Volume 153 — CUSS-CONTROL.
Reading edition
I found myself, some time ago, Growing too fond of cuss-words, so I made a vow to curb my passions And put my angry tongue on rations. As no Controller yet exists To frame these necessary lists, I had myself to pick and choose The words that I could safely use. Four verbs found favour in my sight, Viz., "drat" and "dash" and "blow" and "blight"; While "blithering" and "blinkin'" were My only adjectival pair. I freely own that "dash" and "drat" At times sound lamentably flat; And "blight" and "blow" don't somehow seem Quite adequate to every theme. When you are wishful to be withering 'Tis hard to be confined to "blithering," And to express explosive thinkin' One longs for some relief from "blinkin'." Still Mr. BALFOUR, so I hear, Seldom goes further than "O dear!" While moments of annoyance draw "Bother" at worst from BONAR LAW. Hence, if our leaders in their style Are able to suppress their bile, And practise noble moderation In comment and in objurgation, Why should not I, a doggerel bard, All futile expletives discard, And discipline my restive soul With salutary cuss-control?
ERRARE EST DIABOLICUM.
From the Indian author of an Anglo-vernacular text-book:—
"As the book had to go through the press in haste I am sorry to write to you that there are some printers' devils, especially in English spelling."
"Nelson himself being a Suckling on his mother's side."—Observer.
We cannot know too much about the early history of our heroes.
"Captain William Redmond, son of Mr. John Redmond, has been awarded the D.S.O. He was commanding in a fierce fight and was blown out of a shell hole, sustaining a sprained knee and ankle. He rallied his men, and by promptly forming a defensive flank saved his part of the line."—Daily Express.
This must have been in Sir WALTER SCOTT'S proleptic mind when he wrote (in Rokeby):—
"Young Redmond, soil'd with smoke and blood, Cheering his mates with heart and hand Still to make good their desperate stand."
A BIRTHDAY GREETING FOR HINDENBURG.
F.M. SIR DOUGLAS HAIG (sings). "O I'LL TAK' THE HIGH ROAD AN' YE'LL TAK' THE LOW ROAD...."
[The enemy has been fighting desperately to prevent us from occupying the ridges above the Ypres-Menin road, and so forcing him to face the winter on the low ground.]
INFORMATION TO THE ENEMY.
Wife.
"I CALL IT SIMPLY SCANDALOUS THAT THE PAPERS SHOULD BE ALLOWED TO PUBLISH THE DATES WHEN THE MOON IS FULL."