SIX

Standing in the glaring afternoon sunlight a few minutes later, her eyes focused on the shimmering blue water, Peggy wished she had begged off guard duty during free swim. It was difficult to concentrate on the swimmers when her thoughts kept flashing back to those last few minutes—seconds, actually—in the cabin.

What would Mike think, Peggy wondered. What could she think, being the kind of person she was?

And Lilian. Peggy blushed, thinking of how self-conscious she had been about baring her body, about being touched. Surely, after Lilian had walked in on that massaging bit, Peggy’s jumpy reactions must have put suspicions into the shrewd Lilian’s head. After all, what was out of the ordinary in visible nudity, in being helped to dress or undress, at a camp teeming with girls of all ages?

Peggy bit her lip. It served her right. Those feelings of lust and curiosity of hers had been wholly evil, noxiously twisted in a way that deserved scorn and punishment.

Yet she was quite convinced by now that something could be wrong with her. That bliss during the night, real or dreamed. That pleasure in the knowing touch of Mike’s hands. That hypersensitivity about her body exposed to Lilian. These made it imperative, it seemed to Peggy, that somehow she learned the truth about herself.

Peggy forced herself to concentrate on the youngsters in the roped-off “crib”—the section reserved for weak swimmers. Their shrill voices, as they frolicked and splashed, made them sound like a flock of birds.

The brilliant sun beat down on Peggy’s bare back and hair, burning her skin and making her scalp hot and sticky. Her eyes skimmed the crystal water, traveling past the swimmers, out to the dark center where you could dive to icy depths that the sun could not reach. Soon she would go in for a dip and get rid of that liniment smell. Her shoulder did feel much better.

Peggy snapped to attention. Some of the girls had started a game of water tag. This was allowed, but always threatened trouble: a collision, an upset, an unexpected gulp of lake water going down the wrong pipe and leaving a girl gasping. Peggy followed the proceedings with an alert eye as the kids squealed and splashed and dodged in all directions. Shrill cries and laughter floated upward.

Peggy smiled involuntarily at sight of the merriment, but her attention was soon drawn to another bunch of girls, somewhat older, swimming in from the diving raft. One slick blond head was falling behind, and the strokes were labored. Peggy squinted against the sun. She recognized the head as that of Susie Edison. Suddenly the child threw up a hand, seemed to slip backward in the water. In a moment she was submerged. She surfaced, lifted her other hand wildly, disappeared again.

Peggy blew three sharp blasts on her whistle.

In a bound, Peggy had leaped from the dock and was wading through the crib to deep water. At the sound of the whistle, as trained, the campers stopped all activity, pulled in to shore or stopped where they were, treading water.

On station far on the other side of the raft, Mike heard the signal and came piling in with the boat, oars flying furiously. Dorothy, the tall riding instructress, was on raft duty. She took a long, racing dive, crawled hard toward the sinking child.

But it was Peggy who got there first. She surface-dived, caught Susie about four feet down, easily evaded the hold the child tried to clamp on her. Working from behind, Peggy twisted Susie into a cross-arm carry, kicked to the surface and began pulling her to safety.

At the dock, Mike took Susie into her arms, ran with her to the bathhouse. Dorothy and Peggy were close behind, along with dozens of frightened campers and counselors.

“Ella, see if you can find Miss Beth. She might be in the Pillbox,” Peggy called to one of them. “You go too, Joyce. Look in the lounge. Tell Miss Beth to come right away. The rest of you stand back. Keep away from the bathhouse—”

But the Intermediate group was already out of the water and thronging the interior of the bathhouse; they were scheduled for extra softball practice. They were standing around in every stage of dress and undress, drying themselves with towels, combing hair, sorting out shoes, giggling and squabbling with each other.

“Out, everybody!” yelled Dorothy. But the girls only backed up a bit as they caught sight of Mike carrying Susie. Peggy had found an air mattress. Susie was lowered to it. Moaning and sputtering, she lay with her legs doubled up, her hands clutching at her stomach.

Dorothy herded the Intermediates through the broad doorway, took up guard in front of it.

By this time Susie was sitting up, still sputtering and gasping, but strong enough to rub her eyes with her fists. “My belly,” she moaned. “It hurts.”

“Stomach cramp,” muttered Mike.

At that moment Beth walked in.

She was wearing a short, nubby beach coat over a one-piece orange swimsuit.

“What happened?” she wanted to know at once. Before Peggy had finished explaining, Beth had pulled off the coat and was wrapping it around the girl.

“Let’s get her dried off and warmed up before anything else,” Beth said. On her knees, she spoke reassuring to Susie. “As soon as you get out of this wet suit, you’ll feel better.” Beth fumbled under the robe, her fingers working expertly with fastenings. “Lift your foot,” she said. Then she pulled the cold, wet garment from Susie’s cramped and shivering body.

“Listen,” Mike said gruffly. “I’ve got to get back to the water. All the kids are waiting to resume the swim.”

“Go ahead,” Beth said. “Susie will be all right. Peggy will help me.”

“Come on, Dorothy,” Mike said at the doorway. She and the riding counselor, shooing away curious children at the doorway, walked off along the dock. Dorothy was not usually assigned to water duty, Peggy knew. Probably the tall girl was substituting for some counselor whose “day off” it was.

Peggy appreciatively watched Beth work. She had grabbed a towel from a nearby bench and was briskly rubbing the nude quivering body, all the while talking softly and soothingly. Susie relaxed a bit.

When she was completely dried, Beth helped her up and steered her toward the bench. But once more Susie’s arms clutched her aching belly. Beth attempted to force Susie back on the wooden bench but on second thought Beth herself sat down, lifted the chubby ten-year-old to her lap.

Beth held Susie close, urging the wet head to her shoulder, for a moment touching a cheek to the damp blond hair. She stroked tenderly, rocked back and forth, crooned and patted. She touched her lips to Susie’s neck.

The girl’s whimpering stopped.

“That’s my girl. Put your arm around my neck,” Beth said then, taking the arm from where Susie was still clutching herself. “You hold on to me, and I’ll make your tummy feel better,” the nurse promised.

The girl forced herself to keep her arm from her body. She clung desperately to Beth. Beth’s hand went under the warm robe, parting it slightly. For one second she stroked the virgin softness of the girl’s cramped belly. Then she began to rub. Her fingers massaged and kneaded, the heel of her hand pushed into the tightened muscle, forcing some of the pain away.

Susie lay quietly in Beth’s arms as the nurse worked, her head still resting on Beth’s shoulder. Her bare legs dangled from the loosened robe, her feet not quite touching the floor.

“Does that feel better?” Beth asked.

Susie nodded. One hand wiped away drying tears from her eyes. She snuggled closer to Beth, who kissed the creased brow.

“Can’t I do anything?” Peggy asked.

“I don’t think so, Peggy. I would guess the cramp is about gone.” She gave Susie a hug. “Think you can walk now, dear?” she asked.

Susie sat up straighter. She squirmed from Beth’s lap and tried to stand.

“Can you walk up the hill?”

“I g-guess so, Miss Beth.”

“We’ll be all right,” Beth told Peggy. “You can get back to duty.” Her voice full of somewhat overdone cheer, she said, “Susie’s going to have a little medicine, lie down in the Pillbox a while, and by this evening shell be as good as new. Right, Susie?”

“I-I guess so, Miss Beth.”

The pair started slowly up the hill, Beth with her arm around Susie, half-carrying the girl.

By the time Peggy got back to her post the swim period was almost over. She waved to Dorothy, standing on the dock, to tell her everything was under control. Peggy kept her eyes on the swimmers, forcing herself to stay alert. The water looked cool and inviting, and Peggy considered a quick dip after the campers were out, but as soon as Mike’s whistle blew a few minutes later signaling the end of the session, Peggy hurried from the dock. During her years at camp she had seen too many kids pulled out of the water to be overly concerned. Besides, she felt Susie was in good hands. Peggy narrowed her eyes. Maybe the hands were too good.

Peggy sighed. She would postpone considering that angle. All she wanted to do right now was avoid seeing Mike.

That’s why Peggy hurriedly left the waterfront. Still vivid in her mind was the scene in the cabin with Lilian and Mike glaring at each other. No, Peggy did not yet want to face Mike. For Peggy was embarrassed. Even more embarrassed now than she had been earlier that morning. Because at that time she had been embarrassed for herself. Now she was embarrassed for the redhead.

* * *

At dinner, Peggy went through her serving routine mechanically. Afterward, as the campers moved into the various game rooms and the library, and the counselors migrated to the lounge, Peggy ambled out of the lodge, began walking without direction.

“Going my way?” came a voice from the pines, a voice as warm as the balmy night air.

Peggy raised her eyes.

Standing ahead of her on the path was Beth.

Chagrin shot through Peggy. She had wanted to be alone. But the feeling swiftly disappeared. Beth’s obviously sincere pleasure in running into Peggy was contagious. As she approached the nurse, who looked neat and efficient as usual in her white outfit, Peggy could not help responding to the friendly smile that touched her lips.

“Things were so hectic at the waterfront today,” she said, “that I didn’t have a chance to ask how your date was.”

They moved off along the path, side by side.

“It went okay,” Peggy said.

“You don’t sound very enthusiastic.”

Peggy hesitated. Why not tell the truth? “We broke up,” she blurted. “For good, this time.”

“Peggy. You were so happy when he called—”

“Not really. I just thought I missed him, I guess.” She was silent a minute, thinking that Ted had not changed, that she had known he would not but had hoped that he might have. Hoped because she had needed him, needed him to talk to, to cling to rather than be sucked into the quicksands of evil threatening to engulf her. And he had disappointed her, leaving her still needing and desperately wanting someone to cling to, to rely on, if only for the sake of her own sanity. She sighed. “I don’t know, Beth. I’m at a loss about a couple of things. In fact, I feel pretty damned confused.”

Beth held a branch out of Peggy’s way, then let go when the girl had passed. It snapped back into place, the leaves swishing. “Why not come to the Pillbox with me?” the nurse invited. “I have to take care of a poison-ivy case, but then we can have some coffee, if you like. And if you want to talk, I’ll be glad to listen.”

A grateful feeling swept over Peggy.

* * *

Inside the infirmary, Peggy watched Beth check the prurient splotches on the camper’s leg, administer a salve, and send the girl away with instructions to leave the irritated area alone and stay out of the water.

“I’ll give Miss Judy some medicine for you,” the nurse said at the door. “You remind her tonight before you go to bed to put it on.” She shook her head. “Acres and acres of grass and woods, and she walks into one three-foot patch of poison ivy.” She gazed around at the compact, gleaming white clinic. “Come into my hideaway,” she invited. “It’s not so repulsively sterile.”

She led the way into the room that served as her living quarters. Peggy sank into an armchair, while Beth fussed at the hot plate.

Peggy’s eyes toured the small box of a place, sparsely furnished, but less rugged and more comfortable than the usual camp quarters. The walls were painted a cheerful yellow. The two windows were curtained. In one corner there was a neatly made bed topped by a flowered spread. A covered card table and two folding chairs served as a kitchen set, and in another corner were visible a half-refrigerator, a hot plate that sat on an all-purpose cabinet, and a sink.

Beth turned from her preparations, slipped off her white shoes and stockings, and stepped out of the white uniform. Peggy was surprised to note that underneath, Beth still wore the orange swimsuit in which she had appeared at the bathhouse. “Things have been so hectic,” Beth said, noting Peggy’s glance, “that I didn’t have time to change.”

“How is Susie?”

“Oh, fine. I sent her back to the cabin. These kids snap back so fast they make you dizzy.” Beth unpinned her jaunty nurse’s cap and stowed it, along with the rest of the uniform, in her closet. She donned a pair of bedroom slippers, then lowered herself into an armchair the twin of the one Peggy occupied.

Peggy marveled at the creamy perfection of the nurse’s bare shoulders. Except for faint marks where straps had once masked Beth’s back from the sun, her skin was pure golden smoothness. No, not really golden, Peggy thought, but more a hue with just a hint of sunshine, a whisper, as though the sunlight had been teasing the exposed nudity. There was a mellow quality to the skin, and a ripe softness in the quality of the nurse’s figure. Her breasts were full and richly curved. There was a maturity to the comely hips. Her legs, crossed in front of her, were unusually long but shapely rather than slim.

“Well, Peggy,” she said, smiling, “do you want to tell me all about it?”

How explain to Beth? Better not even attempt it, Peggy thought.

“Oh—it’s just what we’ve already spoken of. New surroundings, new people, new rules and responsibilities.” She added thoughtfully, “And new experiences—just confusing—and a bit frustrating at times.”

“Is this camp much different from those at which you’ve worked?”

“Some. The place where I was last year is more a children’s resort than a camp; very plush. On the other hand, I’ve lived in tents and had to pump my own water—it was like one long overnight hike. This is between the two extremes. Also,” she continued, “they were both co-ed.” Peggy was thoughtful a moment. “You know, it made a difference to the girls—the counselors, I mean. There they were always primping, changing clothes. They always wore lipstick. No one would think of going in the water without a bathing cap. They weren’t neater, or anything—but more conscientious about appearance than they are here. Except, of course, some of them. Girls—well, girls like Mike, who don’t really care about guys.”

“Hey! What makes you think Mike doesn’t?”

Beth, I know Mike is a lesbian. I know you are, too. Why not say it, Peggy thought. Just blurt it out. No—no—probably Beth would die of shame....

Peggy shrugged. “Mike’s not the type. I knew some girls like her in school. They—” She stopped, confused and suddenly embarrassed. How much could she say to Beth? Just how much did Beth already know? Apart from being shamed, would she be angry or hurt if Peggy mentioned what she had overheard at the bathhouse—and what had happened since?

The girl wondered, wavered, trying to decide whether to take the nurse into her confidence or remain silent.

Then came the sound of the screen door banging. A meek voice queried, “Miss Beth—are you here?” Peggy sighed, relieved of the necessity to make a choice. The moment for unburdening herself was past.

“Excuse me, Peggy,” the nurse said, rising. She walked out to the clinic, Peggy following out of curiosity. “Well, look who’s here,” Beth said, greeting a pair of youngsters at the doorway. One towheaded girl, rather chubby and about eleven years old, hung back, tears in her eyes. The other, of the same age but with pipestem legs and long brown hair, spoke up shyly.

“Carol’s sick, Miss Beth.”

“And you brought her here? That’s nice of you, Doris. Come inside. Carol, can you tell me what’s wrong?”

“I—I don’t feel well. I really don’t,” the towheaded one said timidly.

Beth took them into the clinic. In a moment Carol was perched nervously on a tall metal stool, feet dangling, thermometer protruding from her mouth, wide eyes focused on her friend standing next to her.

“Is she okay, Miss Beth?”

“Oh—” Beth seemed to consider the question seriously. “I think probably she’ll live.”

This evoked a grin from the patient, a giggle from her friend.

Beth checked the thermometer, laid her hand on the girl’s cheek and forehead. Finally she spoke: “I think you’d better run along, Doris. I want to keep Carol a few minutes more, and you’ll lose all your free time if you stay here.”

Doris hesitated. “Well—if she’s not very sick—”

Peggy noticed a faint smile cross Beth’s face as she dropped her arm around the girl’s shoulders and escorted her to the door.

“No,” Beth said, “she isn’t very sick at all—that’s why you don’t have to stay. See?”

The screen door closed behind Doris. Beth approached the other girl.

“Get off the stool and sit there,” Beth said, indicating a more comfortable chair. “Now tell me,” she said when Carol was seated, “where do you feel bad?”

Carol put her hand to her forehead, holding it for a minute. Then she said, her blue eyes wide, “All over. My head aches and my belly—gee, it feels funny.” She grimaced, as though in great pain. “Will I have to go home, Miss Beth?”

“Do you want to?”

“Well....” She seemed to ponder solemnly. “Oh, Miss Beth, I do feel awful—”

And unexpectedly the girl burst into tears.

Peggy saw the troubled, pitying expression that fleeted over Beth’s face. She ran to the chair, slipped into it with Carol raised to a sitting position on the nurse’s lap. She pressed Carol to her bosom, hugged and kissed her. “There, child,” Beth crooned, rocking back and forth. “You don’t have to cry. You’ll be all right.”

She stroked Carol’s dangling legs, patted her, soothed her just as Peggy had seen Susie soothed. After a time, Carol stopped sobbing and began to hug and kiss Beth.

The kids all love her, Peggy thought. I guess that’s because she loves them. She’s so warm—so affectionate—

Beth now pushed Carol to her feet, and herself stood up, her face a bit flushed. She stepped over to the medicine chest. “I think if you take these pills, Carol, you’ll be better by morning.”

Beth handed her two pills and a glass of water. She waited a minute after the girl swallowed the medicine, and said, “I bet you feel better already, don’t you?”

“Kinda.”

Beth tried to suppress a smile. “You run along now. If you still feel sick after lunch tomorrow, let me know. But,” she added, “I hope you’re okay. Tomorrow night is the beach party, you know.”

“That’s right! I almost forgot.”

“So you try to feel better.”

“I will,” Carol said vehemently. “May I go now?”

“Sure.” Beth walked with her to the door, then returned to her own room, still smiling, Peggy at her side.

“What was that all about?” asked Peggy.

“Homesickness. There’s an epidemic going around.”

Peggy laughed, and nodded. “Oh, I should have known. I’ve seen that dread disease in action before.”

“It’s always the same—one girl gets homesick,” the nurse said, “and receives some extra attention, then suddenly a throng of girls have all kinds of symptoms. It’s amazing.”

“Beth, if you knew Carol wasn’t really sick, why did you bother with her?”

“Why not? Health is my job—including mental health, the way I see it. If two colored placebos and five minutes of my time can boost a kid’s morale, it’s worth the effort.”

Peggy wished that two pills—no particular color—could help her.

Or if not pills, then those five minutes of Beth’s time.

Why not? Why couldn’t she turn to Beth? The nurse was older, wiser. A knowing and sympathetic woman. Someone to lean on, yes—to cling to, as Peggy had hoped to be able to cling to Ted. No doubt she could dispel Peggy’s dread of the future.

“Does your job include keeping the counselors happy as well as the kids?”

“You bet!” Beth’s smile grew broader. “Why? Are you homesick, too?”

“It’s not that simple, believe me,” Peggy said. She was remembering, once again, how the nurse had tried to defend her, protect her from harm, during that horrible nocturnal argument in the bathhouse. Yes, Beth was her friend. Even at the risk of acute embarrassment for Beth, of letting her know that her lesbianism was no secret, should not Peggy speak up? How else learn who the other girl in the bathhouse had been—who had crawled in and seduced Peggy’s drugged body—who and how many were indulging in dangerous and hateful practices in this camp?

Dangerous and hateful, surely; nevertheless, the thought of love between women sent a swift stab through Peggy’s flesh. Her blood stirred. Guiltily, she took hold of herself. She would speak—right now—

But just as when previously she had nerved herself to this point, an interruption came. The same kind of interruption.

Beth’s name was shouted from outside. Somebody was again hammering on the screen door. Beth rushed out to answer.

Peggy heard a breathless counselor tell the nurse to come with her immediately. “One of the Juniors fell down the lodge steps,” she panted. “Pam said not to move her until you got there.”

Beth hurried back into her room, grabbed a cardigan sweater and a flashlight. She seemed to have forgotten Peggy was there. In a couple of seconds she was gone.

Peggy sat motionless, feeling peculiarly serene. She was illogically sure that the fallen girl would be all right, once Beth got at her. Beth had magic in her fingers, a personality warming and healing. Lesbian or not, what a wonderful person Beth was.

Finally Peggy rose, took Beth’s cup and her own and walked to the sink.

After she had rinsed the dishes and set them to drain, her eyes swept the homey room once more. Then she left, filled with an inner glow.

Yes. Beth had defended her once, when she had thought Peggy could not defend herself. She would do it again, if called upon. That was all Peggy had to know. There was someone on her side.