Volume 100 / Act 4 — THE BITTER CRY OF OUTCAST COMPETITION.
Reading edition
"The breakfast at St. James's Hall, which we reported yesterday, and which was held in order to allow those who partook of it to discuss the possibility of establishing in this country a 'non-competitive system of university examination,' was, in some respects, a natural outcome of the revolt against competition which has of late years made itself felt in many different quarters."—The Times.
I'm in a pretty pickle! The world is wondrous fickle; But lately it would stickle For Progress by Exam. And now, in Trade and Learning, Against me they seem turning, Deliberately discerning In me a noxious sham! The Laissez-faire philosopher My enemies grew gross over; But now Economists toss over Their idol of old days. They swear "Free Competition" Leads to Trade inanition: That I'm a superstition, A cruel vampire craze. And now Big Wigs scholastic, To modern movements plastic, Would try reform most drastic Upon the School Exam. The ways my nerves that jar on AUBERON HERBERT's far on; E'en Dr. WARRE makes war on Dear old Competitive Cram! If pundits thus—at breakfast— Neologise, neck-and-neck, fast, My kingdom they will wreck fast! The Army loves me not; Socialists whet their soul-edge Against me; now the College Swears that my road to knowledge Is simply—Tommy rot. Revolt? It's most revolting! My road might yield some jolting, But boobies from it bolting Will probably get bogged, And, lost in some dim bye-way, Regret the well-paved highway Along which long in my way Contentedly they jogged.