Volume 100 — OPERATIC NOTES.

"J'y suis." Pro Arris et focus.

Monday.—Le Prophête.—Notable performance. Profit to those who were there; loss to those who weren't. The two Poles, NED and JOHN DE RESZKÉ, excellent as the Tipster, or Prophet, and the Chief Anabaptist Swindler. Madame RICHARD—"O Richard, Oma Reine!" repeated her grand impersonation of Fides, but being a trifle "out of it" as to tune occasionally, I cannot be Fidei Defensor, and swear she was quite correct, so can only report that RICHARD was a bit "dicky"; otherwise, sings like a Dicky-Bird. Cathedral Scene magnificent. Rites are wrong, probably; but these are trifles, except to strict ritualists. Skating Scene not up to date; it was a novelty once upon a time, but rinks have done for it. There was an unrehearsed effect in the Prison Scene, when the walls collapsed—the imprisoned Madame RICHARD escaped, and the Curtain descended. Nobody hurt. The walls, which had fallen, like those of Jericho, to the sound of the trumpet, were put away carefully, for alteration and repairs. The prisoner, issuing from her narrow fire-escape, was recaptured, and the Opera ended with the Drinking Scene, the Prophet among the Peris, a peri-lous situation, which makes the Opera go, at the climax, "like a house-a-fire." Burns Justice is done to the Impostor, and, at a late hour, we call our cabs, and return to hum "béviam" over "a modest quencher."

Saturday.—BOÏTO'S Mefistofele. Strong combination. Excellent. But big "waits" made it heavy.

AN AGRICULTURAL TRIPOS.

PRELIMINARY EXAMINATION PAPER.

1. A field is ploughed three years running. Can it still have a shy at its little go? Examine this, and say all you know about "PIERS, or PEARS, the Ploughman." Did he use his own soap?

2. How do you extract the square of a Beet-root? In connection with this, say how much it will take to square a "Swede?"

3. Explain the use of the "Sewing-machine" for agricultural purposes. What do you mean by "going against the grain?"

4. You plant a field of corn. What plaster do you adopt when it begins to shoot? Also give the best remedy you know for corn in the ear.

5. Write a Sentimental History of the Harvest Moon. Is it really twice as big as any other moon, or does it only look so, after drinking the landlord's health several times over?

6. To what gourmet giving a dinner-party in January is attributed the historical saying, "Peas at any price"?

7. How many black beans will make five white ones? Given the number, explain the process, and solve the equation.

8. What pomade do you recommend for "top-dressing"?

9. What would be an M.P.'s first step towards squaring a circle of Agricultural Voters?

SAD STORY.—A painter, who had on several occasions aspired to a place in the Chantrey Collection, and invariably been refused, on being encouraged to launch a fresh venture, and spread his canvas, which would be soon filled, for a sale, replied dejectedly, "Chantrey be blowed; I shan't try any more!" Poor fellow! He must indeed have been bad. He has not been heard of since. The Serpentine has been dragged.

THE HANSOM CAB STRIKE!—Remarkable Conversion!! Not yet concluded! Last week another lot of Hansoms became Growlers.

REPARTEE TO A SPOUSE.

Both parties in the recent extraordinary abduction case, where a Mrs. JONES was carried off down a rope-ladder at midnight by her own husband, Mr. JONES, have published statements defending their own line of conduct. The following is Mrs. JONES'S version:—

"As public opinion appears to have erroneously taken my—so-called—husband's side, as far as I can gather from my having been twice chased through the streets by an infuriated mob, and four separate attempts having been made to blow up my house with nitro-glycerine, I feel compelled to explain—with much reluctance—why it was that I declined to live with Mr. JONES.

"To begin with, it was only under the most awful threats that Mr. JONES prevailed on me to become his wife. His words—I remember them well—were, 'My darling, you know how tenderly I adore you; if you don't marry me at once I'll break every bone in your body!' He then snatched my bonnet, a new one, from my head, and so acted on my nerves that I went off to the Registry Office and was married. That he was actuated by merely mercenary motives is proved by the fact that the gratuity (of half-a-crown), which he presented to the Registry Clerk, he actually borrowed from me! I knew him already to be unprincipled; but never until that moment had it flashed upon me that he was a fortune-hunter! However, as he had the drawing-room poker with him—he kept it concealed up his back during the ceremony at the Registry Office—I did not at that time say anything, but handed him the coin. I do not know if I should have left him at once, had he not aggravated the baseness of his conduct by using the vulgar expression, 'Fork it out quick!' But I regret to say that his origin is painfully low. Whereas, anybody who consults my relatives will hear from them that they belong to the very highest County Families. Indeed, he would hear it all day long if he lived with them, as I do!

"On the day of the abduction, I was treated barbarously! Even the cab in which I was taken off was, so the coachman informed me, 'put down to my account.' Oh, had I but guessed the truth about Mr. JONES when I went to the Altar—I mean the Registry Office! Supper consisted of cold mutton and pickles (!) which latter he upset, and I had a dress ruined."

On perusing the above, Mr. JONES decided that he could no longer keep silence, and has made public the subjoined explanation:—

"When I first saw Mrs. JONES—then Miss THOMPSON—her youthful grace quite captivated me. Her age was under fifty-six, and mine was just sixty. She was, in fact, as I told her at the time, almost old enough to know her own mind. It is true that she was wealthy, but that had no influence on my conduct. On the contrary I felt it as a positive drawback, as my domestic ideal has always been Love in a Cottage! But as she was bent upon our marrying, I agreed to waive this objection.

"In proof of this assertion I need only say that on the very day after our first meeting, I received the following letter:—

"'PRICELESS AND ADORABLE PET,—How are your little tootsy-wootsicums? Did they get wet in conducting me home after that delicious interview? If so, and you were to catch cold in your precious head, I should never forgive myself. Oh, come and see me soon! Your Own, till Death, ANGELINA.'

"Possibly I may be blamed for publishing this letter. I do it for her sake, not for mine. Even now I believe that, were I left alone with her for an hour, with none of her relatives nor a policeman near, I could persuade her to retract her calumnious statement about the poker. I conclude by saying that it is my belief that her relatives, who are all of them powerful mesmerists, have hypnotised her!"