Volume 103 — COLUMBUS.
Reading edition
COLUMBUS! We read of him every day, In books, pamphlets, magazines, papers; Whilst Italy, Portugal, Spain, U.S.A., Cut constant, consecutive capers. They started last month with reviews on the main; On the land with processions—a quaint row. Such the fêtes, aptly called by the French "Fêtes de Gènes," Fait accompli, good luck, ça nous gêne trop! But never say die; now Huelva goes on, New York follows, steady and sober, And Chicago makes ready for more derned, dog gone Fêtes to last till, at least, next October! COLUMBUS, your search for a sort of New Cut Was meant for the best, we don't doubt it; No harm in discovering Continents, but You might have said nothing about it. Still, had you not found a location for clam, Canvas back, buckwheat cakes, we should sorter Have missed the acquaintance of 'cute Uncle SAM, And his fearless, free, fragile, fair daughter. COLUMBUS! The newspapers never will drop This subject; we wish, as months roll on, Some common bacillus had put a full stop Long ago to Don CHRISTOBAL COLON!
"ANECDOTAGE."
Companion Paragraphs to Stories of the same kind.
SIR WALTER SCOTT was never so well pleased as when meeting a brother author. One day he passed by a gauger, who was so careless in his duties that the author of Waverley was able to smuggle into Edinburgh some whiskey that was supposed never to have paid duty. On reaching Abbotsford, "the Wizard of the North" was informed that he had met one of the greatest poets of North Britain. "So I suspected," he replied. "It must have been BURNS." Sir WALTER was right—it was BURNS.
PITT, the younger, and FOX were both fond of port wine, and lost no opportunity of indulging in their favourite beverage. Meeting at CROCKFORD's one evening, PITT (being in straitened circumstances) proposed that they should play for a bottle of sherry. "No," said FOX, "if I must lose, I will lose in Claret!" and the rival Statesmen succumbed to intoxication.
WILBERFORCE, the well-known philanthropist, was accustomed to visit the prisons. At Newgate one day he met a well-known forger, and asked him "What he was in for?" "For the same reason that you are out," was the smart, but uncourteous reply.
NEW REGULATIONS FOR THE ENGLISH POLICE.
(Freely Adapted from the Irish Rules.)
1. Constables who are required to interfere in a street-row must have fourteen days' notice before they can be expected on the spot of the disturbance.
2. Policemen will parade the streets from 12 A.M. to 4 P.M., but will make themselves scarce in the event of meeting a party procession, or noticing the holding of a public demonstration.
3. Hyde Park, Trafalgar Square, and all other fashionable trysting-places, shall be considered without the sphere of Police influence at times of political excitement.
4. Constables shall not congregate on land set apart for workmen's gatherings, except to organise strikes amongst themselves.
5. The labours of the Police shall not commence before sunrise, or continue after sunset; and it will be left to the sagacity of the Public to guard their own property during the hours that the Constables are off duty.
6. In the absence of the Civil Power, it will be considered contrary to professional etiquette for any respectable member of the criminal classes to carry on his unimpeded vocation.
THE WHITE ELEPHANT.
PRESENT PROPRIETOR (
loq.
). "SEE HERE, GOVERNOR! HE'S A LIKELY-LOOKING ANIMAL,—BUT
I
CAN'T MANAGE HIM! IF
YOU
WON'T TAKE HIM, I MUST LET HIM GO!!"