Volume 101 — THE METROPOLITAN MINOTAUR;
Reading edition
OR, THE LONDON LABYRINTH AND THE COUNTY COUNCIL THESEUS.
["Certainly, if some members of the London County Council have their way, it will soon have plenty to occupy it without being called upon to form a scheme of water-supply for the Metropolis."—The Times.]
L.C.C. loquitur:—
Bless me! Things combine so a hero to humble! I fancied that Bull-headed Minotaur—BUMBLE, Would fall to my hand like Pasiphae's monster To Theseus. But oh! every step that I on stir Bemuddles me more. I did think myself clever, But fear from the Centre I'm farther than ever, Oh, this is a Labyrinth! Worse than the Cretan! Yet shall the new Theseus admit himself beaten? Forbid it, great Progress! Your votary I, Ma'am, But in this Big Maze it seems small use to try, Ma'am. Mere roundaboutation's not Progress. Get forward? Why eastward, and westward and southward, and nor'ward, Big barriers stop me! Eh? Centralisation? Demolish that monster, Maladministration, Whose menaces fright the fair tower-crowned Maiden. Most willingly, Madam; but look how I'm laden, And hampered! Oh! I should be grateful to you, Ma'am, If, like Ariadne, you'd give me a clue, Ma'am. I'll never—like treacherous Theseus—desert you; My constancy's staunch, like my valour and virtue. Through Fire, Water, Wilderness trackless I'll follow, But astray in a Maze high ambition seems hollow!
WATERLOO TO WEYBRIDGE.
BY THE 6.5 P.M.
A young man—it's no matter who— Hailed a cab and remarked "Waterloo!" The driver, with bowed Head, sobbed out aloud, "Which station?" They frequently do. A poet once said that to Esher The only good rhyme was "magnesher;" This was not the fact, And he had to retract, Which he did—he retracted with plesher. A fancier cried: "There's one fault on The part of the sparrows at Walton; And that's why I fail To put salt on their tail— The birds have no tails to put salt on." The dulness of riding to Weybridge Pleasant chat (mind the accent) may abridge, But not when it deals With detaching of wheels, Collisions, explosions, and Tay Bridge.
THE STOLEN PICTURES.—The Débats informed us, last week, that the thief who stole TENIERS' pictures from the Museum at Rennes has been discovered. His punishment should "fit the crime," as Mr. GILBERT's Mikado used to say, and therefore he ought to be sentenced to penal servitude for Ten years.
THE PERSONAL EQUATION.
Dick (who hasn't sold a single Picture this year). "AND AS FOR THE BEASTLY BRITISH PUBLIC, NOTHING REALLY GOOD EVER GOES DOWN WITH IT—NOTHING BUT VULGAR ROT!"
Tom (who has sold every Picture he has painted). "OH, BOSH AND GAMMON, MY DEAR FELLOW. GOOD HONEST WORK IS ALWAYS SURE OF ITS MARKET—AND ITS PRICE!"
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Next year their luck will be reversed, and also their opinions of the B.P.
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