Volume 100 — LABOURS FOR LENT.
Reading edition
Emperor of Germany.—To conciliate the great men who have had to prefix "Ex" to their official titles since he ascended the Throne.
Emperor of Russia.—To find a resting-place safe from the Nihilists.
King of Italy.—To do without CRISPI, and the Triple Alliance.
The Emperor of Austria.—To master the subject of Home Rule as applied to Austria, Hungary, and the Bulgarian Nationalities.
King of Portugal.—To settle the Map of Africa with Lord SALISBURY.
The President of the French Republic.—To adapt Thermidor for the German stage.
The President of the American Republic.—To bless the McKinley Tariff.
The Marquis of Salisbury.—To consider with his son and heir the Roman Catholic Disabilities Removal Bill.
Mr. W.H. Smith.—To renew his stock of Copy-book proverbs.
Mr. Gladstone.—To compile and annotate a new volume of Gleanings, containing the Quarterly Article on "Vaticanism," and the speech in support of the Ripon-plus-Russell Relief Bill.
Mr. Goschen.—To divide the coming Surplus to everyone's satisfaction.
Mr. Balfour.—To learn to love both wings of the Irish Party.
Mr. Justin McCarthy.—To discover his exact position.
Mr. S.B. Bancroft.—To regard with satisfaction his gift to General Dealer BOOTH.
JUNIUS JUDEX.
A Pindaric Fragment
. (
A long way after Gray
.)
Awake, O Themis-twangled lyre, awake, And give to pæans all thy sounding strings! Here is a triumph joyfuller than Spring's. JEUNE smacks of Summer rather, and must take The cake! As frescoed heroes cloud-borne progress make, So—happy apotheosis!—advances Stately Sir FRANCIS! See how late-knighted Justice moves along, High, majestic, smooth and strong, Through Cupid's maze and Neptune's mighty main (O Wimpole Street, uplift the strain!) Toward that proudly portal'd door. Silk gowns and snowy wigs raise the applausive roar! O Sovereign of the Social Soul, Lady of bland and comfort—breathing airs, Enchanting hostess! Business cares And Party passion own thy soft control, In thy saloons the Lord of War Muffles the wheels of his wild car, And drops his thirsty lance at thy command. Smoothed by a snowy hand, Aquila's self, the fierce and feathered king, With sleek-pruned plumes, and close-furled wing Will calmly cackle, and put by The terrors of his beak, the lightnings of his eye. Thine the voice, the dance obey; Tempered to thy pleasant sway, Blue and Buff, Orange and Green, In polychromatic harmony are seen, As on a bright Jeune day. And now JEUNE triumphs in no minor measure. Judicial Pomp and Social Pleasure Now indeed make marvellous meeting. See with suasion firmly sweet That brisk trio, gaily greeting To that portal guide his feet. Neptune's hoarse hails his friend's approach declare, Probate, the winged sprite, about must play; With wanton wings that winnow the soft air In gliding state Lord Cupid leads the way To where grave Law must mark, assay, reprove Wanderings of young Desire, and lures of fickle Love!
TOMMY ATKINS'S HARD LOT.
"TOMMY ATKINS," writing modestly enough to the Daily Chronicle of the 6th February, complains that the coal supplied by the Authorities for barrack-rooms, is so limited in quantity that "during the winter this, as a rule, only lasts about two days" in the week, and TOMMY and his comrades have to "club-up" to supply the deficiency out of their own microscopical pay. "In fact" (says T.A.) "I have been in barrack-rooms where the men have had no fires after the first two days of the week." If this be so, Mr. Punch agrees with TOMMY in saying, "Surely this ought not to be!" TOMMY ATKINS may reasonably be expected to "stand fire" at any season, but not the absence of it in such wintry weather as we have had recently!
If this is poor TOMMY ATKINS's lot, As TOMMY might say, It is all Tommy-rot!