A LOVER’S QUARREL. BY AUSTIN DOBSON.
Reading edition
NELLIE.
If I were you, when ladies at the play, sir, Beckon and nod, a melodrama through, I would not turn abstractedly away, sir, If I were you!
FRANK.
If I were you, when persons I affected, Wait for three hours to take me down to Kew, I would, at least, pretend I recollected, If I were you!
NELLIE.
If I were you, when ladies are so lavish, Sir, as to keep me every waltz but two, I would not dance with odious Miss McTavish, If I were you!
FRANK.
If I were you, who vow you cannot suffer Whiff of the best—the mildest “honey-dew,” I would not dance with smoke-consuming Puffer, If I were you!
NELLIE.
If I were you, I would not, sir, be bitter, Even to write the “Cynical Review”—
FRANK.
No, I should doubtless find flirtation fitter, If I were you!
NELLIE.
Really! You would? Why, Frank, you’re quite delightful— Hot as Othello, and as black of hue; Borrow my fan. I would not look so frightful, If I were you!
FRANK.
“It is the cause.” I mean your chaperon is Bringing some well-curled juvenile. Adieu! I shall retire. I’d spare that poor Adonis, If I were you!
NELLIE.
Go, if you will. At once! And by express, sir! Where shall it be? to China—or Peru? Go. I should leave inquirers my address, sir, If I were you!
FRANK.
No—I remain. To stay and fight a duel Seems on the whole, the proper thing to do—, Ah, you are strong—I would not then be cruel, If I were you!
NELLIE.
One does not like one’s feelings to be doubted—
FRANK.
One does not like one’s friends to misconstrue—
NELLIE.
If I confess that I a wee-bit pouted?
FRANK.
I should admit that I was piqued, too.
NELLIE.
Ask me to dance! I’d say no more about it, If I were you!
(Waltz—Exeunt.)