Volume 146 / Act 2 — TIME'S REVENGE.
Reading edition
["Professor Karl Pearson delivered a public Galton Memorial Lecture at the Francis Galton Laboratory for National Eugenics, University College, on "The Handicapping of the First-born." There was, he showed, a tendency for the first-born child to be lighter and smaller than later-born children. On the whole there was a very sensible bias against the first-born."—Morning Post.]
Pearson I sing of, eugenic and brainy, Iconoclastic and fearless to dare. Once I thought "eugenist" = "zany," Now I know better and raise high in air Bumpers Falernian, "Looking towards you." Great be the glory the future awards you, You that have given the first-born a cropper, Bay-leaves immortal encircle your topper; Though you're a scientist, you are no dry ass— I take off my hat to you, Karl, for I share Your "very sensible bias." Long were we "minors" oppressed by our "major" All our lives through since we started at school; His was the limelight on every stage, or His was the fire side and ours was the cool; He got the ease of our ancestors' acres, We had to haggle with butchers and bakers, We had their bills to pay—his all the money; Ours was but gall to drink—his tipple honey; He was the "Purbeck" and we were the "Lias." So we against Primogeniture's rule Held very sensible bias. Fallen the idol, destroyed the oppressor! Always we felt we were good as the rest, Now from the mouth of K. Pearson, Professor, Hear we the truth that the younger are best. Vanished the halo that shone round the first-born Now that Eugenics proclaim him the worst born. Praise, Younger Sons, our great Karl, who, new seas Voyaging, found, like the old Portuguese, Capes of Good Hope—our Bartholomew Diaz. Shout till the whole world hears clearly expressed Our very sensible bias.
More Commercial Candour.
From an advertisement in The Writers' and Artists' Year Book, 1914, announcing a forthcoming publication:— "PHOTOGRAPHS FOR THE PAPERS How to Take and Place Them by John Everard, ROBABLE PRICE 1s. NET."
"As he spoke the Congress hushed its breathing, growing so still that the flutter of a paper interrupted harshly."—The Daily News.
But this of course could not go on for long, and you should have heard it when it unhushed its breathing.
"O'Gara proved the saviour of Widnes, for, gathering the ball, he kicked at least half a dozen players before he booted the ball."
Liverpool Echo.
The bidding for O'Gara by the clubs of the English League, when this news gets about, should be sensational.
THE PLOT THAT FAILED.
Dear Old Lady."My good man, what on earth are you doing on my lawn?"
Crafty Old Fraud. "Bless yer, kind lady! I'm that 'ungry I got to eat grass."
Dear Old Lady. "If you go round to the back you'll find the grass grows much longer and thicker there."