Volume 147 — R. G. A.
Reading edition
Over the hills where the grey hills rise Smoke wreaths climb to the cloudless skies, White in the glare of the noonday sun, Climbing in companies, one by one, From the strong guns, The long guns, That wake with break of day And dutifully drop their shells a dozen miles away. Far beneath where our airmen fly, Slowly the Garrison guns go by, Breaking through bramble and thorn and gorse, Towed by engines or dragged by horse, The great guns, The late guns, That slowly rumble up To enable Messrs. Vickers to converse with Messrs. Krupp. Garrison cannon is never swift (Shells are a deuce of a weight to lift); When they are ready to open shop, Where they are planted, there they stop, The grey guns, The gay guns, That know what they're about, To wait at fifteen hundred yards and clear the trenches out. 4.7's and 9.4's, Taking to camping out of doors; Out of the shelter of steel-built sheds, Sleeping out in their concrete beds— The proud guns, The loud guns, Whose echo wakes the hills, And shakes the tiles and scatters glass on distant window-sills. Little cannon of envious mind May mock at the gunners who come behind; Let them wait till we've lined our pets On to the forts and the walls of Metz; The siege guns, The liege guns, The guns to batter down The barricades and bastions of any German town. Though there be others who do good work, Harassing German, trouncing Turk, Let us but honour one toast to-day— The men and the guns of the R.G.A.! The vast guns, The last guns, When Spring is coming in, To roll down every Eastern road a-booming to Berlin!
THE TEMPTATIONS OF A SOLDIER.
Fond Mother (who has just seen her son, a very youthful subaltern, off to the front). "I got him away from his father for a moment and said to him, 'Darling, don't go too near the firing-line, will you?'"
NEW YEAR NOVELTIES.
The Strategist's Muzzle.—For use in the Home—the Club—the Railway Train. Fitted with best calf leather gag—easily attached—efficiency guaranteed, 4s. 11d. With chloroform attachment for violent cases, 8s. 11d. Belloc size, 22s. 6d.
Recommended by the Censor.
The Allies' Musical Box.—Beautifully decorated in all the national colours. A boon to organizers of war concerts. Plays all the National Anthems of the Allies simultaneously, thus allowing the audience to keep their seats for the bulk of the evening. A blessing to wounded soldiers and rheumatic subjects. 10s. 11d. carriage paid.
The Coin Detector.—This ingenious little contrivance rings a bell once when brought within a yard of silver coins and twice when in the proximity of gold coins. Absolutely indispensable to collectors for Relief Funds. 2s. 11½d. post free.
Testimonial from Lady Isobel Tompkins:—
"Since using your invaluable detector in my collecting work I understand that there has been quite a run on the banks and post-offices in this neighbourhood for postal orders and the new notes. With the addition of an indicator of paper-money your machine would be perfection."
Happy Families.—The game of the season—with portraits of all our political leaders. Any four assorted leaders of different views make a happy family. 10½d.
Mr. Keir Hardie says:—"I never knew a more aggravating game."
German Happy Families.—Intensely amusing; peals of laughter come from the table when one asks for Mr. Kayser, the butcher; Mr. Prince, the looter; Mr. Tirpitz, the pirate, 10½d.
Burke's Norman Blood.—The presentation book of the season. Invaluable to the newly naturalised. 3s. 6d. net.
From certain Regimental Orders we extract the following:—
"There is no objection to the following being written on the Field Service Post Card: 'A merry Christmas and a happy New Year.'"
All the same, the danger of conveying news to the enemy must not be overlooked. Many German soldiers, we hear, are under the impression that it is still August, and that they will be in Paris by the beginning of September.
"In the early hours of Wednesday morning, what is supposed to have been a traction engine when proceeding southward, struck the west side of the parapet with great force."—Alnwick Gazette.
When proceeding northward it has more the appearance of a sewing-machine.