Volume 156 — COMMERCIAL COMFORT.
Reading edition
["Mines are spottily good. Oils maintain a healthy undertone."—Stock Exchange Report.]
O welcome message of the tape! O words of comfortable cheer! You bring us promise of escape Into a balmier atmosphere; Though Ireland with sedition boils And shrieks aloud, "Ourselves Alone"; Still mines are good in spots, and oils Maintain a healthy undertone. Though dismal Jeremiahs wail Of Bolshevists within our gates, And, though the Master of The M**l In sad seclusion vegetates, The rising tide of gloom recoils Once the inspiring news is known That mines are good in spots, and oils Maintain a healthy undertone. An over-sanguine mood is wrong And ought to be severely banned; Yet spots, if good, cannot belong To the pernicious leopard brand; But no such reservation spoils The sequel; doubt is overthrown By the explicit statement, "Oils Maintain a healthy undertone." Not, you'll remark, the savage growl Of the exasperated bear, Nor the profound blood-curdling howl Of the gorilla in its lair; Nor yet the roar in civic broils That surges round a tyrant's throne— Oh, no, the organ voice of oils Is healthy in its undertone. O blessed jargon of the mart! Though your commercial meaning's hid From me, a layman, to my heart You bring a soothing nescio quid; Amid the flux of strikes and plots Two things at present stand like stone: In mines the goodness of their spots, In oils their healthy undertone.
Extract from a recent story:—
"Noiselessly we crept from the tent. The sands, the sea, the cliffs, were bathed in silver white by a glorious tropical moon. Noiselessly we levelled it to the ground, rolled it up, and carried it to the boat."
And that night the Gothas were foiled.
"The subject of a war memorial was considered at a St. Sidwell's, Exeter, parish meeting. Many suggestions were offered, among them one that the present seating in the parish church should be replaced by plush-covered tip-up seats, such as are in use at kinemas and other places of entertainment."—Western Morning News.
If the suggestion is adopted it is presumed that the name of the church will be altered to St. Sitwell.
Father Murphy. "MIKE, COME HERE AND HOLD THE MULE FOR A FEW MINUTES."
Mike (not stirring). "IT'S SORRY I AM, FATHER, BUT I DO BE DRAWIN' THE OUT-OF-WORK MONEY, AND I DARE NOT HOULD HER. BUT I'LL SAY 'STAND' TO HER FOR YOU, FATHER, IF I SEE HER ANYWAYS UNAISY."