The Comic Poems of Thomas HoodHOOD’S POETICAL WORKS. ———— COMIC. ————Reading editionChapter navigation219 reading sectionsGo to chapterChoose a chapter…Front matterTHE COMIC POEMS OF THOMAS HOOD.PREFACE.EDITORIAL NOTE.HOOD’S POETICAL WORKS. ———— COMIC. ————REPLY TO A PASTORAL POET.A TALE OF TEMPER.THE CAPTAIN’S COW. A ROMANCE OF THE IRON AGE.THE DOVES AND THE CROWS.A TALE OF A TRUMPET.AN OPEN QUESTION.THE TURTLES. A FABLE.TOWN AND COUNTRY.THE LOST HEIR.SHE IS FAR FROM THE LAND.ANACREONTIC. BY A FOOTMAN.THE FORLORN SHEPHERD’S COMPLAINT. AN UNPUBLISHED POEM, FROM SYDNEY.HUGGINS AND DUGGINS. A PASTORAL AFTER POPE.PAIN IN A PLEASURE-BOAT. A SEA ECLOCUE.GOG AND MAGOG. A GUILDHALL DUET.THE SWEEP’S COMPLAINT.THE CARELESSE NURSE MAYD.JARVIS AND MRS. COPE. A DECIDEDLY SERIOUS BALLAD.A LAY OF REAL LIFE.THE LARK AND THE ROOK. A FABLE.A NOCTURNAL SKETCH.DOMESTIC ASIDES; OR, TRUTH IN PARENTHESES.JOHN DAY. A PATHETIC BALLAD.NUMBER ONE. VERSIFIED FROM THE PROSE OF A YOUNG LADY.THE DROWNING DUCKS.DIBDIN MODERNIZED.THE STORM RE-WRITTEN.I’M NOT A SINGLE MAN.THE GHOST. A VERY SERIOUS BALLAD.THE DOUBLE KNOCK.OUR VILLAGE.—BY A VILLAGER.PAIR’D NOT MATCH’D.THE BOY AT THE NORE.THE SUPPER SUPERSTITION. A PATHETIC BALLAD.THE BROKEN DISH.LITERARY AND LITERAL.“Love Lays and Lyrics BY A P I G.”THE SUB-MARINE.THE LAMENT OF TOBY, THE LEARNED PIG.MY SON AND HEIR.CLUBS, TURNED UP BY A FEMALE HAND.THE UNITED FAMILY.THE DEAD ROBBERY.A PARENTAL ODE TO MY SON, AGED THREE YEARS AND FIVE MONTHS.A SERENADE.AN INCENDIARY SONG.COPY. A NEW SPECIES OF POETRY.SKIPPING. A MYSTERY.A BUTCHER.A PUBLIC DINNER.A CHARITY SERMON.THE CHINA MENDER.ON A PICTURE OF HERO AND LEANDER.MISS FANNY’S FAREWELL FLOWERS.THE STAGE-STRUCK HERO.YE TOURISTS AND TRAVELLERS.RURAL FELICITY.THE DOCTOR. A SKETCH.LAYING DOWN THE LAW.A BLACK JOB.A DISCOVERY IN ASTRONOMY.THE SAUSAGE MAKER’S GHOST. A LONDON LEGEND.TO JOSEPH HUME, ESQ., M.P.TO ADMIRAL GAMBIER, G.C.B.TO SPENCER PERCEVAL, ESQ., M.P.TO MISS KELLY. ON HER OPENING THE STRAND THEATRE.TO DOCTOR HAHNEMANN. THE HOMŒOPATHIST.TO THE ADVOCATES FOR THE REMOVAL OF SMITHFIELD MARKET.TO MARY AT NO. 1, NEWGATE. Favoured by Mr. Wontner.TO FANNY.TO MR. MALTHUS.TO ST. SWITHIN.LINES TO A LADY ON HER DEPARTURE FOR INDIA.SIR JOHN BOWRING.TO MR. M‘ADAM.A FRIENDLY EPISTLE TO MRS. FRY, IN NEWGATE.TO MR. DYMOKE. THE CHAMPION OF ENGLAND.TO JOSEPH GRIMALDI, SENIOR.TO SYLVANUS URBAN, ESQ., EDITOR OF THE “GENTLEMAN’S MAGAZINE.”TO W. KITCHENER, M.D.,TO THE DEAN AND CHAPTER OF WESTMINSTER.ON AN UNFAVOURABLE REVIEW.TO PEACE. WRITTEN ON THE NIGHT OF MY MISTRESS’S GRAND ROUT.FOR THE NINTH OF NOVEMBER.ON THE CELEBRATION OF PEACE. BY DORCAS DOVE.TO MR. ISAAK WALTON, AT MR. MAJOR’S THE BOOKSELLER’S IN FLEET STREET.TO MARY HOUSEMAID. ON VALENTINE’S DAY.TO A BAD RIDER.TO A CRITIC.THE SWEETS OF YOUTH.TO HENRIETTA,[8] ON HER DEPARTURE FOR CALAIS.HINTS TO PAUL PRY.ON STEAM. BY AN UNDER-HOSTLER.ALLEGORY. A MORAL VEHICLE.A SOMNAMBULIST.TO VAUXHALL.TO A SCOTCH GIRL, WASHING LINEN AFTER HER COUNTRY FASHION.TO A DECAYED SEAMAN.TO LORD WHARNCLIFFE, ON HIS GAME-BILL.LIEUTENANT LUFF. A COMIC BALLAD.LOVE HAS NOT EYES.A HAPPY NEW YEAR!SEA-SONG. AFTER DIBDIN.REFLECTIONS ON A NEW YEAR’S DAY.WRITTEN UNDER THE FEAR OF BAILIFFS.A FEW LINES ON COMPLETING FORTY-SEVEN.A BULL.ON THE DEATH OF THE GIRAFFE.ON THE REMOVAL OF A MENAGERIE.ON HER MAJESTY’S VISIT TO THE CITY, 1844.ON THE QUEEN’S VISIT TO THE CITY, BY A CORNHILL TRADESMAN.ON THE STATUES IN TRAFALGAR SQUARE.ON A PICTURE (407) IN THE BRITISH INSTITUTION, 1843.HEART-SPRINGS.CHANGE OF MINISTRY.A PIG IN A POKE.COMPOSED ON READING A DIARY.THE PURSUIT OF LETTERS.A REFLECTION.LAYING THE DUST.ON LIEUTENANT EYRE’S NARRATIVE OF THE DISASTERS AT CABUL.THE SUPERIORITY OF MACHINERY.PARTY SPIRIT.LORD B——.TRAITORS’ AIMS.ON A CERTAIN LOCALITY.ON THE ART-UNIONS.A MORNING THOUGHT.ON A CERTAIN EQUESTRIAN STATUE AT THE ROYAL EXCHANGE.ON A DAGUERREOTYPE PORTRAIT OF A LADY.SUGGESTIONS BY STEAM.PUNISHMENT OF SUICIDES.ATHOL BROSE.ON THE DEPRECIATED MONEY.ON MRS. PARKES’S PAMPHLET.AN EXPLANATION BY ONE OF THE LIVERY.ON THE NEW HALF-FARTHINGS.THE SURPLICE QUESTION. BY A BENEDICT.THE EPPING HUNT. “HUNT’S ROASTED——”JACK HALL.MISS KILMANSEGG AND HER PRECIOUS LEG. A GOLDEN LEGEND.MISS KILMANSEGG AND HER PRECIOUS LEG. A GOLDEN LEGEND. (continued 2)JOHN TROT. A BALLAD.THE WIDOW.“DON’T YOU SMELL FIRE?”THE WEE MAN. A ROMANCE.“THE LAST MAN.”BACKING THE FAVOURITE.THE BALLAD OF “SALLY BROWN AND BEN THE CARPENTER.”FAITHLESS SALLY BROWN.LOVE.AS IT FELL UPON A DAY.A FAIRY TALE.THE FALL OF THE DEER. [FROM AN OLD MS.]TIM TURPIN, A PATHETIC BALLAD.THE MONKEY-MARTYR. A FABLE.CRANIOLOGY.A SAILOR’S APOLOGY FOR BOW-LEGS.THE STAG-EYED LADY. A MOORISH TALE.FAITHLESS NELLY GRAY. A PATHETIC BALLAD.THE SEA-SPELL.THE DEMON-SHIP.MARY’S GHOST. A PATHETIC BALLAD.ODE TO MR. BRUNEL.ANACREONTIC. FOR THE NEW YEAR.A WATERLOO BALLAD.COCKLE v. CACKLE.PLAYING AT SOLDIERS. “WHO’LL SERVE THE KING?”“NAPOLEON’S MIDNIGHT REVIEW.” A NEW VERSION.ODE TO DR. KITCHENER.THE CIGAR.AN ANCIENT CONCERT. BY A VENERABLE DIRECTOR.A REPORT FROM BELOW.THE LAST WISH.THE DEVIL’S ALBUM.A VALENTINE. THE WEATHER. TO P. MURPHY, ESQ., M.N.S.CONVEYANCING.THE ANGLER’S FAREWELL.A BLOW UP.THE SCHOOLMASTER’S MOTTO.THE KANGAROOS. A FABLE.I CANNOT BEAR A GUN.TRIMMER’S EXERCISE, FOR THE USE OF CHILDREN.AN ADDRESS TO THE STEAM WASHING COMPANY.LETTER OF REMONSTRANCE FROM BRIDGET JONES TO THE NOBLEMEN AND GENTLEMEN FORMING THE WASHING COMMITTEE.THE BLUE BOAR.A FLYING VISIT.A ROW AT THE OXFORD ARMS.A TABLE OF ERRATA. (HOSTESS LOQUITUR.)THE GREEN MAN.BEN BLUFF. A PATHETIC BALLAD.SALLY SIMPKIN’S LAMENT; OR, JOHN JONES’S KIT-CAT-ASTROPHE.I’M GOING TO BOMBAY.JOHN JONES. A PATHETIC BALLAD.POMPEY’S GHOST. A PATHETIC BALLAD.TO MR. WRENCH AT THE ENGLISH OPERA HOUSE.[14]LOVE, WITH A WITNESS.LINES BY A SCHOOL-BOY.ADDRESS TO MARIA DARLINGTON ON HER RETURN TO THE STAGE.ODE TO R. W. ELLISTON, ESQ., THE GREAT LESSEE!SHOOTING PAINS.THE DUEL. A SERIOUS BALLAD.DOG-GREL VERSES, BY A POOR BLIND.“UP THE RHINE.”THE COMET. AN ASTRONOMICAL ANECDOTE.MORE HULLAH-BALOO.THERE’S NO ROMANCE IN THAT.THE PAINTER PUZZLED.A TRUE STORY.THE LOGICIANS. AN ILLUSTRATION.LITTLE O’P.—AN AFRICAN FACT.THE ASSISTANT DRAPERS’ PETITION.SYMPTOMS OF OSSIFICATION.A CUSTOM-HOUSE BREEZE.Previous chapter ←EDITORIAL NOTE.Next chapter →REPLY TO A PASTORAL POET.All chapters and sections (219)Opening pagesFront matterOther sectionsTHE COMIC POEMS OF THOMAS HOOD.PREFACE.EDITORIAL NOTE.HOOD’S POETICAL WORKS. ———— COMIC. ————REPLY TO A PASTORAL POET.A TALE OF TEMPER.THE CAPTAIN’S COW. A ROMANCE OF THE IRON AGE.THE DOVES AND THE CROWS.A TALE OF A TRUMPET.AN OPEN QUESTION.THE TURTLES. A FABLE.TOWN AND COUNTRY.THE LOST HEIR.SHE IS FAR FROM THE LAND.ANACREONTIC. BY A FOOTMAN.THE FORLORN SHEPHERD’S COMPLAINT. AN UNPUBLISHED POEM, FROM SYDNEY.HUGGINS AND DUGGINS. A PASTORAL AFTER POPE.PAIN IN A PLEASURE-BOAT. A SEA ECLOCUE.GOG AND MAGOG. A GUILDHALL DUET.THE SWEEP’S COMPLAINT.THE CARELESSE NURSE MAYD.JARVIS AND MRS. COPE. A DECIDEDLY SERIOUS BALLAD.A LAY OF REAL LIFE.THE LARK AND THE ROOK. A FABLE.A NOCTURNAL SKETCH.DOMESTIC ASIDES; OR, TRUTH IN PARENTHESES.JOHN DAY. A PATHETIC BALLAD.NUMBER ONE. VERSIFIED FROM THE PROSE OF A YOUNG LADY.THE DROWNING DUCKS.DIBDIN MODERNIZED.THE STORM RE-WRITTEN.I’M NOT A SINGLE MAN.THE GHOST. A VERY SERIOUS BALLAD.THE DOUBLE KNOCK.OUR VILLAGE.—BY A VILLAGER.PAIR’D NOT MATCH’D.THE BOY AT THE NORE.THE SUPPER SUPERSTITION. A PATHETIC BALLAD.THE BROKEN DISH.LITERARY AND LITERAL.“Love Lays and Lyrics BY A P I G.”THE SUB-MARINE.THE LAMENT OF TOBY, THE LEARNED PIG.MY SON AND HEIR.CLUBS, TURNED UP BY A FEMALE HAND.THE UNITED FAMILY.THE DEAD ROBBERY.A PARENTAL ODE TO MY SON, AGED THREE YEARS AND FIVE MONTHS.A SERENADE.AN INCENDIARY SONG.COPY. A NEW SPECIES OF POETRY.SKIPPING. A MYSTERY.A BUTCHER.A PUBLIC DINNER.A CHARITY SERMON.THE CHINA MENDER.ON A PICTURE OF HERO AND LEANDER.MISS FANNY’S FAREWELL FLOWERS.THE STAGE-STRUCK HERO.YE TOURISTS AND TRAVELLERS.RURAL FELICITY.THE DOCTOR. A SKETCH.LAYING DOWN THE LAW.A BLACK JOB.A DISCOVERY IN ASTRONOMY.THE SAUSAGE MAKER’S GHOST. A LONDON LEGEND.TO JOSEPH HUME, ESQ., M.P.TO ADMIRAL GAMBIER, G.C.B.TO SPENCER PERCEVAL, ESQ., M.P.TO MISS KELLY. ON HER OPENING THE STRAND THEATRE.TO DOCTOR HAHNEMANN. THE HOMŒOPATHIST.TO THE ADVOCATES FOR THE REMOVAL OF SMITHFIELD MARKET.TO MARY AT NO. 1, NEWGATE. Favoured by Mr. Wontner.TO FANNY.TO MR. MALTHUS.TO ST. SWITHIN.LINES TO A LADY ON HER DEPARTURE FOR INDIA.SIR JOHN BOWRING.TO MR. M‘ADAM.A FRIENDLY EPISTLE TO MRS. FRY, IN NEWGATE.TO MR. DYMOKE. THE CHAMPION OF ENGLAND.TO JOSEPH GRIMALDI, SENIOR.TO SYLVANUS URBAN, ESQ., EDITOR OF THE “GENTLEMAN’S MAGAZINE.”TO W. KITCHENER, M.D.,TO THE DEAN AND CHAPTER OF WESTMINSTER.ON AN UNFAVOURABLE REVIEW.TO PEACE. WRITTEN ON THE NIGHT OF MY MISTRESS’S GRAND ROUT.FOR THE NINTH OF NOVEMBER.ON THE CELEBRATION OF PEACE. BY DORCAS DOVE.TO MR. ISAAK WALTON, AT MR. MAJOR’S THE BOOKSELLER’S IN FLEET STREET.TO MARY HOUSEMAID. ON VALENTINE’S DAY.TO A BAD RIDER.TO A CRITIC.THE SWEETS OF YOUTH.TO HENRIETTA,[8] ON HER DEPARTURE FOR CALAIS.HINTS TO PAUL PRY.ON STEAM. BY AN UNDER-HOSTLER.ALLEGORY. A MORAL VEHICLE.A SOMNAMBULIST.TO VAUXHALL.TO A SCOTCH GIRL, WASHING LINEN AFTER HER COUNTRY FASHION.TO A DECAYED SEAMAN.TO LORD WHARNCLIFFE, ON HIS GAME-BILL.LIEUTENANT LUFF. A COMIC BALLAD.LOVE HAS NOT EYES.A HAPPY NEW YEAR!SEA-SONG. AFTER DIBDIN.REFLECTIONS ON A NEW YEAR’S DAY.WRITTEN UNDER THE FEAR OF BAILIFFS.A FEW LINES ON COMPLETING FORTY-SEVEN.A BULL.ON THE DEATH OF THE GIRAFFE.ON THE REMOVAL OF A MENAGERIE.ON HER MAJESTY’S VISIT TO THE CITY, 1844.ON THE QUEEN’S VISIT TO THE CITY, BY A CORNHILL TRADESMAN.ON THE STATUES IN TRAFALGAR SQUARE.ON A PICTURE (407) IN THE BRITISH INSTITUTION, 1843.HEART-SPRINGS.CHANGE OF MINISTRY.A PIG IN A POKE.COMPOSED ON READING A DIARY.THE PURSUIT OF LETTERS.A REFLECTION.LAYING THE DUST.ON LIEUTENANT EYRE’S NARRATIVE OF THE DISASTERS AT CABUL.THE SUPERIORITY OF MACHINERY.PARTY SPIRIT.LORD B——.TRAITORS’ AIMS.ON A CERTAIN LOCALITY.ON THE ART-UNIONS.A MORNING THOUGHT.ON A CERTAIN EQUESTRIAN STATUE AT THE ROYAL EXCHANGE.ON A DAGUERREOTYPE PORTRAIT OF A LADY.SUGGESTIONS BY STEAM.PUNISHMENT OF SUICIDES.ATHOL BROSE.ON THE DEPRECIATED MONEY.ON MRS. PARKES’S PAMPHLET.AN EXPLANATION BY ONE OF THE LIVERY.ON THE NEW HALF-FARTHINGS.THE SURPLICE QUESTION. BY A BENEDICT.THE EPPING HUNT. “HUNT’S ROASTED——”JACK HALL.MISS KILMANSEGG AND HER PRECIOUS LEG. A GOLDEN LEGEND.MISS KILMANSEGG AND HER PRECIOUS LEG. A GOLDEN LEGEND. (continued 2)JOHN TROT. A BALLAD.THE WIDOW.“DON’T YOU SMELL FIRE?”THE WEE MAN. A ROMANCE.“THE LAST MAN.”BACKING THE FAVOURITE.THE BALLAD OF “SALLY BROWN AND BEN THE CARPENTER.”FAITHLESS SALLY BROWN.LOVE.AS IT FELL UPON A DAY.A FAIRY TALE.THE FALL OF THE DEER. [FROM AN OLD MS.]TIM TURPIN, A PATHETIC BALLAD.THE MONKEY-MARTYR. A FABLE.CRANIOLOGY.A SAILOR’S APOLOGY FOR BOW-LEGS.THE STAG-EYED LADY. A MOORISH TALE.FAITHLESS NELLY GRAY. A PATHETIC BALLAD.THE SEA-SPELL.THE DEMON-SHIP.MARY’S GHOST. A PATHETIC BALLAD.ODE TO MR. BRUNEL.ANACREONTIC. FOR THE NEW YEAR.A WATERLOO BALLAD.COCKLE v. CACKLE.PLAYING AT SOLDIERS. “WHO’LL SERVE THE KING?”“NAPOLEON’S MIDNIGHT REVIEW.” A NEW VERSION.ODE TO DR. KITCHENER.THE CIGAR.AN ANCIENT CONCERT. BY A VENERABLE DIRECTOR.A REPORT FROM BELOW.THE LAST WISH.THE DEVIL’S ALBUM.A VALENTINE. THE WEATHER. TO P. MURPHY, ESQ., M.N.S.CONVEYANCING.THE ANGLER’S FAREWELL.A BLOW UP.THE SCHOOLMASTER’S MOTTO.THE KANGAROOS. A FABLE.I CANNOT BEAR A GUN.TRIMMER’S EXERCISE, FOR THE USE OF CHILDREN.AN ADDRESS TO THE STEAM WASHING COMPANY.LETTER OF REMONSTRANCE FROM BRIDGET JONES TO THE NOBLEMEN AND GENTLEMEN FORMING THE WASHING COMMITTEE.THE BLUE BOAR.A FLYING VISIT.A ROW AT THE OXFORD ARMS.A TABLE OF ERRATA. (HOSTESS LOQUITUR.)THE GREEN MAN.BEN BLUFF. A PATHETIC BALLAD.SALLY SIMPKIN’S LAMENT; OR, JOHN JONES’S KIT-CAT-ASTROPHE.I’M GOING TO BOMBAY.JOHN JONES. A PATHETIC BALLAD.POMPEY’S GHOST. A PATHETIC BALLAD.TO MR. WRENCH AT THE ENGLISH OPERA HOUSE.[14]LOVE, WITH A WITNESS.LINES BY A SCHOOL-BOY.ADDRESS TO MARIA DARLINGTON ON HER RETURN TO THE STAGE.ODE TO R. W. ELLISTON, ESQ., THE GREAT LESSEE!SHOOTING PAINS.THE DUEL. A SERIOUS BALLAD.DOG-GREL VERSES, BY A POOR BLIND.“UP THE RHINE.”THE COMET. AN ASTRONOMICAL ANECDOTE.MORE HULLAH-BALOO.THERE’S NO ROMANCE IN THAT.THE PAINTER PUZZLED.A TRUE STORY.THE LOGICIANS. AN ILLUSTRATION.LITTLE O’P.—AN AFRICAN FACT.THE ASSISTANT DRAPERS’ PETITION.SYMPTOMS OF OSSIFICATION.A CUSTOM-HOUSE BREEZE.← EDITORIAL NOTE.REPLY TO A PASTORAL POET. →
