Volume 101 — A BALLADE OF EVENING NEWSPAPERS.
Reading edition
The evening shadows gather round the room; How full of joy it were to sit and greet The twilight slowly deepening into gloom, And in the cool forget the noontide heat. The busy hum, the noise of passing feet, Such quiet calm could scarcely serve to mar, Did there not come to us from out the street, Globe, Evening News, Pall Mall, St. James's, Star! The gaily-coloured omnibuses loom, Approach, and disappear with footsteps fleet, The crossing-sweepers blithely ply the broom, Policemen slowly pace upon their beat. We buy the blossoms with their fragrance sweet, And only on our senses sadly jar The noises of the ruffians who repeat, Globe, Evening News, Pall Mall, St. James's, Star! The latest aspect of the latest boom, The starting price of winners and of wheat, The thousand lives lost in a late simoom, A conflagration, or a bursting leat, How gallant gentlemen can stoop to cheat, The spicy current gossip of the Bar— Can all be found in this or that news-sheet, Globe, Evening News, Pall Mall, St. James's, Star! L'ENVOI. Friend, if you wish for happiness complete, Look for it in some hamlet distant far. Forget—where catkins blow and lambkins bleat— Globe, Evening News, Pall Mall, St. James's, Star!
QUEER QUERIES.—FISH-DIET.—I am writing an important historical work, which takes a great deal out of my brain, and I shall be glad to know what is the best kind of diet for nourishing the brain-cells. Fish has been strongly recommended to me. Would a herring and a half for breakfast take me through a chapter on the Norman Conquest? If a herring and a half does for WILLIAM the Conqueror, how many would be necessary for ELIZABETH? Would a whole salmon or barrel of oysters be best for tackling our early Constitutional History?—MACAULAY JUNIOR.
THINGS ONE WOULD RATHER HAVE LEFT UNWRITTEN.
Proud Father
(
reading his Son's School Report
). "MANNERS VULGAR—VERY VULGAR. BUT PERHAPS THIS IS HEREDITARY!"