T’ History o’t Haworth Railway.

Before I commence mi short history o’t Haworth Railway, it might be as weel to say a word or two abaht Haworth itseln. It’s a city at’s little knawn, if onny, it history o’ England, though ther’s no daht but its as oud as Methuslam, if not ouder, yet with it being built so far aht at latitude ov civilized nashuns, nobody’s scarcely knawn owt abaht it wal latly. T’ finders ov it are sed to be people fra’t Eastern countries, for they tuke fearful of em e Haworth it line o’ soothsayers, magishuns, an’ asstrologers; but whether they com fra’t east or’t west, they luke oud fashun’d enuff. Nah t’ city is situated in a very romantic part o’ Yorkshur, and within two or three miles o’t boundary mark o’ Lancashire. Some foak sez it wer t’last place at wer made, but it’s a mistak, for it lukes oud fashun’d enuff to be t’first ’at wer made. Gert travellers sez it resembles t’ cities o’ Rome and Edinburgh, fer ther’s a deal o’ up-hills afore you can get to’t top on’t; but e landing you’d be struck wi’ wonder and amazement—what wi’t tall biggens, monniments, domes, hampitheaters, and so on; fer instance, t’Church, or rather the Cathedral, is a famous biggen, and stands majestically o’t top at hill. It hes been sed at Oliver Cromwell that wor so struck wi’t appearance at Church an t’ City, altogether, wal he a mack a consented to hev it the hed-quarters for the army and navy.

The faander o’ t’ Church is sed to be won Wang-be-Wang, won et Empror’s o’ China as com ower in a balloon an’ browt we him all his relations, but his granmuther; the natives at that toime wur a mack a wild, but i mixing up we t’ balloonites they soin become civilized and big’d t’ Church at’s studden fra that time to nah, wit exepshun o’ won end, destroyed at sum toime, sum sez it wur be war. Sum sez west and an t’ saath end wur destroyed, but it’s a mack a settled on wit wiseuns it wur wichcraft; but be it as it may Haworth, an’ t’ folk a’tagether is as toff as paps, an’ hez stud aht weel, an’ no daht but it wod a flerished before Lunden, Parriss, or Jerusulum, for sentries back, if they’d hed a Railway; but after nearly all Grate Britten and France hed been furnished we a Railway, the people i Haworth began to be uneazy and felt inclined no longer to wauk several miles to get to a stashun if they were bahn off liks. And besides, they thout it wur high time to begin and mack sum progress i’ t’ wurld, like their naburs ’t valley. So they adjetated for a line down the valley as far as Keighley, and after abaht a hundred meetings they gat an Act passed for it i Parlement. So at last a Cummittee wur formed, and they met wun neet a purpose to decide when it wod be t’ best convenient for em to dig t’ furst sod to commerate and start the gert event. And a bonny rumpus there wor yo mind, for yo may think ha it wor conducted when they wur threapin wi wun another like a lot o’ oud wimen at a parish pump when it sud be. Wun sed it mud tak place at rushberring, another sed next muck-spreading toime, a third sed it mud be dug et gert wind-day e memory o’ oud Jack K—. Well, noan et proposishuns wod do for t’ lot, and there wur such opposistion wal it omust hung on a threed, wether the railway went on or net, wal at last an oud farmer, wun o’ the committee-men, we a voice as hoarse as a farm yard dog, bawls aht, I propose Pancake Tuesday. So after a little more noise it wor proposed and seconded at the Grand Trunk Railway between the respective tahns of Keighley and Haworth sud be commemorated wi diggin t’ furst sod o’ Pancake Tuesday, it year o’ our Lord 1864; and be t’ show o’ hands it usual way it wor carried by wun, and that wor Ginger Jabus, and t’tother cud a liked t’bowt him ower, but Jabus worn’t to be bowt that time, for he hed his hart and sowl i the movement, and he went abaht singin—

Well, hasumivver public notice wur made nawn, be the bellman crying it all ower t’taan, wich he did to such a pitch, wal he’d summat to do to keep his hat fra flyin off, but he manijed to do it at last to a nicety, for the news spread like sparks aht of a bakehus chimla; and wen the day com they flocked in fra all parts, sum o’ the crookt-legged uns fra Keighley com, Lockertown and the Owertown folk com, and oud batchelors fra Stanbury and all parts et continent o’ Haworth; folk craaded in o’ all sides, even the oud men and wimen fra Wicken Crag and the Flappeters, and strappin folk they are yo mind, sum as fat as pigs, wi heads as red as carrots, and nimble as a india-rubber bouncer taw; and wat wur t’ best on’t it happened to be a fine day; for if it hed been made according to orders it cudn’t a been finer. Shops wur all closed and ivverybody, oud and young, hed a haliday aht o’ t’doors, for they wur all flade a missin the Grand Processhun, wich formed itsel at the top o’ Wuthren, when it wur messured, it turn’d aht to be two miles six inches long—it moved as follows:—

ORDER OF PROCESSHUN.

The Spring-head Band wi their hat-bruads turn’d up so as they mud see their way clear.

Lord et Manor i full uniform a fut back bearing Coat of Arms for Haworth, a gert wild cratur wi two tails on, one et awthur end.

Two citizens wi white cravats raand their hats.

The Members et Corporashun one-abreast singin “a nuttin we will go, brave boys.”

Big Drums and Triangles.

A Mahogany Wheelbarrow and a silver trowel on a cart trail’d wi six donkeys, and garded wi ten lazy policemen all sober.

A pair of crakt bag-pipes.

The Contractor in a sedan carried wi two waggoners i white smocks.

All the young maidens fra fourteen to thirty-nine, six-abreast, drest i sky blue, and singin throo combs.

Twenty oud wimin knittin stockings.

Twenty navvies i their shirt sleeves weeling barrows, wi workn tooils.

Taan skavengers wi shoulder’d besums decorated wi ribbons.

Bellman and Pinder arm-i-arm drest I full uniform, and the latter now and then bawlin aht wats bahn to tak place.

All scholars at female line laking at duck-under-watter kit, and the males laking at frog-loup, and jumping o’ one another’s backs.

Taan chimla sweeps maanted o’ donkies wi their face white.

All the furiners fra the continent o’ Haworth, and crookt-legged uns fra Keighley followed up.

Bulk o’ the inhabitants wauking wun-abreast, wi their hats off, and singing and shouting

“The Railway! the Railway!”

In fact, the Railway wur e ivverbody’s maath, what we singing and shouting, them at cud do nawther whisper’d in wun another’s ears—Railway! But getting to where the ceremuny wur to tak place the processhun halted and formed itseln into a raand ring, and cheers wur geen wi shakin hats and handkerchiefs, which lasted wal their showders and arms warkt wal they’d hardly strength to shut their maaths and don their hats on. But hasumivver they manijed to get reight agean, and then a parson called Ned Oufield gat up and made the following narashun—

Fellow countrymen and citizens o’ Haworth,—It gives me gert plezur to see such a gert event as this tak place i the city o’ Haworth, namely, digging t’ furst sod o’ wat’s called Grand Trunk Line between Keighley and yor native element, and reight pleased I am to offishiate as chairman on this occashun. Perhaps sum on yo maint naw what I mean wi yer native element; but I mean yer oud mountain side, and aw naw yor like yer forefathers, yo love it dearly, tho’ yor ancestors wor nowt but barbarians in the fourth and fifth sentries, yet they were the furst to embrace Christianity, which they did it yer 600, be the Latin inscripshun on the church steeple.—(Loud cheers).—And although yo been behind we yor Railway, ye been up i different arts and sciences. Wat nashun, my frends, can boast of a majishun like yor oud Jack K—.—(Loud cheers). He wur a credit to yo all, and yo wur sadly indebted to him; he proffesied twenty yer sin at this event wud cum to pass (a voice,—ha wish he wur alive he sud be contractor), and if he’d been livin to this day, its a hundred to wun but the Railway wud hev been made to some where else ner Keighley, for ha feel convinced et Keighley is not worthy of amalgamashun wi a respectable city like Haworth.—(Hear, hear.) For look wat insultin langwidj they’ve used to yo at different times.—(Groans.) Furst, they said yo muckt church to mak it grow bigger. Then yo walked rahnd tahn’s post office at Keighley and thout it wur the cemetery, and to make up for the lot, they call us wild craturs and mock wur plezant dialect, which is better English ner theirs.—(Groans, wich lasted for ten minits.) Yes, my fella citizens, you’ve hed to put up wi a deal o’ slang fra theas uncultivated rascals.—(We have.) And wat’s war nur all, yah’ve hed to wauk wet and dry, thro thick and thin, i all sorts o’ weather to Keighley, wen you’ve wanted to go on the continent or Lundun. But soin yo can wauk slap to the train in a jiffey.—(Loud cheers.) Mr. Oufield then thenkt his fella taansmen and wimen and ended his speech wi expressin his delight in the loyalty of the people for the railway, and as the time was fast waxin, he begged leave to sit dahn, wich he did t’ midst lahd enthusiastic shouting.

This been dun and ivverybody gotten their maaths shut agean, Ike Ouden gat up and made a speech, and a grand un it wor yo mind, for if the arkangel hed dropt streyt dahn fra heven and let o’ t’top o’ t’platform, it cuddant a suited t’ folk better, for he began as follows:—

Fella-citizens and tahnsmen o’ Haworth,—Wen I see before me so many smiling faces and so many distingwisht citizens, I awn ha felt a pang as to my unfitness for appearing afore yo on this occashun; but yor committee wor so urgent in their appeal to me that I wor certainly induced to akcept the honnor of diggin the furst sod o’ the Grand Trunk Railway, wich will be the gratest blessin that ivver will be i Haworth. But yet its not for me to say wat is kalkulated or unkalkulated for the people o’ Haworth to do in the 19th sentry, yet I may ventur to say at this glorious muvment nah bahn to tak place will shortly prove the gratest blessin ivver witnessed it city o’ Haworth.—(Loud applause). Look at the export and import of the city, and compare the spaven’d horse and cart wi the puffin willyams and all the fine carriages. Look et difference between wen it tuk a week to go to Liverpool, and a month to Lundun, in a oud coach, and hev to mak wur wills afore we went.—(Enthusiastic cheering.) Yes, my frends, we stud good chance e being robbed and plundered if net summat war. Besides wat an immense diffrence it will mak to Haworth, wen shoo can export her own mannifacturs to all the civilised and uncivilised wurld, and by means o’ steam find their ways into rejuns nivver trod but by feet o’ wild craturs and beasts o’ prey. But to mak t’ story short ha mean to say it will be a grate cumfort and a blessin to both the lame and lazey, and speshally to the latter. But as the time was gettin on fastish, as it allus dus when there’s out to be dun, so Mr. Ouden finisht his speech as follows:—

The Spring-heead Band then played sum of their favorite tunes, “Oud Rosen the Bow,” “Jessey’s Pig,” and ended wi “God save the Queen,” and all departed to their homes wi smiling faces.