TALKING THROUGH THE HAT

The not uncommon saying, “You are talking through your hat!” Must have come from old Korea, where they’re quite adept in that. All the head-gear’s telescopic in the ancient Hermit-land, And may be shot up at pleasure when you meet a noble grand. For a commoner it’s lowered; even then ’tis not so small, For it’s three feet in diameter and seven inches tall. Say you’re walking of a morning in an old Korean street, And a grandly hatted gentleman you happen for to meet; Should his covering be yellow, with a kind of toadstool brim, You may know he is in mourning, and may straight condole with him. His may be a recent sorrow, or persistence of an old; But in tones of buff and amber his bereavement will be told. Turn a corner and, advancing, you may see a smiling face, Topped by hat bedecked with jewels or set off with beaded lace. If the trimming’s long and ample and is tied beneath the chin, You may ask a loan of money and the favor hope to win. Such adornment means prosperity and great success in life; Or the stranger may be happy and have chosen well his wife. Should the morning be uncertain and the wind a wavering one, With a mass of gathering shadows and capricious gleams of sun, From the hats of certain persons skirts of paper may depend, For to serve them as umbrellas, should a sudden storm descend. The Korean Weather Bureau thus is organized, you see, And may be by all consulted, safe from any form of fee. If you’re bidden to a party in the Land of Morning Calm, You may proudly bear the missive in your hat of braided palm. Thus your status in society is settled once for all, And you’re sure to be invited if Dame Grundy gives a ball. Hats may also serve as bill-boards, and upon them you may post Such a bit of news or gossip as may interest you most. In Korea, then, the head-gear’s the essential thing in life; But a man may not assume one till he’s sought him out a wife. Hats accompany betrothal, as with marriage goes a ring, And the safely plighted lover hymns of joy may fitly sing. Scorn a woman in Korea, and the sex your scorn repays, For with ribboned pigtail hanging, you go hatless all your days.