Volume 102 — RECKONING WITHOUT THEIR HOST.
Reading edition
Mr. P.C. BULL, loquitur:—
Humph! There you go, suspicious lurkers, From lands less free! I grudge you room Among my hosts of honest workers. Had I the settling of your doom, Your shrift were short, and brief your stay. As 'tis, I'll watch you on your way. A Land of Liberty! Precisely. And curs of that advantage take. But, if you want my tip concisely,— We hate the wolf and loathe the snake: And as you seem a blend of both, To crush you I'd be little loth. Freedom we love, and, to secure it, Take rough and smooth with constant mind. Espionage? We ill endure it, But Liberty need not be blind. Sorrow's asylum is our isle; But we'd not harbour ruffians vile. To flout that isle foes are not chary, When of its shelter not in need; But, when in search of sanctuary, They fly thereto with wondrous speed. Asylum? Ay! But learn—in time— 'Tis no Alsatia for foul crime. Foes dub me sinister, satanic, A friend of Nihilists and knaves; Because I will not let mere panic Rob me of sympathy with slaves, And hatred of oppressors. Fudge! Their railings will not make me budge. I've taken up my stand for freedom, I'll jackal to no autocrat; But rogues with hands as red as Edom, Nihilist snake, Anarchist rat, I'd crush, and crime's curst league determine. I have no sympathy with vermin. Doors open, welcome hospitable For all, unchallenged, is my style; But trust not to the fatuous fable That Caliban's free of my isle With prosperous Prospero's free consent. Such lies mad autocrats invent. Such for some centuries they've been telling, Crime, like an asp, I'd gladly crush Upon the threshold of my dwelling, But shall not join a purblind rush Of panic-stricken fools to play The oppressor's game, for the spy's pay! But you, foul, furtive desperadoes, Who, frightened now by those you'd fright, Would fain slink off among the shadows, To plot out further deeds of night, Our isle's immunity you boast!— You're reckoning without your host. I'll keep my eye on you; my Juries I think you'll find it hard to scare; We worship no Anarchic furies, For menace are not wont to care, Here red-caught Crime in vain advances "Extenuating Circumstances!"
Couplet by a Cynic.
(After reading certain Press Comments on the Picture Show.)
Philistine Art may stand all critic shocks Whilst it gives Private Views—of Pretty Frocks!
THE WORLD ON WHEELS.
MR. STEVENS, the American gentleman who rode round the world on a bicycle, says, "The bicycle is now recognised as a new social force." Possibly. But certain writers to the Times on "The Tyranny of the Road," seem to prove that it is also a new anti-social force, when it frightens horses and upsets pedestrians. Adapting an old proverb, we may say, "Set a cad on a cycle and he'll ride"—well, all over the road, and likely enough over old ladies into the bargain. Whilst welcoming the latest locomotive development, we must not allow the "new social force" to develop into a new social despotism. To put it pointedly:—
We welcome these new steeds of steel, (In spite of whistles and of "squealers,") But cannot have the common weal Too much disturbed by common "Wheelers"!
THE ROYAL ACADEMY BANQUET.—After the Presidential orations, the success of the evening was Professor BUTCHER's speech. His audience were delighted at being thus "butchered to make" an artistic "holiday." Prince ARTHUR BALFOUR expressed his regret that "the House of Commons did not possess a Hanging Committee." Hasn't it? Don't we now and again hear of a Member being "suspended" for some considerable time? On such occasions, the whole House is a Hanging Committee. There was one notable omission, and yet for days the air had been charged with the all-absorbing topic. "Odd!" murmured a noble Duke to himself, as, meditating many things, he stood by the much-sounding soda-water, "Odd! a lot of speeches; and yet,—not a word about Orme!"
RECKONING WITHOUT THEIR HOST.
FIRST ANARCHIST. "ENFIN, MON AMI!—VE SHALL NOT BE INTERRUPT IN ZIS FREE ENGLAND!"
BULL A1 (sotto voce). "DON'T BE TOO SURE, MOSSOO! YOU'LL FIND NO EXTENUATING CIRCUMSTANCES HERE!!"