Volume 93 — AN EPITAPH
Reading edition
To the Memory of The Egyptian Convention. It was an Ill-starred Instrument, Conceived in Doubt, Matured in Perplexity, and Completed in Consternation, It was Ultimately Drafted with the Immediate but Amusing Effect of Sending the Duc de Montebello into Hysterics, Causing an Icy Indifference on the Part of M. Nelidoff, and Inducing the Sultan to sing Once and for all straight off An entire Encore Verse of "Oh! what a Surprise!" Thus Happily at one and the same time Having fulfilled the Triple purpose of Raising the passing Smile of Diplomatic Europe, Throwing Sir H. Drummond Wolff into a Condition of "Animated Expectancy," and Costing the British Tax-payer £28,000 Sterling, To the permanent Astonishment of its Author, The Smothered Satisfaction of the Sublime Porte, And the General Rejoicing of the Egyptian Bond-holder, It Returned at Length to this Country, Uncrumpled, but Unsigned, To be Relegated Comically, but Effectually, To a Waste-Paper Basket at the Foreign Office, From which it is the devout Hope of thoughtful Politicians, The settled Verdict of Public Opinion, and The determined Resolution of Lord Salisbury, That its shattered Fragments Shall never, under any Circumstances, Again emerge.
Foul is Fair.
(A Parliamentary Song of Sixpence.)
The Irish M.P.'s, who are born to the manner, Can't see any harm in the language of Tanner. In war for ould Ireland they boldly declare That the course they pursue is quite (Donnybrook) fair; And with joy each impulsive Milesian howler Cries, "If 'Tanner' be foul, there's 'Bob' that is Fowler." But Stooping to Conquer is always their plight; Sir Robert's, at worst, the Mistakes of a Knight.