WORKHOUSE DREAMS (continued 2)

'And Jack was walking along, very downhearted; and he met with a friend of his, one Tim Daly; and he asked what was on him; and he told him how he must answer the landlord's three questions on to-morrow, or to lose his farm. "And I see no use in going to him to-morrow," says he; "for I'm sure I will not be able to answer his questions right." "Let me go in your place," says Tim Daly; "for the landlord will not know one of us from the other; and I'm a good hand at answering questions, and I'll engage I'll get you through."

'So he agreed to that; and the next day Tim Daly went in to the landlord, and says he: "I'm come now to answer your three questions."

'Well, the first question the landlord put was: "What does the moon weigh?" And Tim Daly says: "It weighs four quarters."

'Then the landlord asked: "How many stars are in the sky?" "Nine thousand nine hundred and ninety-nine," says Tim. "How do you know that?" says the landlord. "Well," says Tim, "if you don't believe me, go out yourself to-night and count them."

'Then the landlord asked him the third question: "What am I thinking now?" "You are thinking it's to Jack Murphy you're talking, and it is not, but to Tim Daly."

'So the landlord gave in then; and Jack had the farm free from that out.'

There was great laughter and applause at this story.

Then someone told this version of the Taming of the Shrew. I heard it told in Irish afterwards by an Aran girl at the Galway Feis:

'There was a farmer one time had three daughters; and two of them were very nice and civil, but the third had a very hot temper. And the two civil ones were married first; and then a gentleman came and asked for the third. So after the wedding they started for home; and the farmer said to his son-in-law: "God speed you—yourself and your Fireball."

'Well, on the way home, a hare started up; and the gentleman had a white hound, and it followed the hare; and he called to it to leave following it, but it would not till it had it killed. And it came back then, and the gentleman took out his pistol and shot the hound dead. "I did that because it would not obey me," he said.

'And after a little time they came to a stone wall that was very high; and he put the white horse he was riding at it, and the horse refused it, and he shot it dead. "I did that because he would not take the wall when I bade him," he said.

'They came home then; and there was a good deal of feasting made, and of good treatment for all the servants in the house; but as to the wife she got hardly enough given her, and that of the worst. She was angry then; and she said to the husband: "Why am I badly treated this way, and your servants are well treated?" "I have a good reason for that," says he; "for my servants are working hard for me, and doing all they can for me, and you are doing nothing at all."

'Well, whatever happened after that, all the daughters and the sons-in-law came back one time to the father's house to see him. And after the dinner, the daughters were playing cards together, and the sons-in-law were in another room with the father. And he asked the first of them how did he like his wife. "Very well," says he, "I have no fault to find with her, a very civil, obedient girl." The second son-in-law said the same; and then the father said to the man that married the hot-tempered one: "And what sort of an account have you to give of your missus?" "Very good," he said. "If her sisters are civil and obedient, she is three times more civil and obedient."

'They were surprised to hear him say that; and they said they would put it to the proof. And the first husband went to the door and called to his wife, "Come here a minute." "I can't come," says she; "I'm dealing the cards." Then the second husband went and called to his wife that he wanted her. "I can't come," says she; "I'm playing the game." Then the third went and called to his wife; and she rose up and put down the cards, and came out to him on the moment. "What were you doing when I called you?" says he. "I was playing the game," says she.

'They all wondered when they heard that, and they asked what made her, that was so hard to manage before, so quiet now.

'"I will tell you that," she said. And she told them the whole story of the horse and the hound being shot, and the servants being treated better than herself.

'And that's the end of my story.'

Then a young red-faced, one-eyed man was dragged forward, and he said:

'There was a farmer one time had met with great misfortunes; and at last of all his stock he had nothing left but one cow. And when he saw his children starving with the hunger, he made up his mind to sell the cow, and he set out with her to the fair.

'And on the road he met a man that asked would he sell the cow. "I will indeed; it's for that I'm going to the fair," says he. "Will you give her to me for this bottle?" says the man, holding out a bottle to him. "Do you know what my wife would do if I brought her home that bottle in place of the cow?" said the farmer. "I do not," said the man. "She'd break it on my head," said the farmer.

'Well, the man pressed him for a while; and at last he said the fair might be a bad one, and maybe he might as well chance the bottle and go home. So he took the bottle and gave the cow in place of it, and went home.

'When his wife knew what he had done, she went near losing her wits; and she called him all the names; and the children were crying with the hunger. And the poor man didn't know what to do; and he sat down, and he put the bottle on the table and opened it.

'And as soon as he did that, two men came out of it, and they began to lay a cloth, and to set out every sort of food on it. And the man and his wife and the children sat down and eat their fill.

'And everything the farmer would wish for after that, he had but to open the bottle and the two men would come out, and would bring him what he wanted. So he grew to be rich, and the neighbours heard how he came by his money. And his landlord got word of it, and he came and asked would he sell the bottle to him.

'But he refused to part with it; but after a while the landlord got him to his own house, and gave him drink; and, not being in his clear senses, he consented to give up the bottle for four acres of good land.

'But after a while he had all his riches spent, and someway nothing went well with him; and at last he found himself the same way he was before, with but one cow left of all his stock, and the children crying with hunger.

'So he set off with the one cow; and he went to the same place he met with the man with the bottle before, and he was there before him. And he told him all that had happened, and the way it was with him now; and the man gave him another bottle, and brought away the cow.

'So he hurried back home with the bottle, and set it on the table and drew the cork, and the children were waiting round the table for the good dinner they would have. But when the bottle was opened, two men came out with blackthorns in their hands, and they began to beat the farmer and his wife and all about them; and it was blows the poor children got in place of food.

'Well, as soon as the men went into the bottle again, the farmer put in the cork, and he went away to the landlord's house. And there was a great ball going on there; and the farmer asked could he see the landlord.

'So he came down to him, and the farmer said he had got a new bottle, and that maybe the ladies and gentlemen would like to see all it would do. So the landlord agreed, and brought him up to the ballroom, and he put down the bottle and opened the cork. And when it was open, the two men came out with their blackthorns, and they began to hit at the ladies and gentlemen near them, and to beat them, till they ran to hide in every corner. And the landlord called out for them to stop, but the farmer said they would not till he would get his own bottle again.

'So they gave it to him then, and he went home bringing the two bottles with him. And he lived in plenty ever after till he died.

'But someway at his wake, with all that was going on there, the two bottles got broken, or if they did not they were lost.'

Then another said: 'There was a servant-girl left to mind her master's house one time. And she heard a noise below the window, and she opened it to look out. And she saw the hand of a man on the window ledge, that was climbing up to rob the house. And when he put his hand up, she took a little hatchet she had and cut his hand off.

'The same thing happened with another man and another after him again, till she had killed six. But when she was striking at the seventh, he drew back, and all she cut off was his finger.

'When the master came back, she got great praise and great reward, so that she had plenty of money. And one day a man came to ask her in marriage; and she did not know him to be the robber that escaped, and she married him.

'But after a while he brought her out through the fields to where there was a little bridge over the river. And when they got to it, he told her he was the man she had cut the finger off, and that he had brought her there to kill her.

'"Give me time to say my prayers first," she said. So he gave her time for that, and she knelt down; and presently she turned round and he was on the bridge beside her, and she gave him a push into the water. And that was the end of the seventh of the robbers.

'And then she went home again. That's my story.'

And then the old man, whose brother has fought for the king, and hasn't sent him anything, said:

'Peace is made. That's my story. Will you give me tobacco for that?'

But this being the last day, they all had tobacco—story-tellers and all.

And here is the last story: 'There was a steward one time in the employment of a gentleman; and he was a good, honourable man. And he used to make the Sunday begin at twelve o'clock on Saturday; and to ring the bell then for the workmen to go home.

'He got sick at last, and his death was drawing near; and he asked one request of his master, and that was, that after his death he would put his body on a car, but not direct it anywhere; but to let it go what way the horse would bring it.

'So the master did that; and they put the body on a car, and the carman went along with it; but he did not direct the horse, but let it go what way it liked.

'And it went on a long way; and then they came to a path that was all full of spearheads sticking up through the ground. But the horse went on; and wherever it went, the spearheads would sink away before it.

'They came at last to a house, and the horse stopped at the door; and the people of the house came out and brought in the body; and the carman went along with it, and he lay down and slept awhile.

'And when he rose up, he said he would go back to his friends. But the people of the house said: "You can go back if you like, but you will find none of your friends before you; for your sleep has lasted for seven hundred years."

'So he went back; and there was nothing but grass and bushes in the village he came from. And he knelt down and made his repentance; and he was let up to heaven for the sake of the steward that was so good, and that made the Sunday begin at noon on Saturday.'

1902.