Volume 101 — WELCOME, LITTLE STRANGER!
Reading edition
Last Friday there appeared a startling paragraph, announcing the first appearance of a New Island. Appropriately, it was on the face of The Globe. The intelligence came to us viâ Marseilles. Did it come up to the surface ready furnished for occupation, as in our second National Anthem about "Britons never being slaves" Britain is described as doing? The quotation is:—"When Britain first at Heaven's command, Arose from out the azure main," (or words to that effect), She (the Island) came up with a ready-made charter, and was open to be taken furnished. If this is the case, with the new Island, the sooner some parties "who won't be missed" pack off, bag and baggage, and take possession of the property, the better. It's a chance. "Island to Let. Ready furnished. Quite ready for occupation when thoroughly dry. No Agents need apply. Ground-Swell Landlord, Neptune, C. district."
THE PASSIONATE SHEPHERD TO HIS LOVE.
(Modern Political Version, a long way after Marlowe.)]
"COME LIVE WITH ME, AND BE MY LOVE AND WE WILL ALL THE PLEASURES PROVE THAT LAND REFORM, ALLOTTED FIELD, AND VILLAGE COUNCILS SOON MUST YIELD." And thou shalt sit at ease, and mock The Tory Shepherds of the flock, The Squire and Parson, o'er whose fall The Primrose Dames already squall. And I will give thee cots most cosy, Of structure sound and aspect rosy; True homes, salubrious if not garish, And proper influence in the parish. One-Man-one-Vote, the Ballot, School, And rating on a fairer rule; A Charity less harsh and cold To warm thine heart when thou grow'st old. A chance upon the land to dwell, Free, independent, faring well; And if these pleasures may thee move, Come live with me, and be my love! Though Tory Swains thy vote may crave To keep thee still the Landlord's slave, If freedom's joys thy mind may move, Come live with me and be my love!
THE NYMPH'S REPLY.
(Some way after Sir Walter Raleigh.)
If I were sure 'twere sooth thou'st sung, That truth were on thy silvery tongue; These pleasures must my passion move To live with thee and be thy love. But art thou sure the Allotted Field A present paradise will yield, Making a lady of a thrall, As dreamed at the Memorial Hall?
Thy Village Council, Cottage cosy, Present in sooth a prospect rosy, But promises so oft are rotten; I've oft been wooed—and oft forgotten! Free vote, fair rating, open school, Good wage, intelligent self-rule,— These are enticements me would move To live with thee and be thy love. If thy zeal last, if love, indeed, Fire thee my hapless lot to heed; Then such delights my mind shall move To live with thee and be thy love.
A LOST OPPORTUNITY.—During a recent cause célèbre in the Divorce Court the petitioner was asked by Sir CHARLES RUSSELL, Q.C., M.P., P.T.P.C., "Did he do anything?" to which the reply was, "He took up a salt-cellar and threw the contents in my face." Mr. FRANK LOCKWOOD, Q.C., M.P., V.P.T.P.C. has been lamenting ever since that he could not have appeared as amicus curiæ to point out that this testimony, until flatly contradicted, "must be taken as primâ facie evidence of a salting her."
CHRISTMAS NUMBERS.
After a Very Old Nursery Model.
One, two, crimson and blue; Two, three, treaclyness free; Three, four, gilding galore; Four, five, bogies alive; Five, six, spectres from Styx; Six, seven, angels from heaven; Seven, eight, big "extra plate"; Eight, nine, wassail and wine; Nine, ten, pencil and pen; Ten, eleven, commercial leaven; Eleven, twelve, "high-art" shelve; Thirteen, fourteen, pictures of sporting; Fifteen, sixteen, ghost-stories, fixt een; Seventeen, eighteen, advertisements great in; Nineteen, twenty, profit in plenty!
"WHEN A MAN DOES NOT LOOK HIS BEST."—No. 5.
WHEN, AFTER LUNCHING SUMPTUOUSLY AT A STRANGE HOTEL IN A STRANGE PART OF THE COUNTRY, IT SUDDENLY OCCURS TO HIM THAT HE HAS LEFT HIS PURSE, WITH ALL HIS MONEY IN IT, IN THE MAIL TRAIN GOING NORTH.