Volume 150 — "INJER."
Reading edition
(To the Author of "The Grand Tour," "Punch," January 26th, 1916.)
I read your lines the other day; You got it down in black an' white; You seen them places wot you say; Well, I seen Injer—and you're right. You never know. I took the bob The days o' Mons an' Charley Roy; Flanders, I thought, 'ud do my job, An' me no better than a boy. But some'ow Flanders got a miss, An' I came East, the same as you, Right East, an' finished up wi' this; I seen them towns and islands too. But Injer! Lor, it's like a book Or like a bloomin' fancy ball; There's somethin' every way you look, An' me—young me—I seen it all. I know about them "dark bazaars"— An' dark they is—I know them skies, An' suns an' moons an' silver stars An' 'ummin'-birds an' fiery-flies. I seen the palms an' parrokeets, I've 'eard the jackals in the night, I've ate them beas'ly Injian sweets An' smelt the Injian fires alight. But I'm with you, old P. an' O.; The goin' 'ome'll be the best; An' not the 'ome we useter know, But better, 'cos we've known the rest.
TUBANTIA CRIME.
"Sworn Evidence of Torpedo."
Liverpool Daily Post.
We hope it confessed its crime.
"The village is in utter darkness these nights, and many of the lamp-posts are getting severe knocks, not speaking of the foot pedestrians."—Ardrossan Herald.
Some of the foot pedestrians are said to have been less reticent about the lamp-posts.
"Would patriotic owner LEND INCUBATOR or Foster increase British production, or buy cheap? Every care; experienced; eggs waiting; ineligible; clergy ref."—The Times.
It is a little cryptic; but we gather that, at any rate, the partial soundness of these eggs will be guaranteed by the curate.

Sentry (at Remount Camp). "Halt! Who goes there?"
Weary Voice. "One friend and two mules."