Volume 103 — FORTE SCUTUM SALUS DUCUM.
Reading edition
In St. SWITHIN's forty days Comes the end of voting-frays; Forty extra then arrays Mr. G. He had hoped for many more, But he cannot even score Forty-four, that fought he for— Mr. G. Fortified with fortitude. Rule your motley multitude, And so earn our gratitude Mr. G.! Oh majority, you know "Gently does it;" therefore go Quite piano, Forty—show Mr. G. Though his forty is not fat, It is fair at least; so that JOHN shall not be taxed for PAT, Mr. G. Spare him income tax that grieves, Lest he think that he perceives ALI BABA's Forty —— Mr. G.!
WALKER!—Mr. TOOLE is going into the country, and Mr. GARDEN is to take his place. This sounds like a seasonable change, as Londoners who cannot get away to a Garden, will now have a GARDEN coming to them.
"NO FEES."
(In re Payne v. 'Enry Hauthor Jones.)
Alas, poor JONES, how sad your fate! The Law's stern coldness comes to freeze Your burning wish to captivate With words you know will always please— "No fees!"
When "bang goes saxpence" for a page Of poorest paper, where one sees More puffs than programme, then your rage Seems right. One cries, "At least for these No fees!"
Cures psychological disease,
Had known he would have willed away
Your PAYNE, like tooth-ache—he would seize
"No fees!"
Must pay those eminent Q.C.'s
Your Bill of Costs! No Play-bill that!
You will not find the Law decrees
"No fees."
A TRIO.—Congratulations to Sir WILLIAM CUSINS, who from his known admiration for WAGNER, is generally known as "Cusins German." He was a "King's Scholar," and KING, whoever he was, must have found him a remarkably apt pupil. He has composed a Comic Opera called Giddy 'Un. The next Knight is JOSEPH BARNBY, a name suggestive of pure rustic music. The last of the Knights, Sir WALTER PARRATT, has chosen as his device the ancient legend always associated with the head of the PARRATT family, i.e., "Scratch a Poll." This dates from very ancient times, and was an inscription found in a temple of Apollo.
OMINOUS.—Unfortunate name for a piece is Cigarette. So suggestive of "paper," and of "ending in smoke." Absit omen!
STUDIES IN IDIOCY.
She. "MRS. MOFFAT'S THE ODDEST WOMAN! SHE'S FOND OF MEETING CLEVER PEOPLE, YOU KNOW, AND SHE NEVER OPENS HER LIPS, BUT LISTENS TO EVERY WORD THEY SAY, AND PUTS IT ALL DOWN IN A DIARY AFTER!"
He. "HAW—BY JOVE! SHALL TAKE PRECIOUS GOOD CARE WHAT I SAY BEFORE HER!"
AIDS TO LARCENY.—(By an "Outside Croaker.")—I find that since I started off shopping this morning, I have lost my purse, my handkerchief, the keys of all my boxes and drawers, a silver-mounted scent-bottle, my season-ticket, and a pocket-book containing priceless materials for the plot of a three-volumed novel. This comes of riding on the outside of an omnibus with garden-seats.—Conductor, the gentlemanly person who sat just behind me, and who is now proceeding rather quickly up Chancery Lane, seems to have been unable to resist the temptation afforded by my hanging coat-tails, and has walked off with a few unpaid bills which were in the pockets, under a mistaken impression that they were bank-notes. Would you mind explaining to him his mistake?—Would it be possible for the excellent Directors of the London General Omnibus Company and the London Road Car Company, so to board up the open backs of their otherwise delightful garden-seats as to prevent a ride on the top of an omnibus from being a constant series of (generally unwarranted) suspicions of the people seated in one's rear?