Volume 156 — ANOTHER CRISIS.
Reading edition
(By a Futility Rabbit Keeper.)
There is a rabbit in the pansy bed, There is a burrow underneath the wall, There is a rabbit everywhere you tread, To-day I heard a rabbit in the hall, The same that sits at evening in my shoes And sings his usefulness, or simply chews; There is no corner sacred to the Muse— And how shall man demobilise them all? Far back, when England was devoid of food, Men bade me breed the coney and I bought Timber and wire-entanglements and hewed Fair roomy palaces of pine-wood wrought, Wherein our first-bought sedulously gnawed And every night escaped and ran abroad; Yet she was lovely and we named her Maud, And if she ate the primulas, 'twas nought. The months rolled onward and she multiplied, And all her progeny resembled her; They ate the daffodils; they seldom died; And no one thought of them as provender; The children fed them weekly for a treat, And my wife said, "The little things—how sweet! If you imagine I can ever eat A rabbit called Persephone, you err." Yet famine might have hardened that proud breast, Only that victory removed the threat; And now, if e'er I venture to suggest That it is time that some of them were ate, That Maud is pivotal and costing pounds, And how the garden is a mass of mounds, She answers me, on military grounds, "Peace is not come. We cannot eat them yet." So I shall steal to yon allotment space With a large bag of rabbits, and unseen Demobilise them, and in that fair place They all shall browse on cauliflower and bean; There Smith will come on Saturday, and think That it is shell-shock or disease or drink; But Maud shall dwell for ever there and sink A world of burrows in Laburnum Green. A.P.H.
Secrets of the Peace Conference.
"The proceedings yesterday afternoon began punctually at three o'clock. Lord Robert Cecil sat with the British delegates. M. Léon Bourgeois sat among the French delegates."—Manchester Guardian.
And not, as might have been thought, vice versâ.
"A thoroughly capable and energetic man wanted, who will look after a family concern: Must understand management of 25 acre farm with 10 cows, about four acres may have to be broken up. Must be an experienced brewer, capable of mashing 10 times a week, and taking entire charge of brewing operations with assistance of unskilled labour. Must be conversant with licensing laws and requirements, also present restrictions as applying to brewing; thoroughly understand and superintend wines and spirits department, direct repairs, capable buyer, general manager, organiser and foreman. Must be thorough accountant, capable of directing office and branch work, conversant with income-tax and excess profits duty practice. Able to drive, or willing to learn a 4-ton Commer lorry, must be motor-cyclist to visit branches, and manage public-houses. Absolutely essential to understand and drive oil engines.—Further particulars apply —— and Sons."—Daily Paper.
What we chiefly miss is any information as to how the man is to fill up his spare time.
"ITALIAN SPELLING.
"There are to be streets in Athens named after President Wilson and after Mr. Lloyd George. In the 'Patris,' an Athens paper, we read that 'Wilson' is spelt 'Ouilson,' whilst 'George' is Tzortz,' 'Bonar Law' is 'Mponar Lo.'"—Birmingham Mail.
We bow to our contemporary's erudition, but we confess it all looks Greek to us.
THE PROGRESSIVE WEIGHT-LIFTER.
Betty. "MUMMY, DOES GOD SEND US OUR FOOD?"
Mother. "YES, DEAR; OF COURSE HE DOES."
Betty. "BUT WHAT A PRICE!"