Volume 1 — A C. MERY TALYS. (continued 2)

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and more wery of her nowe than I was before, whan she was domme; wherfore I praye you teche me a medycyne to modefye her, that she speke nat so moche. This other answered and sayd thus: syr, I am a deuyll of hell; but I am one of them that haue leste power there. All be it yet I haue power to make a woman to speke, but and if a woman begyn ones to speke, I, nor all the deuyls in hell that haue the more power, be nat able to make a woman to be styll, nor to cause her to leaue her spekynge.

By thys tale ye may note, that a man ofte tymes desyreth and coueteth moche that thynge, that ofte turneth to his displeasure.

¶ Of the Proctour of Arches that had the lytel wyfe. lxi.

¶ One askyd a Proctour of the Arches, lately before maryed, why he chose so lytel a wyfe; whiche answered: because he had a texte sayenge thus: ex duobus malis minus[105] est eliendum, that is to saye in englyshe, amonge euyll thinges the leste is to be chosen.

¶ Of ii nonnes that were shryuen of one preste. lxii.

¶ In the tyme of Lente there came two nonnes to saynte Johnns in London bycause of the great pardon, there to be confessed. Of the whyche nonnes, the one was a young lady and the other was olde. This yonge lady chose fyrst her confessour, and confessed her that she hadde synned in lechery. The confessour asked, with whome it was; she sayd it was with a lustye gallante. He demaunded where it was; she sayd: in a plesaunte grene herber. He asked further: whan it was. She sayd: in the mery moneth of Maye. Than sayd the confessour this wyse: a fayre yonge lady, with a lusty galante, in a plesaunte herber, and in the mery moneth of Maye! Ye dyd but your kynde! Nowe, by my truthe, God forgyue you, and I do; and so she departed. And incontynent the olde nonne mette with her, askynge her howe she lyked her confessour; whiche sayd he was the best gostly father that euer she hadde and the most easyest in penaunce-geuyng. For comfort wherof this other nonne went to the same confessour and shroue her lykewyse, that she had synned in lechery. And he demaunded with whome. Whiche sayde: with an old frere. He asked where. She said: in her olde cloyster. He asked: what season. She sayde: in Lente. Than the confessour sayd: an old ——, to lye with an old frere, in her olde cloyster, and in the holy tyme of Lente! by cockes body,[106] if God forgyue the, yet wyll I neuer forgyue the. Which wordes caused her to departe all sadde and sore abasshed.

By this tale men may lerne, that a vicyous acte is more abhomynable in one person than in another, in one season than in another, and in one place than in an other.[107]

¶ Of the esquyer that sholde have ben made knyght. lxiii.

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and the trumpettes began to blowe, a yonge squyer of Englande rydynge on a lusty courser of whych horse the noyse of the trumpettes so prycked the corage, that the squyer could nat him retayne; so that agaynste his wyll he ranne vpon hys enemyes. Whyche squyer, seynge none other remedy, sette his spere in the rest and rode throughe the thyckest of hys enemyes, and in conclusyon had good fortune, and saued hym selfe alyue without hurte: and the Englysshe hooste folowed and had the victorye. And after, whan the felde was wonne, this kynge Edwarde called the squyre and badde hym knele down, and he wolde make hym knyght, because he valyauntely was the man that day, which with the moost couragyous stomake aduentured fyrste vpon theyr enemyes. To whome the squyer thus answered: if it lyke your grace to make any one knyghte therfore, I beseche you to make my horse knyght, and nat me: for certes it was his dede, and nat myne, and full sore agaynst my wyll. Whiche answere the kynge herynge refrayned to promote hym to the order of knyghthode, reputynge hym in maner but for a cowarde; and euer after fauored hym the lesse therfore.

By this tale a man may lerne, howe it is wysedome when he is in good credence to kepe hym[self] therein, and in no wyse to dysable[108] hym selfe to moche.

¶ Of him that wolde gette the maystrye of his wyfe. lxiv.

¶ A yonge man, late maryed to a wyfe, thought it was good polecye to gette the maystrye of her in the begynnynge, came to her, the potte sethynge ouer the fyre, all thoughe the meate therein were nat ynoughe soden [and] commaunded[109] her to take the potte fro the fyre; whiche answered and said that the meate was nat redy to eate. And he said agayne: I wyll haue it taken of for my pleasure. This good woman, lothe yet to offende hym, sette the potte besyde the fyre, as he badde. And anone after he commaunded her to sette the potte behynde the dore, and she said agayne: ye be nat wyse therin. But he precysely said, it shuld be so, as he bad. And she gentylly againe dyd his commaundement. This man, yet nat satisfied, comaunded her to set the pot a-hygh vpon the henne roste. What! quod the wyfe, I trowe ye be madde. And he fyerslye than comaunded her to sette it there, or els he sayd she shulde repente it. She, somwhat afrayde to moue his pacyence, toke a ladder, and sette it to the rost[110] and wente her selfe vp the ladder, and toke the potte in her hande, prayeng her husbande than to holde the ladder faste for [fear of] slydynge; whiche so dyd. And whan the husbande loked up, and sawe the potte stande there on hyght, he sayd thus: Lo! nowe standeth the potte there, as I wolde haue it. This wyfe hearynge

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¶ Of the penytent that sayd the shepe of God have mercy upon me. lxv.

¶ A certayne confessour, in the holy tyme of Lente, enioyned his penytente to saye dayly for his penaunce this prayer: Agnus Dei miserere mei, whiche was as moche to saye in englysshe as the Lambe of God haue mercye vpon me. This penytente acceptynge his penaunce departed, and that tyme twelfe monthe after came agayne to be confessed of the same confessoure, whiche demaunded of him whether he had fulfylled his penaunce that he hym enioyned the laste yeare. Than he sayde thus: ye, syr, I thanke God I haue fulfylled it. For I haue sayd thus to daye in the mornynge and so dayly: the shepe of God haue mercy vpon me. To whome the confessour said: nay, I bad the say: Agnus Dei miserere mei, that is, the Lamb of God haue mercy vpon me. Ye, syr, quod the penytente, ye say truthe; that was the laste yeare. But now it is a twelfemonthe since, and it is a shepe by this tyme. Therfore I muste nedes say nowe: the shepe of God haue mercy vpon me.

By this tale ye may perceyue, that if holy scripture be expowned to the lay people onely in the lytterall sence, peraduenture it shall do lytell good.

¶ Of the husbande that sayd he was John Daw. lxvi.

¶ It happened dyuers to be in communicacyon, amonge whome there was a curate or a parysshe preest and one John Dawe, a parisshon of his; whiche ii had communicacyon more busy than other in thys maner. This preest thought that one myght nat by felynge knowe one from a nother in the darke. John Dawe his parysshone, [being] of the contrary opinyon, layde with his curate for a wager xl pence; whervpon the parysshe preest, wyllynge to proue his wager, wente to this John Dawes house in the euenynge, and sodenly gate hym to bedde with his wyfe; where, whan he began to be somwhat busye, she felynge his crowne sayde shortely with a loude voyce: by God! thou art nat John Dawe. That hearynge, her husbande answered: thou sayest trouthe, wyfe, I John Dawe am here.[111] Therfore, mayster persone, gyue me the money: for ye haue loste your xl. pence.

By this tale ye may lerne to perceyue, that it is no wysedome for a man to be couetous of wynnynge of any wager to put in ieopardye a thynge, that maye turne him to greatter displeasure.

¶ Of the scoler of Oxforde that proued by souestry ii chykens iii. lxvii.

¶ A ryche Frankelyn in the contrey hauynge by his wyfe but one chylde and no mo, for the great affeccyon that he had to his sayd chylde founde hym at Oxforde to schole by the space of ii or iii yere. Thys yonge scoler, in a vacacyon[112] tyme, for his disporte came home to his father. It fortuned afterwarde on a nyght, the father, the mother and the sayd yonge scoler

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I haue studyed souestry, and by that scyence I can proue, that these ii chekyns in the dysshe be thre chekyns.[113] Mary, sayde the father, that wolde I fayne se. The scoller toke one of the chekyns in his hande and said: lo! here is one chekyn, and incontynente he toke bothe the chekyns in his hande iointely and sayd: here is ii chekyns; and one and ii maketh iii: ergo here is iii chekyns. Than the father toke one of the chekyns to him selfe, and gaue another to his wyfe, and sayd thus: lo! I wyll haue one of the chekyns to my parte, and thy mother shal haue a nother, and because of thy good argumente thou shalte haue the thyrde to thy supper: for thou gettyst no more meate here at this tyme; whyche promyse the father kepte, and so the scoller wente without his supper.

By this tale men may se, that it is great foly to put one to scole to lerne any subtyll scyence, whiche hathe no naturall wytte.

¶ Of the frere that stale the podynge.[114] lxviii.

¶ A frere of London there was that on a Sonday in the mornynge yerly[115] in the somer season came fro London to Barnette to make a colacyon,[116] and was there an houre before hye masse began: and bycause he wolde come to the churche honestly, he wente fyrst to an ale house there to wype his shoes and to make him selfe clenly. In the whyche house there were podynges to sell, and dyuers folkes there brekynge theyr faste, and eatynge podynges. But the frere brake his faste in a secrete place in the same house. This frere sone after came to the church, and by lycence of the curate entered into the pulpet to make a colacyon or sermon. And in his sermon there he rebuked sore the maner of them that met to breke theyr faste on the Sonday before hye masse, and said it was called the deuyls blacke brekefast. And with that worde spekynge, as he dyd caste his armes out to make his countenaunce, there fell a podyng out of his sleue, whiche he hym selfe had stolen a lytell before in the same alehouse; and whan the people saw that, and specially they that brake theyr faste there the same mornynge, and knewe well that the wyfe had complayned howe she had one of her podynges stolen, they laughed so moche at the frere, that he incontynente wente downe out of the pulpet for shame.

By this tale a man may se that, whan a precher dothe rebuke any synne or vyce wherin he is knowen openly to be gyltie him selfe, suche prechynge shall lytell edefye to the people.

¶ Of the frankelyns sonne that cam to take ordres. lxix.

¶ A certayne scoler there was, intendynge to be made a preest, whyche hadde nother great wytte nor lernynge, came to the bysshoppe to take orders, whose folysshenes the bysshoppe perceyuynge, because he was a ryche mannes sonne wolde nat very strongly oppose him, but asked him thys questyon: Noye had thre sonnes, Sem, Came, and Japhete; nowe tell me, who was Japhetes father? But the scoler was all abashed, and knew nat what to answere: wherefore the bysshoppe sayde: get the home and consider awhile, and come agayne and soyle[117] me this questyon, and thou shalt haue orders. This scoler so departed and came home to his father, and shewed hym the cause of the hynderaunce of his orders. Hys father, beyng angry at his folisshenes, thought to teche hym the solucyon of this questyon by a familier example, and called his spanyels before hym, and sayd thus: Thou knowest well, Colle my dogge hathe these iii. whelpes, Ryg, Trygge and Tryboll. Muste nat all my dogges nedes be syre to Tryboll? Than quod the scoler: by God! father, ye [have] sayd trouthe. Let me alone nowe; ye shall se me do well ynoughe the nexte tyme. Wherfore on the morowe he wente to the bysshoppe agayne, and sayd he coulde soyle his questyon. Than sayd the bysshoppe: Noye had thre sonnes, Sem, Came,[118] and Japhete. Now, tell me who was Japhetes father. Mary, syr, quod the scoler, if it plese youre lordeshyppe, Colle my fathers dogge.

By this tale a man may lerne, that it is but loste tyme to teche a fole any thynge, whiche hathe no wytte to perceyue it.

¶ Of the husbandman that lodgyd the frere in his own bedde. lxx.

¶ It fortuned so that a frere, late in the euenynge, desyred lodgynge of a poore man of the countrey, the whiche for lacke of other lodgyng, glad to harborowe the frere, lodged him in his owne bedde. And after, he and his wyfe, the frere beynge a slepe, came and laye in the same bedde; and in the mornynge after the poore man rose and went to the market, leauyng the frere in the bedde with his wyfe. And as he wente he smiled and laughte to hym selfe; wherfore hys neyghbours demaunded of hym, why he so smyled. He answered and sayd: I laughe to thynke, howe shamefaste the frere shal be whanne he waketh, whome I left in bedde with my wyfe.

By this tale a man may lerne, that he that ouershoteth hym selfe doth folysshely: yet he is more fole to shewe it openly.

¶ Of the preste that wolde say two gospels for a grote. lxxi.

¶ Somtyme there dwelled a preest in Stretforde vpon Auyne of small lernyng, which vndeuoutly sange masse and oftentymes twyse on one day. So it happened on a tyme, after his seconde masse was done in shorte space, nat a myle from Stretforde there mette with hym dyuers marchaunte men whiche wolde haue harde masse, and desyred hym to synge masse and he shuld haue a grote; whiche answered them and sayd: syrs, I wyll say masse no more this day; but I wyll say you two gospels for one grote, and that is dogge chepe [for] a masse in any place in Englande.

By this tale a man may se, that they that be rude and unlerned regarde but lytell the meryte and goodness of holy prayer.

¶ Of the coutear that dyd cast the frere ouer the bote. lxxii.

Too much damaged to decypher.

¶ Of the frere that prechyd what mennys sowles were. lxxiii.

¶ A precher in pulpet whiche prechyd the worde of God, amonge other matters spake of mennes soules and sayd that the soule was so subtyll that a thousande soules myght daunce on the space of the nayle of a mannes fynger. Amonge which audyence there was a mery conceyted fellow of small deuocyon that answered and sayde thus: mayster doctour, if a thousande soules may daunce on a mannes nayle, I praye you than, where shall the pyper stande?

By this tale a man may se, that it is but foly to shewe or to teche vertue to them, that haue no pleasure nor mynde therto.

¶ Of the husbande that cryed ble under the bed. lxxiv.

¶ In London there was a certayne artifycer hauyng a fayre wife, to whom a lusty galante made pursute to accomplisshe his pleasure. This woman, denyeng, shewed the matter vnto her husband whiche, moued therewith, bad his wyfe to appoynte him a tyme to come secretly to lye with her all nyght, and with great crakes and othes sware that, agaynst his comyng, he wolde be redy harneysed and wolde put him in ieopardye of his lyfe, except he wolde make hym a great amendes. Thys nyght was then appoynted; at whiche tyme thys courtyer came at his houre, and entred in at the chamber, and set his two-hande sworde downe, and sayde these wordes: stande thou there, thou sworde, the dethe of thre men! This husbande lyenge vnder the bedde in harneys, herynge these wordes, lay still for fere. The courtyer anone gat him to bed with the wyfe about his prepensed busynesse; and within an houre or two the husbande, beynge wery of lyenge, beganne to remoue hym. The courtyer, that hearynge, asked the wyfe what thinge that was that remoued vnder the bedde; whiche, excusyng the matter, sayd it was a lytell shepe, that was wonte dayly to go about the house; and the husbande, that herynge, anone cryed ble, as it had ben a shepe. And so in conclusyon, whan the courtyer sawe his tyme, he rose and kissed the wyfe, and took his leaue and departed. And as sone as he was gone the husbande arose; and, whan the wyfe loked on him, somwhat abasshed began to make a sad countenance; and [she] sayde; alas! syr, why did you * *

The remainder of this tale is wanting.

By this tale ye may se, that he is not wyse that will put his confydence in bosters and great crakers, whiche ofte tymes wyll do but lytell, when it comes to the poynte.

¶ Of the shomaker that asked the colyer what tydynges in hell.[119] lxxv.

¶ A souter[120] syttynge in his shope, that sawe a colyer come by, deryded hym, because he was so blacke, and asked hym, what newes from hell and howe the deuyll fared. To whome the colyer answeryd hym: he was well, whan I sawe hym laste; for he was rydynge and waited but for a souter to plucke on his botes.

By this ye may se that he that vseth to deryde other folkes is somtyme him selfe more deryded and mocked.

¶ Of Seynt Peter that cryed cause bobe. lxxvi.

¶ I fynde wrytten amonge olde gestes,[121] howe God mayde Saynt Peter porter of heuen, and that God of hys goodnes, sone after his passyon, suffered many men to come to the kyngdome of Heuen with small deseruynge; at whiche tyme there was in heuen a great company of Welchemen, whyche with their crakynge and babelynge troubled all the other. Wherfore God sayde to saynte Peter, that he was wery of them, and that he wolde fayne haue them out of heuen. To whome saynte Peter sayd: Good Lorde, I warrente you, that shal be done. Wherfore saynt Peter wente out of heuen gates and cryed wyth a loud voyce Cause bobe, that is as moche to saye as rosted chese, whiche thynge the Welchemen herynge, ranne out of Heuen a great pace. And when Saynt Peter sawe them all out, he sodenly wente into Heuen, and locked the dore, and so sparred all the Welchemen out.

By this ye may se, that it is no wysdome for a man to loue or to set his mynde to moche vpon any delycate or worldely pleasure, wherby he shall lose the celestyall and eternall ioye.

¶ Of hym that aduenturyd body and soule for hys prynce. lxxvii.

¶ Two knyghtes there were which wente to a standynge fylde with theyr prynce; but one of them was confessed before he wente, but the other wente into the felde without shryfte or repentaunce. Afterwarde thys prynce wanne the fylde, and had the victory that day; wherfore he that was confessed came to the prynce, and asked an offyce and sayd that he had deserved it, for he had done good seruice and aduentured that day as farre as any man in the felde. To whome the other that was unconfessed answered and sayd: nay, by the masse, I am more worthy to haue a rewarde than he: for he aduentured but his body for your sake, for he durst nat go to the felde tyll he was confessed; but I that was unconfessed adventured my soule.[122] * * * *

The remainder of this tale is wanting.

¶ Of the parson that stale the mylners elys. lxxviii.

Too imperfect to decypher.

¶ Of the Welchman that saw one xls. better than God. lxxix.

¶ A Welchman on a tyme went to churche to be shryued, and chanced to come in euyn at the sacryng-time.[123] When he had confessed him he went home, wher one of his felowes askyd hym whether he had seen God Almighty to day; which answerd and sayd: nay, but I saw one forty shillings better.

¶ Of the frere that said dyryge for the hoggys soule. lxxx.

¶ Upon a tyme certayn women in the countrye were appoynted[124] to deryde and mokke a frere limitour, that vsed moche to trouble them; whereupon one of them, a lytyll before the frere came, tooke a hogge, and for dysport leyd it under the borde after the manner of a corse; and told the frere it was her good man and dysyred hime to say dirige for his soule. Wherefore the frere and his felaw began Placebo and Dirige and so forth, thorough the seruyse full devowtly, which the wyues so heryng could not refraine them selfe from lawghynge and went in to a lytyll parler to lawgh more at theyr pleasure. These freris somwhat suspected the cause, and quikly, or that the women were ware, lokyd under the borde, and spying[125] that it was an hog, sodenly toke it bytwene them and bare it homeward as fast as they might. The women, seyng that, ran after the frere and cryed: com agayn, maester frere, come agayne, and let it allone. Nay by my faith, quod the frere, he is a broder of ours, and therefore he must nedys be buryed in oure cloyster. And so the frerys gate the hog.

By this ye may se, that they that use to deride and mok other, somtyme it tornyth to theyre owne losse and damage.

¶ Of the parson that sayde masse of requiem for Crystes soul. lxxxi.

¶ A certayn prest there was that dwellyd in the cuntry which was not very well lernyd. Therfore on Ester-Euyn he sent his boy to the prest of the next town, that was ii. myle from thens, to know what masse he sholde synge on the morowe. This boy came to the sayd prest, and dyd his maysters errande to hym. Then quod the prest: tel thy mayster that he must * *

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masse he shuld synge on the morowe. By my trothe, quod the boy, I have forgotten it; but he bad me tell you it began * * * * Then quod the prest: I trowe thou sayest trewth: for now I remember me it is the masse of requiem: for God Almyghty dyed upon Good Fryday, and it is meet we shulde say masse for hys soule.

By thys tale ye may se, that when one fole sendyth another fole on hys errand, hys besynes folyshly sped.

¶ Of the herdeman that sayde: ryde apace, ye shall haue rayn. lxxxii.

¶ A certayne skoler of Oxenford which had studied the iudicials of astronomy, upon a tyme as he was rydyng by the way, came[126] by a herdman; and he asked thys herdman how far it was to the next town. Syr, quod the herdman, it is rather past a mile and an half; but, sir, quod he, ye nede to ryde apace: for ye shal haue a shower of rayn, or ye com thider. What, quod the skoler, maketh ye say so? There ys no token of rayn: for the cloudes be both fayr and clere. By my troth, quod the herdman, but ye shall fynd it so. The skoler then rode forth, and it chanced or he had ryden half a myle forther, there fell a good showre of rayn and[127] thys skoler was well washyd and wett to the skyn. The skoler then tornyd hym backe, and rode to the herdman, and desyryd hym to tech him that connyng. Nay, quod the herdman, I wyll not tech you my connynge for nought. Then the skoler profferyde hym xl shyllyngs to teche hym that connynge. The herdman, after he had reseyuyd hys money, sayd thus: syr, se you not yonder blacke ewe with the whyte face? Yes, quod the skoler. Suerly, quod the herdman, when she daunsith and holdeth up her tayle, ye shall haue a showre of rayn within half an howre after.[128]

By this ye may se, that the connyng of herdmen and shepardes, as touchinge alteracyons of weders, is more sure than the iudicials of astronomy.

¶ Of hym that sayde: I shall haue nener a peny. lxxxiii.

¶ In a certayne towne, there was a rych man that lay on his deth bed at poynte of deth, whyche chargyd hys executours to dele[129] for hys soule a certayne some of money in pence, and on thys condicion chargyd them as they would answere afore God, that euery pore man that cam to them and told a trew tale shulde haue a peny, and they that said a fals thing shuld haue none; and in the dole-tyme there cam one whych sayd that God was a good man. Quod the executours: thou shalt haue a peny, for thou saist trouth. Anone came a nother and said, the deuil was a good man. Quod the executours: there thou lyest; therefore thou shalt haue nere a peny. At laste came on[e] to the executors and said thus: ye shall gyue me nere a peny: which wordes made the executors amasyd, and toke aduysment whyther they shuld * * * *

The end of this tale is wanting.

¶ Of the husbande that sayde hys wyfe and he agreed well. lxxxiv.

Too imperfect to decypher.

¶ Of the prest that sayde Comede episcope. lxxxv.

¶ In the tyme of visitacyon a bysshoppe, whiche was maryed[130] and had gote many chyldren, prepared to questyon a preest what rule he kepte, whiche preest had a leman * * * * * and by her had two or thre small chyldren. In shorte tyme before the Bysshoppes commynge, he prepared a rowme to hyde his leman and children ouer in the rofe of his hall; and whan the bysshoppe was come and discoursing with him in the same hall, hauynge x of his owne chyldren about him, the preest, who coude speke lytell lytyn or none, bad the bysshoppe in latyn * * * * Comede,[131] episcope. This woman in rofe of the house, hearing the preest say so, had went[132] he had called her, byddynge her: come, Ede; and answered him and sayde: shall I brynge my chyldren with me also? The bysshoppe, hearing this, sayde in sporte: vxor tua sicut vitis abundans in lateribus domus tuæ. The preest than, halfe amasyd, answerd and sayd: filii tui sicut nouellæ oliuarum in circuitu mensæ tuæ.

By this ye may se, that they, that have but small lernyng, som tyme speke truely unaduysed.

¶ Of the woman that stale the pot. lxxxvi.

¶ On Ashe Wednesday in the mornynge, was a curate of a churche whyche had made good chere the nyght afore and sytten up late, and came to the churche to here confessyon, to whome there came a woman; and among other thynges she confessed her that she had stolen a potte. But than, because of greate watche that this preest had, he there sodenly felle aslepe; and whan this woman sawe him nat wyllynge to here her, she rose and went her waye. And anone an other woman kneled down to the same preest and began to say: Benedicite; wherwith this preest sodenly awaked, and wenynge she had ben the other woman,[133] sayd all angerly, what! arte thou nowe at Benedicite agayne? tell me, what dyddest thou whan thou haddest stolyn the potte?

¶ Of mayster Whyttynton dreme.[134] lxxxvii.

¶ Sone after one maister Whyttynton had bylded a colege, on a nyght as he slepte, he dremed that he satte in his church and many folkes there also; and further he dremed that he sawe Our Lady in the same church with a glas of goodly oyntemente in her hande goynge to one askynge him what he had done for her sake; which sayd that he had sayd Our Ladyes sauter[135] euery daye: wherfore she gaue him a lytel of the oyle. And anone she wente to another. * * *

Several lines wanting.

he had buylded a great college, and was very gladde in hys mynde. Whan that Oure Ladye cam to hym, she asked him what he hadde suffred for her sake, this questyon made him greatly abashed, because he had nothing to answer; wherefore Our Lady him informed that for all the great dede of buyldynge of a colege he must haue no parte of that goodly oyntemente.

By this ye may perceue, that to suffre for Goddes sake is more acceptable to God than to buyld or gyue great goodes.

¶ Of the prest that killed his horse called modicus. lxxxviii.

¶ A certayne Bysshoppe appoynted to go on visytacion to a preeste's; and, bycause he would haue the preest do but lyttel coste vpon him, he told him to prepare but lytell meate saying thus: Preparas * * * * * modicus. This preest whyche understode hym nat halfe well, had some desire,[136] wherfore he thoughte to obtayne the bysshoppes fauour; and therfore againste the bysshoppes comynge kylled his horse that was called Modicus, whereof the bysshoppe and his seruauntes ete parte; whiche, whan the bysshoppe knewe afterwarde, was greatly displeased.

By this ye may se, that many a fole dothe moche coste in makyng good chere at dyners, whiche bathe but lytell thanke for his laboure.

¶ Of the Welcheman that stale the Englysshmans cocke. lxxxix.

¶ A Welcheman dwellynge in Englande fortuned to stele an Englysshemans cocke, and set it on the fyre to sethe; wherefore thys Englysheman, suspecting the Welcheman, came to his house, and sawe the cocke sethyng on the fyre and said to the Welcheman thus: syr, this is my cocke. Mary, quod the Welcheman; and if it be thyne, thou shalte haue thy parte of it. Nay, quod the Englyssheman, that is nat ynoughe. By cottes blut and her nayle! quod the Welcheman, if her be nat ynoughe nowe, her will be ynoughe anone: for her hath a good fyre under her.

¶ Of hym that brought a botell to a preste. xc.

¶ Certayne vycars[137] of Poules, disposed to be mery on a Sonday at hye masse tyme, sente another madde felowe of theyr acquointance unto a folysshe dronken preest to gyue hym a bottell, whiche man met with the preest upon the toppe of the stayres by the chauncell dore, and spake to him and sayd thus: syr, my mayster hath sente you a bottell to put your drynke in, because he can kepe none in your braynes. This preest, therwith beynge very angry, all sodenly toke the bottell, and with his fote flange it downe into the body of the churche upon the gentylmans hede.[138]

¶ Of the endytement of Jesu of Nazareth. xci.

¶ A certayne Jury in the countye of Myddelsex was enpaneled for the kynge to enquere of all endytements, murders, and felonyes. The persones of this panell were folyshe, couetous and unlerned: for who so euer wolde gyue them a grote, they wolde affyne and verifye his byll, whether it were true or fals, withoute any profe or euydence; wherefore one that was * * * *

Some lines wanting.

the Jury loking on the grote and nothing on the byll as was their costome, which byll whan it was presented into the courte, the judge said openly before all the people: lo! syrs, here is the straungest byll euer presented by an enquest: for here they haue indyted Jesu of Nazareth for stelyng of an asse. Which whan the people harde it, it made them all to laughe, and to wonder at the folysshenes and shamefull periury of the Jury.

By this ye may se, it is great parell[139] to enpanell men upon an enquest, whiche be folysshe and haue but small witte or honesty.

¶ Of the frere that preched agaynst them that rode on the Sonday. xcii.

¶ In a certayne parryshe, a frere preched and said moche againt them, that rode on the Sonday euer lokyng upon one that was there, spurred redy to ryde. This man, perceuyng that the frere loked at hym, sodenly halfe in angre answered the frere thus: I meruayle that ye say so moche agaynste them that ryde on the Sonday: for Christe rode into Jerusalem on Palme Sonday, as thou knowest well it is wrytten * * * To whome the frere sodenly answered and sayd thus: but knowe ye not also what came thereof? Was he nat hanged on the Fryday after! Whiche hearing all them that were in the churche fell on laughynge.

¶ Of the one broder that founde a purs. xciii.

¶ There was a certayne man that had two sonnes unlyke eche other. For the eldyst was lustye and quycke, and vsed moche betimes to walke into the fyldes. Than was the yonger slowe, and vsed moche to lye in his bed as long as he myght. So on a day the elder, as he was vsed, rose erly and walked into the fyldes; and there by fortune he founde a purse of money, and brought it home to his father. His father, whan he had it, wente strayght to hys other sonne yet lyenge than in his bed and sayd to him: o thou slogarde, quod he, seyst thou nat thyne eldest brother, howe he by hys erly rysyng had founde a purse with money whereby we shall be greatly holpen all our lyfe, whyle thou sluggynge in thy bedde dost no[140] good but slepe? He than wyst nat what to say, but answered shortly and said: father, quod he, if he that hathe loste the purse and money had lyne in hys bedde that same tyme that he loste it, as I do nowe, my brother had founde no purse nor money to day.

By this ye may se, that they that be accustomed in vyce and synne will alwaye fynde one excuse or other to cloke therewyth theyr vyce and vnthryftynes.

¶ Of the answere of the mastres to the mayde. xciv.

¶ A certayne wyfe there was, whiche was somwhat fayre, and, as all women be that be fayre, was somwhat proude of her beautye; and as she and her mayde satte together, she, as one that was desyrous to be praysed, sayd to her thus: I, faythe, Jone, howe thynkest thou? am I nat a fayre wyfe? Yes, by my trouth, maistres, quod she, ye be the fayrest that euer was excepte * * *

The end is wanting.

¶ Of the northern man that was all harte. xcv.

Of this tale but a small fragment remains.

¶ Of the burnynge of olde John. xcvi.

¶ In a certayne towne there was a wife somewhat aged, that had beryed her husbande, whose name was John, whome she so tenderlye loued in his lyfe, that after hys dethe she caused an ymage of tymber to be made in forme and persone as lyke to hym as coulde be; whiche ymage she kept carefully under her bedde; and euery nyghte she caused her mayde to wrap the ymage in a shete and lay it in her bedde; and called it olde John. Thys widowe had a prentyse whose name was John; whiche John wolde fayne haue married hys maystres, nat for no great pleasure, but onely for her good substance: for she was ryche. Wherefore he ymagened howe he myght obtayne hys desire and so dyd speke to the mayde of the house, and desyred her to lay hym in hys maystres bedde for one nyghte in stede of the pycture,[141] and promysed her a good rewarde for her laboure; whyche mayde ouer nyghte wrapped the sayde younge man in a shete, and layde hym in his maysters bedde, as she was wonte to laye the pycture. Thys wydowe was wonte euery nyght, before she slepte and dyuers tymes whan she waked, to kysse the sayde pycture of olde John: wherefore the sayde nyghte she kyssed the sayde yonge man, beleuynge that she hadde kyste the picture. And he sodenly sterte,[142] and toke her in his armes, and so well pleased her than, that olde John from thens forth was clene out of her mynde, and [she] was contente that this yonge John shulde lye with her styll all that nyghte, and that the pycture of olde John shulde lye styll under the bedde for a thynge of noughte. After thys in the mornynge, thys wydowe, intendynge to please this yonge John whyche had made her so good pastyme all the nyght, bad her mayde go dresse some good mete for their brekefast to feaste therwith her yonge John. This mayde, whan she had longe sought for wode to dresse the sayde mete, told her maystres that she coude fynde no wode that was drye, except onelye the pycture of olde John that lyeth under the bed. * * * * * * * *

Some lines wanting.

and dressyd the brekfast; and so olde John was brenyd; and from thens forth yong John occupyed his place.

¶ Of the courtear that ete the hot custarde. xcvii.

¶ A certayne merchaunt and a courtear, being upon a time together at dyner hauing a hote custerd, the courtear being somwhat homely of maner toke parte of it and put it in hys mouth, whych was so hote that made him shed teares. The merchaunt, lokyng on him, thought that he had ben weeping, and asked hym why he wept. This curtear, not wyllynge [it] to be known that he had brent his mouth with the hote custerd, answered and said, sir: quod he, I had a brother whych dyd a certayn offence wherfore he was hanged; and, chauncing to think now vppon his deth, it maketh me to wepe. This merchaunt thought the courtear had said trew, and anon after the merchaunt was disposid to ete of the custerd, and put a sponefull of it in his mouth, and brent his mouth also, that his eyes watered. This courtear, that perceuyng, spake to the merchaunt and seyd: sir, quod he, pray why do ye wepe now? The merchaunt perseyued how he had bene deceiued and said[143]: mary, quod he, I wepe, because thou wast not hangid, when that thy brother was hangyd.

¶ Of the thre pointes belonging to a shrewd wyfe. xcix.

¶ A yong man, that was desirous to haue a wyf, cam to a company of Philosofers which were gadred to gider, requiring them to gif him their opinion howe he might chose him sich a wyf that wer no shrew. These Philosofers with gret study and delyberacion determinid and shewd this man that there were iii especial pointes, wherebi he shuld sure know if a woman were a shrew. The i point is that if a woman have a shril voyce, it is a gret token that she is a shrew. The ii point is that, if a woman have a sharp nose, then most commenly she is a shrew. The iii point that neuer doth mis is[144] that if she were [a] kerchefer,[145] ye may be sure she is a shrew.

¶ Of the man that paynted the lamb upon his wyfes bely. c.

¶ A Conning painter ther was dwelling in London, which had a fayre yong wife, and for thingis that he had to do went ouer se; but because he was somwhat jelous, he praed his wyfe to be content, that he might paint a lamb upon her bely, and praed her it might remain ther, til he cam home again; wherewith she was content. After which lamb so painted he departid; and sone after that, a lusti yong merchaunt, a bacheler, came and woed his wyf, and obteined her fauor, so that she was content he shuld lye with her; which resortid to her and had his plesure oftymes; and on a time he toke a pensell, and to the lamb he painted ii hornys, wening to the wif that he had but refreshed the old painting. Than at the last, about a yere after, her husband cam home again, and the first night he lay with his wyfe, he loked uppon his wifes bely, and saw the ii hornes painted there. He said to his wif, that some other body had ben besy there, and made a new painting:

for the picture that he painted had no hornes and this hath hornes; to whome this wif shortly * * * *

cetera desunt.

Here endeth the booke of a C. mery Talys. Imprinted at London at the sygne of the meremayde at powlys gate nexte to chepesyde. ¶ Cum priuelegio Regali.