Volume 156 — WISE WORDS FOR BIRDS.
Reading edition
Dear Mr. Punch,—While lately turning over some old family papers I came across a number of maxims in rhyme which seem to me to be worthy of publication at a time devoted to good cheer. The form appears to be the same as that expressed in the familiar couplets on the woodcock and the partridge; but these variations on an old theme have at least the merit of freshness and originality.
I begin in order of magnitude with the ostrich:—
"If an ostrich had but a woodcock's thigh It would only be some three feet high. If a woodcock had but an ostrich's jaw It would have to be carved with a circular saw."
The foregoing lines clearly enforce the important lesson of contentment with the existing order. This moral is perhaps less implicit in the lines on the peacock:—
"If a peacock had but the nightingale's trill It would make all prima donnas feel ill. If the nightingale had but the peacock's tail It would merit a headline in the Mail."
Contentment again is the keynote of the couplets on the owl:—
"If an owl would enter the nuthatch's nest Its figure would have to be much compressed. If the nuthatch had but the face of an owl It would be a most unpopular fowl."
A slightly different formula is to be noted in the lines on the snipe, but the spirit is substantially the same:—
"If a snipe were the size of a threepenny bit It would be a great deal harder to hit. But if it grew to the size of an emu It wouldn't be better to eat than seamew."
Lastly I may quote the only couplet in which beasts as well as birds are subjected to this searching analysis. I think you will admit that it is the most sagacious and impressive of them all:—
"If a pig had wings and the legs of a stork It would damage the quality of its pork,"
Thine, MCDOUGALL POTT.
Poets' Corner House, Dottyville.
"As a result of trying to find an escape of gas with a light, a flat in Westminster was seriously damaged."—Provincial Paper.
Serve him right.