Volume 150 — THE ELUSIVE ONES.

A large number of claims for exemption from military service were made before the Bouverie Street Tribunal at its sittings last week.

Ike Feldmann (23) asked for exemption on the ground that he was an agriculturalist and therefore excused under the Act. Questioned further, he stated that at the present time he was employed in making artificial onions for a firm of Bond Street milliners, but his uncle, who was wealthy, had promised to buy him a farm as soon as the weather got warmer. His application was rejected.

William Smith (31) stated that he was the President, Treasurer and Secretary of the Anglo-Chinese Industries Association, Limited, and urged that unless he was exempted the company must inevitably go into liquidation, there being no one else familiar with its business. Answering a question by the Chairman, applicant stated that the company was formed to do a general mercantile business, but that at the present time its activities were confined to manicuring Pekingese pugs. Asked whether this work could not be done by women, applicant stated that it had been tried, but that women seemed to get on the nerves of the dogs, causing their hair to fall out. The application was refused.

An appeal was made on behalf of George W. Hopper (18), an employee of the West End Delicacy Company, a concern engaged in the business of supplying steak-and-kidney puddings to the large hotels. These delicacies, the Secretary of the company explained, weighed about a ton each, and Hopper was the only man who was strong enough to lift them out of the ovens into the delivery wagon.

A Member of the Board. That is just the kind of man they want in the army.

The Secretary of the company stated as an additional ground for exemption that Hopper had a wooden leg and bronchitis. He was put back one group to give time for medical treatment of leg.

James Ponks (19), who appeared somewhat dazed at his surroundings, explained in a confidential whisper that he was the caretaker of the municipal macaroni beds in Regent's Park. Asked if he would not like to fight for his country, he replied that he would, only Martin Luther had appeared to him in a dream and ordered him to go into the dressed poultry business. Referred to the Medical authorities.

Jim Bounce (30) stated that he had a conscientious objection to fighting. He didn't like the Germans, but recognised that they were his spiritual brothers.

A Member of the Board. Where did you get that cauliflower ear?

Owing to the unsatisfactory nature of the applicant's reply his appeal was refused.

Arthur Small (35), proprietor of a fish and chips emporium, stated that he was a widower and the sole support of his mother-in-law, two married sisters-in-law, their husbands and their thirteen small children.

The Chairman. It seems a clear case for exemption.

Applicant hastened to explain that he did not ask for exemption as he felt that his first duty was to his country. He would like, however, a week in which to say good-bye to his relations by marriage. The request was granted, the Chairman stating that the attitude of Small, who was sacrificing everything for duty, did him the greatest credit.

HAVEN.

On the famous site of The Star and Garter Hotel at Richmond Hill, a Home is to be built for Soldiers and Sailors totally disabled by the War. The work has been undertaken by the British Women's Hospital, and, on its completion, Her Majesty the Queen will present the building to the British Red Cross Society, by whom it will be maintained. The cost of construction will be £50,000. Mr. Punch can think of no cause which should appeal more strongly to the gratitude of the nation and he begs his generous readers to send gifts in aid of it to The Hon. Treasurer, "Star and Garter" Building Fund, 21, Old Bond Street, W.

A Smooth Passage.

"In the Lords Viscount French took his sea but it was a quiet affair."—Morning Paper.

"Employment as odd man offered to a disabled soldier in a very good gentleman's household."—Morning Paper.

As the above advertisement appeared several times we are afraid the gentleman must have been regarded as almost too good to be true.

Bank Manager. "Now please understand, Miss Jones, you must make the books balance." Miss Jones. "Oh, Mr. Brown, how fussy you are!"