A MODEST SUGGESTION FOR A NEW HUNNISH CANTICLE.
Reading edition
"Kaiser Wants New National Hymn." "Westminster Gazette" Heading.
"He shall have it."—Mr. Punch.
God of our Fathers, God of old, Who hast for us such sympathy, Cast as Thou art in German mould, Again we raise our voice to Thee: Omnipotence, we need Thy hand In air, on sea, canal and land! The English (who, Thou knowest, hide Contemptibly upon an isle) No doubt on Thee have also cried, According to their native guile; Presumption could no further go In those who plunged the world in woe. Thou wouldst not hearken to a race Possessed of that inhuman Fleet, So cruel, arrogant and base, So steeped in rancour and deceit. 'Twas they, remember, they alone, Who forced this Burden on Thine own! Bless, rather, us! our arms! our cause! Pour on us Thy protecting love! Sanction our fractures of Thy laws, By U,s beneath, by Zeps above! Relieve us in this dark impasse; Bless all our efforts; bless our gas! Deal gently with us should we tend— Presuming as Thy favoured Race, All flushed to own so great a Friend— To dereliction into grace! Deal gently with us, Lord, should we Once deviate to decency! And Him, from Whom such blessings flow, Our Wilhelm, first of Sons of Light, Whose one ambition is to show Mankind the rightfulness of Might; Bless Him, and forward His device To make an Earthly Paradise! And should some other star up there (For all the stellar space is Thine) Demand Thy more immediate care, And thus divert Thee from the Rhine, Thou need'st but mention it, and He Thy Viceroy hero will gladly be!
"WANT OF FOOD.
Salonika.
On returning to Salonika after an absence of a month, I find the situation much relieved as a result of the deportation of the enemy Consuls and the energetic measures adopted to clear the town of the numerous pies previously infesting it."—Provincial Paper.
The headline seems justified.
"I bought a brochure, which explained that the Emperor was not physically ill, but his metal condition was upset owing to the war."
Evening Paper.
Another allusion, we suppose, to the depreciation of the Mark.
"Lord Crewe and Lord Lansdowne have addressed the following Whip to the members of the House of Lords: On February 15 an address will be moved in the House of Lords in answer to His Majesty's Speech. We venture to express the hope that Your Majesty will find it possible to attend in your place on that day."—Yorkshire Evening Post.
We have heard of the Sovereign People, but the Sovereign Peers are new to us.
"In the course of the match, Brelsford, the United half-back, and Glennon, the Wednesday forward, were ordered off the field for fighting. Upwards of 16,000 spectators witnessed the match."—Birmingham Post.
Mr. Punch will gladly furnish any of the players, or eligibles amongst the 16,000 spectators, with the address of a field where fighters will certainly not be "ordered off."
"ANIMALS AND ZEPPELIN NOISES.
Sir,—The dat is affected by all sounds, according to its weakness or its strength."
Morning Paper.
We have often noticed the same thing about the cog.
"Typist and Shorthand Clerk.—Required at once for invoicing a young lady, accustomed to the drapery trade preferred."
Daily Chronicle.
Not an easy post. Some young ladies are so unaccountable.
"Washington, Jany. 17.—Mrs. Emmeline Pankhurst the suffragette leader now under parole in New York will be formally admitted to the United States soon after her papers reach Washington. President Wilson is opposed to her execution."—Bermuda Colonist.
A merciful man, this Wilson.