Volume 101 — "HELPS" AND WHELPS.
Reading edition
The following advertisement appeared some little time since in the columns of a daily contemporary:—
To those who have not time to give their dogs sufficient exercise in London.—A Lady, experienced, would EXERCISE DOGS in the Park. Terms, one hour daily, 5s. a week; two hours, 7s. 6d.—Address, &c.
Listen to this, Rover, my hound! This passes expectation! A "Lady Guide," who'll trot you round For scant remuneration! When pain and anguish wring my brow Because I'm doomed to hark To your "Why-not-go-out?" bow-wow, She'll take you to the Park! Cometh this ministering sprite, Smiling upon us meekly, And says, "I'll make your burden light For seven-and-sixpence weekly." They talk of "woman's sphere," when sole, Her hemisphere, when mated; But surely here she's reached the goal For which she was created! She'll chaperon you down the Row, With silken cord she'll lead Your footsteps where the flowerets blow,— A "lucky dog," indeed! She'll win your love by bits of cake, She'll let you bark, or growl, And fight with other dogs, and make War on the water-fowl. Yet is it right your wayward tramp Her maiden steps should hamper? No one who knows you for a scamp Would take you for a scamper! And oh!—a thought most base and black, That puts me in a fluster— My Rover, would she bring you back? No, no, I will not trust her! The offer tempts—(again that bark!)— But no—'tis weak to falter; The chain that leads you to the Park May lead me to the Altar!
FROM A VERY OCCASIONAL CORRESPONDENT.—"At Craig-y-nos we've been keeping up quite Craig-y-noces. High jinks up here. Craig-y-nos means the 'Rock of the Night,' but, mind you, no rock has been required by any of us when we did go to bed, even though we had real Welsh rabbits for supper. Madame PATTI, who takes the Patti-cake here, is far too wiry ever to be a Patti de foie gras. Delicious air here, as any air must be in which PATTI has a voice.—Yours truly,
"THE APPIEST OF THE AP JONESES."
