Volume 103 — THE RHODES COLOSSUS.
Reading edition
["Mr. Rhodes announced that it was his intention, either with the help of his friends or by himself, to continue the telegraph northwards, across the Zambesi, through Nyassaland, and along Lake Tanganyika to Uganda. Nor is this all.... This colossal Monte Cristo means to cross the Soudan ... and to complete the overland telegraph line from Cape Town to Cairo; that is, from England to the whole of her possessions or colonies, or 'spheres of influence' in Africa."—The Times.]
The World's Seven Wonders are surely outshone! On Marvel World's billows 'twill toss us—'twill toss us, To watch him, Director and Statesman in one, This Seven-League-Booted Colossus—Colossus! Combining in one supernatural blend Plain Commerce and Imagination—gination; O'er Africa striding from dark end to end, To forward black emancipation—cipation. Brobdingnagian Bagman, big Dreamer of Dreams. A Titan of tact and shrewd trader—shrewd trader! A diplomat full of finesse and sharp schemes, With a touch of the pious Crusader—Crusader! A "Dealer" with despots, a "Squarer" of Kings, A jumper of mountain, lake, wilderness, wady, And manager 'cute of such troublesome things A Lobengula or the Mahdi—the Mahdi. Well may Abercorn wonder and Fife tootle praise, His two thousand hearers raise cheering—raise cheering. Of wild would-be Scuttlers he proves the mad craze, And of Governments prone to small-beering—small-beering. Sullen Boers may prove bores to a man of less tact, A duffer funk wiles Portuguesy—tuguesy; But Dutchmen, black potentates, all sorts, in fact, To Rhodes the astute come quite easy—quite easy. The British South-African Company's shares May be at a discount—(Trade-martyrs!—trade-martyrs!)— But he, our Colossus, strides on, he declares, Whether with or without chums or charters—or charters. Hooray! We brave Britons are still to the front— Provided we've someone to boss us—to boss us; And Scuttlers will have their work cut out to shunt This stalwart, far-striding Colossus—Colossus!
A HEARTY WELCOME.
Local Flyman (who also officiates at Funerals). "Mornin', Sir. Glad to see you out again! Really thought I should 'a' had the honor of Drivin' you to the Cemetery, Sir!"
Taxes. A Hoarding and Saving Clause.—À propos of an article in the Times on this subject, and a paragraph of Mr. Punch's, last week, anent "Hoardings," we may now put a supplementary question in this form, "As Government taxes Savings, would it not be quite consistent to tax Hoardings?" Since the answer must, logically, be in the affirmative, let Government begin at once with all the Hoardings displaying any kind of hideous pictorial advertisement.
"He rumbles so in his conversation," observed Mrs. R. of an orator whose sentences were considerably involved, "that I can seldom catch the grist of what he says."