Volume 98 — LONDON FOR THE LONDONERS;
Reading edition
Or, How to Please Everybody.
Scene—Railway Compartment. Brown and Jones discovered reading Newspapers.
Brown (putting down his journal). Not much news, Sir.
Jones (following the example). Quite so, Sir—not much.
Brown. Perhaps, Sir, the most interesting item is this talk about London Improvement.
Jones. So I think, Sir. But what do we want with this plan for widening the Strand, and making a road to Holborn? It seems to me, Sir, that the suburbs are being neglected.
Brown. I agree with you, Sir. Now, if they would develop the North of London, it would be more to the purpose. If they would run a road direct from Charing Cross to, say Zanzibar Terrace, Upper Kensal Green, West, it would really be of service to the public.
Jones. Very likely, Sir—very likely. For my part, it seems to me that Chiswick also requires a helping hand. The construction of a broad boulevard running from Charing Cross in a straight line to, say, Upham Park Road, would tend to show that the County Council justly appreciated its own responsibilities. And I say this, knowing the necessities of Chiswick, for in that neighbourhood I happen to reside.
Brown. And I, too, Sir, am equally cognisant of the requirements of Upper Kensal Green West. As a matter of fact, Sir, I happen to have a comfortable house in Zanzibar Terrace.
Jones. And I, Sir, a delightful villa in Upham Park Road.
[Whistle. Train enters tunnel, and further conversation is drowned by the rattle of the carriages.
A Musical Anticipation.
Fred Cowen's Viking Sure to be striking. Think there is luck in Barton McGuckin.
Unsought Honour.—After his last Birthday, Mr. Gladstone was unanimously elected a Member of "the Eighty Club."
PLAIN ENGLISH!
John Bull. "LOOK HERE, MY LITTLE FRIEND, I DON'T WANT TO HURT YOUR LITTLE FEELINGS,—BUT, COME OFF THAT FLAG!!!"
Jenkinson (to M. F. H., who dislikes being bothered). "What do you think of this Horse?" (No answer.) "Bred him myself, you know!"
M. F. H. (looking at Horse out of corner of his eye). "Umph! I thought you couldn't have been such a silly Idiot as to have Bought him!"