As thou in opinion Art minded and bent, Whether it be Either good or ill. E. P.
CHAPTER CLXI.
WESLEY AND THE DOCTOR OF THE SAME OPINION UPON THE SUBJECT OF THESE CHAPTERS. A STUPENDOUS EXAMPLE OF CYCLOPÆDIAN STOLIDITY.
A good razor never hurts, or scratches. Neither would good wit, were men as tractable as their chins. But instead of parting with our intellectual bristles quietly, we set them up, and wriggle. Who can wonder then if we are cut to the bone?
GUESSES AT TRUTH.
CHAPTER CLXII.
AMOUNT OF EVERY INDIVIDUAL'S PERSONAL SINS ACCORDING TO THE ESTIMATE OF MR. TOPLADY. THE DOCTOR'S OPINION THEREON. A BILL FOR CERTAIN CHURCH REPAIRS. A ROMISH LEGEND WHICH IS LIKELY TO BE TRUE, AND PART OF A JESUIT'S SERMON.
Mankind, tho' satirists with jobations weary us, Has only two weak parts if fairly reckon'd; The first of which, is trifling with things serious; And seriousness in trifles is the second. Remove these little rubs, whoe'er knows how, And fools will be as scarce,—as wise men now. BISHOP.
CHAPTER CLXIII.
AN OPINION OF EL VENERABLE PADRE MAESTRO FRAY LUIS DE GRANADA, AND A PASSAGE QUOTED FROM HIS WORKS, BECAUSE OF THE PECULIAR BENEFIT TO WHICH PERSONS OF A CERTAIN DENOMINATION WILL FIND THEMSELVES ENTITLED UPON READING OR HEARING IT READ.
Chacun tourne en réalités, Autant qu'il peut, ses propres songes; L'homme est de glace aux vérités, Il est de feu pour les mensonges. LA FONTAINE.
CHAPTER CLXIV.
AN ENQUIRY IN THE POULTRY-YARD, INTO THE TRUTH OF AN OPINION EXPRESSED BY ARISTOTLE.
This is some liquor poured out of his bottle; A deadly draught for those of Aristotle. J. C. sometime of M. H. Oxon.
CHAPTER CLXV.
A QUESTION ASKED AND RIGHTLY ANSWERED, WITH NOTICES OF A GREAT IMPORTATION ANNOUNCED IN THE LEITH COMMERCIAL LIST.
“But tell me yet what followed on that But.”
DANIEL.
CHAPTER CLXVI.
A WISH CONCERNING WHALES, WITH SOME REMARKS UPON THEIR PLACE IN PHYSICAL AND MORAL CLASSIFICATION. DR. ABRAHAM REES. CAPTAIN SCORESBY. THE WHALE FISHERY.
Your Whale he will swallow a hogshead for a pill; But the maker of the mouse-trap is he that hath skill. BEN JONSON.
CHAPTER CLXVII.
A MOTTO WHICH IS WELL CHOSEN BECAUSE NOT BEING APPLICABLE IT SEEMS TO BE SO. THE AUTHOR NOT ERRANT HERE OR ELSEWHERE. PHILOSOPHY AND OTHER-OSOPHIES.
Much from my theme and friend have I digressed, But poor as I am, poor in stuff for thought, And poor in thought to make of it the best, Blame me not, Gentles, if I soon am caught By this or that, when as my themes suggest Aught of collateral aid which may be wrought Into its service: Blame me not, I say; The idly musing often miss their way. CHARLES LLOYD.
CHAPTER CLXVIII.
NE-PLUS-ULTRA-WHALE-FISHING. AN OPINION OF CAPTAIN SCORESBY'S. THE DOCTOR DENIES THAT ALL CREATURES WERE MADE FOR THE USE OF MAN. THE CONTRARY DEMONSTRATED IN PRACTICE BY BELLARMINE.
Sequar quo vocas, omnibus enim rebus omnibusque sermonibus, aliquid salutare miscendum est.
SENECA.
CHAPTER CLXIX.
LINKS AND AFFINITIES. A MAP OF THE AUTHOR'S INTELLECTUAL COURSE IN THE FIVE PRECEDING CHAPTERS.
Ὦ φίλε Φαῖδρε, ποῖ δὴ καὶ πόθεν; PLATO.
CHAPTER CLXX.
THE AUTHOR REPEATS A REMARK OF HIS DAUGHTER UPON THE PRECEDING CHAPTER; COMPLIMENTS THE LORD BROUGHAM AND VAUX UPON HIS LUNGS AND LARYNX; PHILOSOPHIZES AND QUOTES, AND QUOTES AND PHILOSOPHIZES AGAIN AND AGAIN.
Fato, Fortuna, Predestinazione, Sorte, Caso, Ventura, son di quelle Cose che dan gran noja a le persone, E vi si dicon su di gran novelle. Ma in fine Iddio d'ogni cose é padrone: E chi é savio domina a le stelle; Chi non é savio paziente e forte, Lamentisi di se, non de la sorte. ORL. INN.
CHAPTER CLXXI.
CONTAINING PART OF A SERMON, WHICH THE READER WILL FIND WORTH MORE THAN MOST WHOLE ONES THAT IT MAY BE HIS FORTUNE TO HEAR.
Je fais une grande provision de bon sens en prenant ce que les autres en ont.
MADAME DE MAINTENON.
INTERCHAPTER XVII.
A POPULAR LAY NOTICED, WITH SUNDRY REMARKS PERTINENT THERETO, SUGGESTED THEREBY, OR DEDUCED THEREFROM.
Look, he's winding up the watch of his wit: by and by it will strike.
TEMPEST.
INTERCHAPTER XVIII.
APPLICATION OF THE LAY. CALEB D'ANVERS. IRISH LAW. ICON BASILIKE. JUNIUS. THOMAS À KEMPIS. FELIX HEMMERLEN. A NEEDLE LARGER THAN GAMMER GURTON'S AND A MUCH COARSER THREAD. THOMAS WARTON AND BISHOP STILL. THE JOHN WEBSTERS, THE ALEXANDER CUNNINGHAMS, AND THE CURINAS AND THE STEPHENS.
Lo que soy, razona poco Porque de sombra a mi va nada, o poco. FUENTE DESEADA.
INTERCHAPTER XIX.
THE AUTHOR DIFFERS IN OPINION FROM SIR EGERTON BRYDGES AND THE EMPEROR JULIAN, SPEAKS CHARITABLY OF THAT EMPEROR, VINDICATES PROTEUS FROM HIS CENSURE, AND TALKS OF POSTHUMOUS TRAVELS AND EXTRA MUNDANE EXCURSIONS, AND THE PUBLIC LIBRARY IN LIMBOLAND.
Petulant. If he says black's black,—if I have a humour to say it is blue—let that pass. All's one's for that. If I have a humour to prove it, it must be granted.
Witwould. Not positively must,—But it may, it may.
Petulant. Yes, it positively must,—upon proof positive.
Witwould. Ay, upon proof positive it must; but upon proof presumptive it only may. That's a logical distinction now.
CONGREVE.